Until the adoption order is granted, your child is still a looked after child and is therefore under the care of the local authority. They will share parental responsibility with you until the order is made.

Social work visits

Your child’s social worker should come out to visit within the first week of placement, and then every week until the first formal review. These statutory reviews can be a blessing and a hindrance. It can feel like an extra layer of scrutiny while you’re learning how to be a parent and getting to know your child. But it can also be reassuring having someone to talk to who knows your child.

When our eldest came home, it was our social worker who visited as our daughter’s social worker had left the agency. To be honest, I quite liked the fact that she came around a lot. She was lovely and it felt more like a friend dropping in to check we were ok rather than anything formal.

I appreciate that we were very lucky to feel like that. A lot of people find the visits difficult for a number of reasons, not least because they are unsettling for their child. But they have to take place, albeit on a less frequent basis as the placement progresses.

As with everything to do with adoption, how these meetings take place will vary depending on your agency. If your social worker is from the agency that placed the child, the visits may be split between them so someone comes each week, but they don’t both come. If the placing authority is a different agency to where you were assessed, both may come out. However, it’s done, they’re are a statutory requirement and the visits should be recorded.

The adoption process: Statutory review requirements

Social work visits should be weekly until the first review. The first review should take place four weeks after placement and is a “Looked After Child” review and the social worker might refer to it as a LAC review. The venue of the meetings will usually be in your home so that everyone can see how your child is settling into familiar surroundings.

Don’t feel you have to blitz the house and clean everywhere. They’re expecting the house to look lived in so as long as it’s safe, don’t worry about everything looking perfect. Real life is far from perfect and everyone would worry more if it looked like it was.

Either your child’s or your social worker (sometimes both) should attend the meeting, together with the independent reviewing officer and usually your child’s health visitor. Your child’s social worker should have prepared a report outlining a brief history and everyone’s views on the placement. The role of the independent reviewing officer is to make sure the local authority are carrying out all of their statutory obligations. So if there’s something they promised they’d do and haven’t, the review meeting is the time to raise it.

The second review should take place within three months of the first, and if a third one is needed, within six months of the second review. Reviews continue until the adoption order is granted.

Our experience

Our experience of the reviews was that they were informal. We were very lucky and didn’t have any particular issues following the placement of either child, so it may not be as informal for everyone.

There is a statutory framework for the review so that everyone is satisfied the child’s needs are being met by the placement. How this is covered will vary depending on the social worker. Some may go through every question in that type of format. Others may do it as part of a general chat.

If there are things that you feel are not being addressed by the local authority, this is a chance for you to air them so they are minuted and a plan agreed as to how the issue can be resolved. Make sure there’s a clear plan and it’s clear whose responsibility it is to do what.

Medical visits

In addition to there being statutory requirements for the number of social work visits in the early months of placement, there are increased visits from your health visitor. For a birth
child, health visitors visit regularly during the first six weeks, but then the visits become much less frequent although you can ask them to come out if you have any issues.

When a child is placed for adoption, a health visitor from your area should contact you to arrange to come out. You’ll get your child’s health book (ours are red but the colour changes) which details all of their health visits, immunisations etc since birth. This book is in your child’s birth name and stays that way until the adoption order is granted.

We didn’t ask for new books to be issued for our girls once the orders were granted. We felt that they should stay in their birth names because it’s part of their history and the vast majority of entries were made before the order was granted. Whether you ask for new books will probably depend on your child’s circumstances.

Health visitor

With our eldest, the health visitor was the same one she had been seeing ever since she was born. It was decided it would be of benefit for her to have the same health visitor because she knew of the issues in the first few months of our daughter’s life.

With hindsight, I’m not sure that was the best decision. I often felt that things that weren’t really an issue, were being seen as an issue because the health visitor knew about the history. An example of that is the fact that our eldest didn’t really like lumps in her food.

This was brought up in our initial meeting with her foster carer and medical adviser. We were told it could be a sign that her mouth and throat muscles weren’t developing properly which could lead to speech problems. It’s something that the health visitor made a big thing out of too.

I’d talked to my sister and mum about it and they suggested going back a stage with weaning which is what I did (our daughter was nine months old when she came home). I blended lots of foods until they were smooth and gave her that for the first few weeks with finger food. I gradually made the purees lumpier and she ate them quite happily. It turns out that her issue was that she didn’t like buying pre-made meals. I’ve since read that babies fed bought baby food are more likely to not like lumps. I’ve no idea why that is.

Training in trauma

I was disappointed that the health visitor jumped to the worst-case scenario about our eldest’s dislike of lumps, rather than talking through what she was eating and suggesting trying different things. We had several other experiences of her doing this over the next few years too. I suspect it was due to a lack of specific training about adopted children rather than anything else.

Health visitors are a great resource but our experience is it’s best to be cautious about issues that may be due to your child’s early life experiences. The majority aren’t trained to deal with adopted children and the kinds of issues they are likely to be affected by.

If you have concerns about behaviour or development, I would speak to your social worker about it first. They’ll be able to say whether it’s normal behaviour in the context of your child’s history or something that you need to be concerned about. If it’s the latter, I would ask them who they recommend you seek help from.

Other meetings

There may be other meetings with medical professionals, but those will depend on your child’s circumstances. If they are having treatment, that should continue and will have formed part of the placement plan. You may be asked to attend reviews of this before your child is placed so that you know what stage it’s at and how long it will continue.

Depending on the age of your child when they’re placed, there may also be meetings with nursery or school to review how they’ve settled following placement.

If you enjoyed reading this article, why not buy me a coffee to show your support for the magazine? If you’d like to read more articles about adoption, head over to the home page and have a look at what’s new.

You do have to do all of that though, and more, if you decide you’d like to be a parent through adoption. And there’s a very good reason for that. Children who need to be adopted have already suffered trauma and loss in their short lives.

The assessment needs to make sure that adopters are as prepared as possible for the types of things they’ll need to deal with. It also needs to make sure that the people being assessed are have the skills to be (more than) good enough parents.

Wannabemums wrote this very honest post that was originally published in 2023 about the assessment and how she found it. You can follow her journey on Instagram.

The road to adoption panel

Last week I was approved to adopt after a 14-month journey. If I had known what would be involved in becoming approved when I started, would I have gone ahead with it? Now that we’re approved, a million times yes. But there were times along the way that I was seriously thinking of throwing in the towel. Here are some of the things I discovered…

The adoption assessment: It’s sloooow

The first hurdle is realising that this isn’t like anything else you face in life – most of which can be spun through with enthusiasm and a bit of elbow grease. It dawns on you quite quickly (the fastest thing that does happen in this process) this isn’t something that can just be ticked off. No matter how smiley and compliant you are on the training days or how many books you read, they aren’t going to just give you a kid without looking under every pebble in your life.

For some people, this is the advertised six months. For lots, it does take longer. People are often asked to clear up areas of their lives that aren’t quite ready, whether that’s practical, medical or psychological.

Progress can seem glacial; the red tape voluminous; the necessary social worker appointments bumped by weeks. At the start, this will have you raging, but try and remember that when you have a child you won’t have the luxury of time and treat yourself to nice ways to fill it.

A year ago I was champing at the bit to skip to the end. But now I’m pleased I had time to work on myself and spend time just with my partner.

You’re not the client

It soon becomes clear that the relationship with your social worker is like no other you’ll have experienced. In that they’re focused on assessing you but not in a service relationship. It’s hard for some couples to get this. We’ve all had a grumble at what’s expected of us, as we bare our souls and bank balances to judgement.

But once you realise that the future child is the client, it becomes easier. Of course, they can ask you to fill in a form in triplicate or answer the same questions again because they have to be sure you’re good enough. The kids have been let down too much before.

It goes deeper than you think

When we started, there were some niggles in the back of my mind to do with my mental health. A couple of small bouts of depression I hoped would just be allowed to pass unexamined. Most people with anxiety or depression who apply do get approved. But like everything else in your life, mental health is scrutinised.

The key factor is your childhood. Parenting a traumatised child could trigger your past. So it’s important to make sure you know what you’re dealing with. The one-on-one interview is particularly discombobulating. It’s half therapy session, half job interview and you reveal more than you ever told anyone in one go.

I was asked to take some time out to think about how my childhood impacted my life and came to some realisations that have shaken up my understanding of myself. This has been the hardest part; but necessary.

You realise how lucky you are

Above all, gratitude is a key word in this process. You will read stories practically every day about kids coming from abuse and neglect. Their lives are unimaginable to those with loving parents. You’ll learn about attachment issues and ongoing conditions that are the product of trauma. And while as a potential parent, this can feel overwhelming, you also feel blessed.

It changes others’ perspectives as well. When friends see you going through a process that at times makes you stressed, worried and sad they say, “I’m angry for you. Birth parents don’t have to go through this.” But by the end, they’re like, “Birth parents should totally have to go through this.”

I, for one, feel lucky to have come out the other side with new insight into myself. Lucky for the perspective I’ve gained and even lucky for all the moments I doubted it all. I once read an article by an adventure writer who talked about “type two fun” being the moments on any trip that really wasn’t fun at the time but that you laugh about afterwards.

Adoption approval is like that. A journey where when you look back, even the rocky bits were an opportunity for growth. Coming through such an intense process makes you proud of yourself and of your partner. Every hurdle makes you feel more ready to take on what is to come next.

And I finally feel ready.

If you’d like to find out more about adoption and what the assessment involves, First4Adoption is a good place to start. Or head over to the adoption stories section to read more articles from adopters sharing their experience of the process.

Whatever your reason for looking into adoption, it’s important that you understand firstly, why some children need to be adopted, and secondly, what the assessment process involves.

Why some children require adoption

The reasons why children need to be adopted have changed dramatically over the last half-century. It used to be the case that a child being born out of wedlock was enough of a reason for a child to require adoption with their birth mum feeling like she had no other choice. Thankfully, things have moved on a lot since then. However, in the UK now, the reasons often relate to extreme neglect, drug or alcohol misuse by a parent, and domestic violence, all of which cause trauma to a child.

Children who need to be adopted have suffered some level of trauma in their early years. Being removed from your birth parents is trauma, whatever age it happens. This can lead to a whole host of issues for them as they grow up such as behavioural and attachment difficulties as well as problems with their physical health.

The process that leads to a child being adopted is often a lengthy one. It starts with social services becoming involved with the family, sometimes voluntarily, sometimes not, and sometimes many months before the child is born.

Ultimately, a child could be removed from the care of their parents if the concerns are that they are suffering, or are at risk of suffering significant harm. The level and type of harm will vary. Some children will have suffered extreme neglect which can lead to developmental delay and health issues. Others may have experienced physical abuse or witnessed one parent attacking the other.

The adoption process: Early-life trauma

Some children may not have lived with their birth family and were placed in foster care shortly after birth. As I’ve mentioned above, that causes trauma. Children can experience trauma in utero through hearing shouting or experiencing the fear felt by their mothers as a result of violence against them.

Trauma affects all children differently. But it’s likely it will have some level of impact on their lives as they grow up. So, you need to be prepared for that as a parent. Sometimes the level of trauma will be known. Sometimes it won’t until years later.

Becoming an adoptive parent isn’t the same as being a birth parent. Obviously, the process is very different. But putting that to one side, parenting a child who has experienced early life trauma can be extremely difficult and challenging. It can also be very rewarding. But you need to come to terms with the fact that it is likely to be a difficult road.

The adoption assessment

The adoption assessment is in two stages. Stage One looks at things like DBS checks, medicals, references, and training. Stage Two is more intensive as it is where you’ll have one-to-one sessions with your social worker (and partner if you have one) discussing everything from your childhood to finances, relationships, and parenting styles.

There’s no doubt this stage can feel intrusive. But it’s designed to help your social worker really get to know you, your strengths, weaknesses, and what makes you tick. They will use all of the information you talk about to prepare a report about you which will be read by the Adoption Panel to help them decide whether you should be approved as adopters.

Once you have been approved to adopt, the matching process begins. This is the stage where your social worker will look at the children available to see if there are any that are suitable based on the criteria you discussed during your assessment.

Matching is a really tough part of the process. Some adopters get linked to a child before they are approved. Others have to wait months to be matched. We waited 10 months to be matched with our eldest and it felt like an eternity.

Adoption can never be a backup plan

Adoption definitely isn’t for the faint-hearted. It can never be a backup plan or reserve option as to how you will create your family. It requires a lot of work, 100% dedication, patience, resilience, and the ability to fight tooth and nail for your child to help them get the right support.

It’s a complicated process rooted in trauma. But that doesn’t mean adopted children and adopters can’t become a strong, happy family unit. They can and many do. But it takes a lot of work to get there.

I can’t imagine our lives without our girls. They are the light of my life and the reason I drag myself out of bed every day. Yes, they have experienced trauma and have a long road ahead of them as they learn more about their birth family and figure out their emotions and feelings about the process.

But they’re growing up to be happy, settled, thriving, and utterly wonderful kids which makes all of the things you’ve read about above, totally worthwhile.

If you’d like to read about adoption from those who have experienced it, head over to the adoption stories section to discover lots of interviews with adopters, adoptees, birth parents, and foster carers.

• Grieving
• Finances
• Getting your property ready
• Childcare experience
• Research
• Paperwork

Grieving

People decide to create their family through adoption for a variety of reasons. It sounds obvious but you need to be clear about why you want to adopt before you start. It can never be your backup plan. Adoption is a choice, but it isn’t for you if you think it’s a last resort.

Some have never tried to have a birth child so adoption is the first way they’ve tried to create their family. Many consider adoption after dealing with the brutal disappointment of infertility.

Whatever steps you’ve taken to try and have a baby whether it’s naturally, via surrogacy, or fertility treatment, if it doesn’t work, it’s devastating. If that’s the case for you, your heart and soul have to be committed to adoption before you start. If you’re still hoping that you’ll fall pregnant, you may not be ready. 

For a lot of women, their dream is to one day become a mum. The human race has been going for a lot of years and it has survived because women give birth. It’s a natural assumption, therefore, that all women can have babies. Finding out that you’re one of the ones that can’t is extremely hard.

It takes time

You need to give yourself time to grieve the fact that you can’t have a birth child.  It’s something that your social worker will ask you about in a lot of detail, so you need to be prepared to open wounds you thought were healed. If you don’t feel that you can, you probably need some more time.

If you’ve had treatment, most agencies want you to wait for at least six months before you approach them.  That said, each person is different and deals with grief differently and each agency is different as to how rigid they are about this timescale. 

We’d been thinking about adoption for a long time and as I’ve said, I think I always knew it would be how we created our family.  We did go for tests and the one appointment we had was enough for me to know that treatment just wasn’t for us. 

A lot of agencies would have wanted us to wait for six months after our appointment, but we were accepted onto Stage One, two months later.  For us, the testing was the end of the grieving process to enable us to move on to adoption.  I wanted to know that there was a reason why I hadn’t got pregnant as I knew I needed to draw a line under why it hadn’t happened.

Preparing for the adoption process: Finances

It’s a good idea to get your finances in order before you start the adoption process. There are a lot of things about adoption that make you think “If I was having a birth child, I wouldn’t need to do this”.  I thought that a lot and finance is one of those things.

The point is though, you aren’t having a birth child. You’re taking over the care of a child who can’t live with their birth family and you need to be in the best possible shape to do it.

A lot of people who adopt have been through fertility treatment which is an expensive process and can leave you with little or no savings and debt.  Not having much money or being in debt doesn’t mean you can’t be considered for adoption.

Parenting is expensive however you come to it so agencies are realistic about this but want to be sure that you can manage your finances.  If you have debts, you need to be able to show that they are manageable and that you aren’t struggling to make payments.  If you are, you need to take some time to sort that out so that things are manageable. 

Financial support for adoption leave

Most agencies want one parent to take as much time as possible off work once a child is placed, so you need to be able to show how you would fund that. 

Find out what your employer’s adoption policy is in terms of leave and pay. That will help you work out how much you’ll need in the way of savings to be off work for the length of time you’d like. If saving isn’t an option, think about what other options you could consider. Shared parental leave is worth looking into if you have a partner. If you are unemployed, you’ll need to make inquiries as to what types of benefits you’ll be entitled to.

Getting your property ready

Your property needs to be able to accommodate children and must be stable in terms of you being able to stay there. You don’t need to own your home, but if you do rent, the tenancy will need to be up to date, whether that’s a private rental or with a housing association.

You will need at least one extra bedroom and ideally two if you’re hoping to adopt more than one child. If you live in a one-bedroomed property, can you extend or is there a way of creating a second bedroom with the rooms you have? If not, you’ll need to consider moving. The time to do that is before you start the assessment process. 

Each agency is different about planned building work but most will start the assessment as long as building work is going to be completed before Panel.

If you are planning to do extensive work such as an extension that requires planning permission or building regulations, it’s best to do this before you approach an agency. This type of project will often take far longer than you anticipate with delays being caused by material or labour issues, removing large quantities of rubble, or waiting for planning permission.

Finding skip hire in Dover or your local area can be a problem so using a recommended firm can remove this type of delay.

Childcare experience

You need to have some experience in looking after children to be considered for adoption. If you’re lucky enough to have children in your life, great. Spend more time with them, take them out on your own, and have them for sleepovers if that’s feasible.

But childcare experience doesn’t have to come from being involved with your family or friend’s children though. Not everyone has friends or family with children. If you don’t and your job doesn’t involve children, you need to look at getting some experience elsewhere. This could come from volunteering with children’s groups such as Beavers or Brownies or at a nursery.

You’ll need to be DBS checked. This is something that is carried out by the Disclosure and Barring Service (DBS) to see whether you have any previous convictions.

Whether you need to do this and pay for it yourself or the group you’re going to be working with will vary from organisation to organisation.  You need to do DBS checks as part of the adoption process so you may as well get started with them beforehand to make sure no surprises are lurking. 

Research

I can’t stress enough how important research is. There are lots of books out there from reference books that provide facts, figures, and theory, to books written by adopters about their adoption journey such as “No Matter What” by Sally Donovan. I’ve written a book about the process and what it’s really like which is a great place to start.

There are many blogs and social media accounts written by adoptive parents who are sharing their journey. They are well worth reading because they tend to give an honest account of the highs and lows of parenting an adopted child.

Instagram has an extremely supportive adoption community. Follow #ukadoptioncommunity and you’ll be able to see posts from lots of UK adopter accounts.

I would also recommend reading about topics like attachment issues and therapeutic parenting. Attachment problems are common in adopted children so it will help to have an idea about it before you start. Having an understanding of things like fetal alcohol syndrome will also help, particularly when it comes to looking at your matching criteria.

Research the different agencies in your area and get a feel for the ones you might want to look into.  First4Adoption is a good starting point as they provide details of all the agencies in your area. 

Preparing for the adoption process: Paperwork

You need quite a bit of paperwork in the early stages of the assessment, so it’s a good idea to get everything sorted before you get going. We had a panic and had the house turned upside down because we needed a copy of my husband’s decree absolute.

You’ll need things like your marriage certificate, a decree absolute if either of you has been married before, a valid passport/driving licence or some other form of photo ID, and birth certificates of any birth children. 

Also, spend some time thinking about whom you’ll ask to be your referees.  You need three, one can be a close family member. 

If you enjoyed reading this article, why not buy me a coffee to help keep the magazine free for everyone to read? If you’d like to read more articles about adoption, health and well-being, and parenting, head over to the home page and have a look at what’s new.

The links to books in this article are affiliate links which means I get paid a fee from Amazon if you click the link and buy the book.

Misconceptions can become barriers to people finding out more about adoption. No one is perfect and it’s unrealistic to think that parents always get it right. Agencies aren’t looking for a picture-perfect home, lots of money in the bank or people who’ve never fallen out with anyone in their lives. People like that don’t exist.

To be an adoptive parent, you need to be able to provide a clean, secure and loving home. Somewhere a child who has experienced early life trauma will feel safe. The adoption process isn’t talked about openly enough which results in myths and misconceptions forming about it. This post aims to dispel some of the most common ones.

So, what are the most common myths about adoption and who can apply, and what is the truth behind them?

Myth 1

You have to be in a relationship to adopt

No, you don’t.

If you’re single you can most definitely adopt. The assessment process is exactly the same regardless of whether you’re single or in a relationship.

If you’re a single adopter, your support network is likely to be more important so it’s a good idea to think about that before you start. A support network doesn’t have to be physically close. We live in an age of technology, and COVID19 has shown us that with some lateral thinking, most things can be done via video call.

There are some wonderful solo adopters on Instagram who share the realities of parenting on their own. Go and say hello to

@themum_thecat_thekid

@raising_roo

@soloadopter_journey

@2starfishsolo

Myth 2

You have to own your home

No, you don’t.

As long as your home is clean, safe and warm and has enough bedrooms for you and the number of children you’d like to adopt, it doesn’t matter whether you own or rent your property.

Your home does need to be safe in terms of affordability. If you have rent or mortgage arrears, you’ll need to sort those out before you apply because being at risk of eviction will affect your ability to adopt.

Your home needs to have enough bedrooms for each child to have one of their own. If you live in a two-bedroomed property and would like to adopt a sibling group, you’ll need to think about how this can be achieved. Can you extend if you own your property? Or divide your existing bedrooms into smaller rooms?

If you rent, or it’s not feasible to create more bedrooms in a property you own, you’ll need to move. Ideally, this should be done before you start, but definitely before you go to Panel.

Myth3

You have to be working to adopt

No, you don’t.

It doesn’t matter whether you’re working or not. In some cases, it’s a good thing that you don’t go out to work because some children who are waiting to be adopted, need a lot of care. If the child you’re matched with has a lot of extra needs, it might not be feasible for you to work as well.

Myth4

I’m too old to adopt.

Your age isn’t a significant factor. It’s more important that you’re fit and healthy and are able to put your time and energy into looking after your child. Your age may affect the age of child your agency will consider for you, but there’s no hard and fast rule about that.

I was almost 42 when our eldest came home aged nine months, my husband was 50. He was 55 when our youngest came home aged five and a half months. Our bodies ache a lot more than we’d like them to and we struggle with lack of sleep more than we did when we were younger, but other than that, our ages have never been an issue.

My Instagram post about this has a lot of useful comments about this so head over and have a look if age is something that you’re worried about.

Myth5

You can’t adopt if you have debt.

You can, as long as it’s well-managed.

Most people have some kind of debt whether it’s a credit card, car or other type of loan or mortgage. If your debt means you’re living way beyond your means and you’re struggling to make the minimum payments each month, it will be an issue. If that sounds like you, take some time before you apply to sort things out.

Your agency will want to make sure there are no arrears with anything and that your outgoings don’t exceed your income. If you have concerns about this, speak to some agencies first and see what their requirements are. That will help you decide which agency to go for, and what you need to sort out first.

If you’d like to find out more about the adoption process, have a look at First4Adoption website which is full of advice and information about the process.

If you’d like to read about what the adoption process is really like from those who’ve been through it, have a look at some of the articles from adopters. The “Spotlight On” section has articles from adoption agencies sharing what they do which is a good way of seeing what different agencies have to offer.

It’s therefore more important than ever that anyone thinking about adopting fully understand the adoption process so that they know whether it’s right for them or not. This article gives an overview of the adoption process from research right through to placement.

Research, research, research

Before you start any formal part of the adoption assessment, research is the key. Read as much and as widely as you can. Follow adoption accounts on social media, and read blogs and articles written by adoptees, adopters, and birth parents. When you’re doing your research, it’s just as important to learn about the types of issues adopted children often face, and how adult adoptees view their experience, as it is to understand the process itself.

The #ukadoptioncoummunity is a good place to start following people who are going through the adoption process, or who have adopted.

The adoption process

Once you’ve decided adoption is the way you’d like to create your family, you’ll need to start thinking about which agency you’re going to choose. All local authorities are adoption agencies, either on their own or as part of a regional agency.  Charities such as Caritas Care are voluntary adoption agencies.

Research is key here again. First4Adoption has a tool you can use to find all the agencies in your area. Have a look at the agency’s websites, ring them up, and go along to events to get a feel for who you’d like to go with. You can speak to as many as you like before you pick one.

Although the assessment process is standardised, each agency will have its own criteria for certain issues. Some agencies won’t consider you if you have a lot of pets, smoke or are significantly overweight. Some will only consider you after at least six months post-fertility treatment. Others are happy to look at it on a case-by-case basis. Shop around and see what feels like a good fit.

The assessment stages

Once you’ve made your decision, picked an agency, and formally registered your interest, there are two stages to the assessment process. Stage One involves checks such as DBS, employment, finances, and health.  You’ll need to provide the details of three referees, one can be a family member.

This stage also involves attending a preparation training course and completing learning logs to show the research you’ve done. The training course will give you a lot of information about adoption from birth parents to medical issues to life story work. Stage One should take no longer than two months.

A decision is then made based on the information gathered as to whether you are going to be accepted into Stage Two. If the agency decides you aren’t suitable to be taken onto Stage Two, they have to give you full written reasons. If you’re accepted onto Stage Two, you can decide to take a break of up to six months before you start.

The adoption process: Stage Two

Stage Two is the home study part of the assessment. Your allocated social worker will arrange several visits to meet you, usually at your home, to discuss everything about you. This will cover topics like your childhood, beliefs, relationships, work, friends, and support network. Your social worker needs to find out what makes you tick, how you function, and your strengths and weaknesses so that all of this information can be put into the report they prepare for Panel.

Adoption Panel

The decision to approve you as an adopter is not made by your social worker or their manager, but by the agency’s adoption Panel. This comprises several different people who have experience of adoption or working with children.

There will be a foster carer, a councillor, a medical adviser, several social workers from different disciplines, adopters or adoptees, and professionals with an educational background. Not all of the Panel members will sit each time, but there will be a range of backgrounds sitting on the day of your Panel.

The Panel won’t have met you before your Panel date. They will, however, have read the comprehensive report prepared by your social worker. Essentially, that is what they base their decision on. That’s why it’s so important that you’re open and honest with your social worker.

No one has led a perfect life so everyone has things in their past they would do differently in hindsight. What your social worker and the Panel will be looking at, is what you’ve learned from the experience. Trauma, loss, and bad experiences shape us into who we are.

Panel date

Your social worker will have a Panel date in mind that they’re working towards during your assessment. You’ll be told of that at some point during your home study.

Your social worker will submit their report about you to Panel in advance of the date. You’ll be given the opportunity to read the report and ask for anything to be changed that you don’t think is accurate. Your social worker’s manager will have read the report too and identified if there are any gaps.

Any issues should be identified as you go along and addressed. If your social worker has concerns, they won’t be left until the end so there shouldn’t be any surprises.  Panel isn’t just a rubber-stamping exercise, they will scrutinise the report and ask questions, but you wouldn’t be taken to Panel unless your social worker (and their manager) were confident that you’re going to be approved.

There are three possible outcomes at Panel; approved, deferred or your application turned down. A deferral may happen if the Panel requires more information about a particular issue.

The adoption process: Matching

Once you’re approved and the agency’s decision maker has approved the recommendation, the search begins for your child.

Matching can be done in several different ways. Some agencies involve you and give you details of a number of different children. There are websites you can register with to see children who are waiting to see if there are any that meet your criteria. Others don’t give you any details until a potential match has been found. Either way, your social worker will discuss this in detail with you.

Be prepared for matching being a difficult and sometimes lengthy process. With so many children waiting to be matched, it can be hard to say no to a match. But that is part of the process. You’re not doing a child who has already experienced trauma any favours by saying you can manage their needs because you don’t want them to be waiting any longer when you know that you can’t.

Competitive matching

Some agencies do competitive matching which is where they identify several adopters who seem to be a good fit for a child or sibling group. They then visit them all and decide who they want to proceed with.

Once a match is found, you will meet the child’s social worker, foster carer, and the agency’s medical adviser. There may be other meetings if the child has particular needs. That is your opportunity to ask questions and find out as much information as you can about them so you can be prepared as you can be for them coming home.

The agency’s panel will need to approve the match, but this tends to be less formal than the approval panel. Once Panel has approved the match, a timetable will be agreed (if it hasn’t been done already) to gradually introduce your child to you.

More information

If you’d like to find out more about the adoption process, have a look at this guide on First4Adoption’s website. I’ve written a book, An Adopter’s Guide to Adoption, which takes you through the whole process in a lot of detail. I’ve shared snippets of our journey to give you a flavour of what things are like – it’s the book I wish had been available when we started our journey.

The magazine is packed full of articles and interviews with adopters, adoptees, birth parents, and experts. Have a look around to find out what the process is really like from those who have been through it.

This post looks at the assessment process in detail from Stage One which includes background checks to Stage Two which is the home study phase and then Panel and matching.

Stage One

The first part of the adoption assessment involves a lot of forms being filled in and checks taking place. It should take no longer than two months but will depend on how quickly all of the checks take to complete.

This stage is a full background check of you so will include a DBS to make sure there is nothing in your history that prevents you from proceeding. If you’ve had a significant previous relationship, your ex-partner may need to be contacted, particularly if there were children.

You’ll need to have a medical done by your GP. Some agencies pay for this, others will expect you to pay. If you have a medical condition, there may need to be a report obtained from your consultant to show how it is managed.

Depending on where you’ve worked in the past, you may need to obtain references from previous and current employers.

Your social worker will also ask to see some financial statements such as your mortgage or rent account, bank statements, and the like. Some see this as a formality, other social workers will go into your finances in a lot of detail.

So, if you are struggling financially, flag this to them early on so that you can get an idea as to whether it is going to be an issue. Most agencies accept that debt is a fact of life but will want to make sure that you are living within your means and aren’t in arrears with any payments.

Referees

You will also need to nominate who is going to act as your referee at this stage. You need three, one can be a relative. Ideally, your referees will be able to talk about your experience with children which may dictate who you ask to be one. Your referees won’t be contacted until Stage Two, but your social worker may want you to identify them at this stage.

You will also be required to carry out some training during Stage One. The focus of this training is to make sure that adoption is right for you, and the journey children go on to reach the point of a plan of permanence by way of adoption. This includes the implications of the lived experience of children requiring adoption.

As part of your training, you’ll be expected to read widely about adoption and parenting children who have experienced early life trauma. You’ll be given suggested reading lists that will include podcasts and other resources to help you do this. Keeping a training log of all of your reading is encouraged so that you can show what you’ve done.

End of Stage One decision

Once you’ve completed all of the checks and training for Stage One, a decision will be made as to whether you are going to be accepted to the next part of the assessment. This decision is made based on all of the information gathered during Stage One.

If there have been concerns during Stage One, these will have been raised with you so it’s unlikely that a decision not to take you any further will come as a complete shock to you. If this is the decision, your agency should provide a clear explanation in writing of the reasons why.

You can complain about the decision – the details of how this is done will be given to you by your agency.

The adoption assessment: Stage Two

Stage Two of the assessment is the home study. Some people love this part, others don’t but the key to it being successful is being as open and honest with your social worker as possible.

That is obviously easier if you have a good working relationship with your social worker because it can be hard to open up about all aspects of your life. Talking about really tough experiences is hard, but more so when it’s someone you don’t know very well.

But, it’s a necessary part of the process as your social worker has to get to know you (and your partner if you have one), what makes you tick, how you cope with difficult situations, what you like, what your family it like to name a few of the topics you’ll cover.

They will ask you about how you have dealt with past experiences, how you feel about your family, and what sort of parent you want to be. Your capacity to reflect on your own past experiences may well be important in the future as you help your child reflect on things that have happened in their early years.

The visits usually take place at your home, although post-covid, some agencies still do some of the visits virtually. If you have a partner, most of the visits are done together, but there will be at least one on your own.

Stage Two training

In addition to the home visit, Stage Two involves more in-depth training and covers the assessment process in more detail as well as looking at things like therapeutic play and parenting, life story work, and family finding.

The training usually takes place over several days and may also include a training session for friends and family who will be part of your support network. This session will help them understand the process and some of the issues your child may face such as attachment difficulties and trauma.

You will also be expected to undertake your own learning through reading and watching videos and keeping a record of what you’ve done.

The adoption assessment: referees

Your social worker will also contact your referees and interview them to prepare a reference from each of them. They’ll be asked about a range of things from how long they’ve known you to how you cope under pressure and what they are like with their kids if they have them.

You won’t get to read the reference although your friends and family will probably tell you what was discussed.

Your PAR

At some stage during the assessment, your social worker will tell you the Panel date you’ll be working towards. This date may change, but it gives you something to focus on as the Adoption Panel will ultimately decide whether you are approved to adopt or not.

Once Stage Two is completed, your social worker will pull together all of the information they’ve gathered about you during the whole assessment process. This will include not just what was discussed during the home visit, but also how well you participated during the training aspects, your medicals, and information from your referees.

All of this information is put into your prospective adopter’s report (PAR) which is required by legislation and provides a comprehensive picture of you. It is what the adoption Panel members will use to decide whether or not to approve you.

Adoption Panel

An adoption panel is made up of a number of people involved in adoption and working with children. It usually consists of medical practitioners, social workers, adoptees, adopters, foster carers, and education specialists.

The Panel will read your PAR before the pre-arranged meeting. Again, some agencies still do these virtually, others do them in person.

The format of the approval Panel meeting will vary from agency to agency. You will be asked a few questions – some agencies do it so that the questions are provided in advance, others don’t and you’ll be given them on the day of the meeting.

The questions will be about something in your PAR, perhaps wanting more detail on something or clarifying a point. The number of questions asked doesn’t reflect that there’s a concern. As I said, each Panel and agency does things slightly differently.

Usually, your social worker will go in first, and then you will go in after a short time. You’ll be introduced to everyone on the Panel and the chairman will ask the questions on behalf of everyone.

Once the questions have been answered and they have everything they need, you’ll be asked to wait outside. You’ll then be told of the decision sometime later. Again, how this is done will vary. Some Panels bring you back in, others ask your social worker to tell you or the chairman will come out and tell you.

The decision

There are three possible outcomes at the approval Panel; approved, deferred, or not approved. If you are deferred it is probably because the Panel wants more detail about something in your PAR, or they think you need more time to do something.

If you are not approved, you will be given full reasons and then have the opportunity to make representations to the agency’s decision-maker. You will be given details about the process by your agency, but it’s worth bearing in mind that it’s very rare that people are not approved. Your social worker (supported by their manager) would not take you to Panel unless they believe you will be approved.

Any issues should have been aired and addressed during your assessment and if there are concerns that can’t be addressed, you wouldn’t be taken to Panel.

Matching

Once you’re approved, the matching process starts. Head over to the matching section to read articles about how it works.

This post looks at the difference between a voluntary and local authority agencies and how to decide which one to go with.

What is an adoption agency?

Adoption agencies have a range of different roles which will vary depending on the type of agency. These roles include:

• recruiting, assessing, preparing, and approving adopters
• match children with adopters once a placement order has been granted
• supporting children in adoptive placements
• providing help and support to adopters throughout their child’s childhood and beyond
• providing support to birth families

Prospective adopters need to choose an agency to assess them and take them through the approval process. Then, depending on the type of agency, the matching process starts by looking at children within their agency, or with local authorities.

What are the different types of adoption agencies?

There are two types of adoption agencies:

• local authority (LA) agency either on their own or part of a regional adoption agency (RAA)
• voluntary agency (VA)

Local authorities assess adopters and take them through to approval Panel. They then look to match their adopters with children who are waiting for adoption within their area.

Voluntary agencies assess and approve adopters, but they don’t have children in their care. That means the matching process for their adopters is slightly different as the children aren’t within the agency.

VAs tend to place children who have been waiting for a while or are more difficult to be matched, perhaps due to their level needs.

Local authorities and RAA will try and place their children with their approved adopters so if you decide to go with a VA, the matching process is likely to take longer. In addition, a local authority has to pay a VA if a child is matched with one of their adopters (to cover the costs of the assessment, no profit is involved). Therefore there is a monetary consideration when matching with adopters approved through a VA.

Finding adoption agencies

First4Adoption are the best place to start when it comes to looking for agencies in your area. You type in your postcode and it wil bring up all of the ones close to you. Some people prefer to use an agency who are further away, particularly if they live in a small area, and you can find ones further afield too using the same tool.

How to choose your agency

There isn’t a one-size fits all formula when it comes to choosing an agency. Some people speak to a number of agencies before making their decision. Others go with the first one they talk to.

I think the most important things to look for is the feeling you get when you speak to someone at the agency initially, and things like post-adoption support and the ages and types of children they currently have waiting. If you are looking to adopt one child, it’s pointless choosing an agency who only have sibling groups waiting to be placed.

We went with the first agency we spoke to which was the local authority where we lived, because it felt right straight away. I made the initial phone call and the lady I spoke to made me feel at ease straight away. We had a home visit and again, the two social workers who came out were lovely. They answered all our questions, made us feel at ease and excited about the process.

We had our only appointment at the fertility clinic in the September and I made the inital call to the agency in the November. A lot of agencies would have told us to go away and come back after six months from the date of our appointment. But when I explained that, for us, the appointment was the end rather than the beginning of exploring treatment, they were happy to proceed.

Speak to more than one agency

That’s why it’s worth speaking to several agencies if there is something some may not be happy with, such as health issues, debt, and fertility.

Debt is another thing that different agencies look at differently. Some won’t accept people who have any debt other than their mortgage. Others will. We had a mortgage, car finance and a loan which were all up-to-date and manageable.

The reality in this day and age is that most people have some debt, particularly if they’ve undergone fertility treatment. The key is that it is manageable and doesn’t put your home at risk.

You can contact as many agencies as you want to before making a final decision. Once you’ve found the one you want to proceed with, you can start the assessment process.

If you enjoyed reading this article, why not buy me a coffee to help keep the magazine free for everyone to read? If you’d like to read more articles about adoption, parenting health and well-being, and eco-swaps, head over to the home page and have a look at what’s new.

The average age children are adopted in the UK is three. However, children of all ages, including babies, are waiting to find their forever family.

Misconception about adopting a young baby

Many think that it’s only older children that will be affected in the long term by trauma experienced in their early life. And that babies can’t be affected by trauma before they’re born. This misconception can lead to a complete misunderstanding of issues later on.

For a variety of reasons, we wanted to be assessed for as young a child as possible. That’s also the age range that our social worker felt best suited us and our circumstances. One of the first things she drummed into us though was there’s a lot of uncertainty with a young baby.

Absence of information

No-one can predict how a baby’s going to develop. However, using their parent’s history, you can usually predict whether there are going to be major issues. The reality is that birth parents aren’t always completely open and honest with professionals about their history. Sometimes the identity of birth father isn’t known. That could mean there are conditions and illness that aren’t known about.

Issues like birth mother drinking alcohol or taking drugs, can go under the radar. The effect that has on an unborn child can be life changing although the symptoms aren’t always obvious straight away. For example, the main characteristic physical features of foetal alcohol syndrome are most prominent between eight months to three years.

Trauma suffered in utero

When we started the adoption process, I knew intake of alcohol or drugs during pregnancy could have a lasting impact on a baby. And obviously physical abusive. But I had no idea that babies could suffer emotional trauma before they’re born.

One of the speakers on our preparation course was a psychologist. She was fascinating and really opened our eyes to emotional trauma suffered in the womb. She told us about a study carried out to see if babies were affected by what they heard in the womb.

A group of pregnant women were asked to play the EastEnders theme tune regularly throughout their pregnancy. EastEnders was picked because of its distinctive tune. A second group were asked to avoid listening to the tune while they were pregnant.

Once the babies were born they were all tested for their reaction to the theme tune. Those babies who had listened to it regularly whilst in utero, had a strong reaction to the tune. Those that hadn’t, had a much weaker reaction. The conclusion of the study was that babies can hear and are affected by loud noises whilst in their mother’s tummy. Loud noises such as shouting during arguments.

More information

This article by Samuel López De Victoria, Ph.D talks in more detail about the kinds of things babies learn in the womb. Fear or anxiety experienced by a pregnant mother can have a lasting impact on their unborn baby. If there is evidence of domestic abuse during pregnancy, this may be something that affects a young child as they develop.

Another helpful article on the subject is “Helping to heal invisible hurts” published by American Foster Care and Adoption. It talks specifically about about this kind of trauma from an adoption and fostering perspective.

Our daughters were nine months and just under six months when they came home. When our eldest was about 18 months old, she started to have an extreme reaction to loud voices or noises. Even excited loud voices scared her. Without the knowledge we’d gained during our preparation course, we would probably have just dismissed it as a phase.

We’ll never know what’s caused it. But knowing it could be as a result of something that happened in utero has changed the way we react to it. We reassure as much as possible and explain more than we would have done. She can’t avoid loud noises, but hopefully she’s learning to cope with them better.

Knowledge definitely gives you power. If you’re considering a young baby, read about early trauma. As I said at the start, no-one can predict how a baby is going to develop. But knowing what they could be facing gives you a head start.

Did you enjoy this article? Why not buy me a coffee to help keep the magazine free for everyone to read? If you’d like to read more articles about adoption and parenting, head over to the home page and have a look at what’s new.

In this interview which was first published in 2020, Cat shares her experience of the adoption assessment being done with no face to face contact. Two years on and a lot of meetings and assessments are still done virtually so it’s useful to reshare this post so that those starting out have a better idea of what to expect.

Introduce yourself

I’m Cat, I live with my husband Mike and our two dogs Elton the English Bulldog and Tallulah the Shar Pei. You can find me on Instagram @notatummymummy.

What area of the UK do you live in?

Blackburn in the North West of England.

Was your agency a local authority or voluntary agency?

We went through a local authority agency called Adoption Now, which covers Blackburn and other towns in the North West.

How many agencies did you consider before you found the one you wanted to go with?

The honest answer is none! We typed ‘adoption agency North West’ into Google, Adoption Now was the first one that came up and we went with it. I wouldn’t necessarily recommend that approach, but our journey has been very smooth.

From the initial registration of interest to being approved at panel the process took around six months. We are really pleased with our decision to go through a local authority agency, but we honestly didn’t realise there was any other option or so many agencies out there.

Did you read any adoption stories before you started? If so where?

We didn’t read any books before we started the journey, but we did follow a few accounts on Instagram. The first account I followed was @thejoycesjourney I still love their account and it’s been a pleasure watching their adoption journey.

What was your biggest worry before you started?

Our main worry was that the process would take years! We knew Stage One was supposed to take around two months, and Stage Two should take around four months. But we thought that was ‘best case scenario’. We were prepared for the process to take a good year or so and were pleasantly surprised that we managed to keep within the proposed timescale. We also have some more personal concerns – my health (I have a chronic illness), and the fact I had lost my mum in September 2019 (we were worried the agency might not think I was emotionally ready to begin the process).

Had your assessment started before lockdown? If so, what stage had you reached when lockdown was announced?

We’d contacted the agency and completed our initial registration of interest when lockdown was announced. We then received a phone call from a lady (who later became our social worker) to say that the agency were not accepting any potential adopters onto Stage One at that time. She said they were concentrating on getting other potential adopters through the process.

This soon changed, and we received a phone call maybe a week or two later saying that the agency would be adapting to new ways of working (virtually) during the Covid-19 pandemic. This meant we could begin our journey!

How was your assessment affected by lockdown? Has it made things more difficult or just different?

Our assessment was completely affected by lockdown, but I would say it just made things different and not more difficult. Firstly, our agency followed guidance to combine both stages. This meant that we were allowed to begin Stage Two whilst waiting on things which would typically be essential in Stage One (namely our local authority checks, our DBS check and our medicals).

We were asked to complete a disclosure each related to our criminal history (or lack of!) and our health and wellbeing. Our in-person preparation training was also cancelled. We were due to have a three day training session which we were really looking forward to. It was a chance to meet social workers and other prospective adopters, so we were really disappointed when this was cancelled.

The training moved online with a combination of pre-recorded videos, a workbook to complete, and live video call sessions with social workers. There were also guest appearances from people who had completed the adoption process. We found this move to online training meant that much of the learning was self-directed.

We read widely, listened to podcasts, watched videos and documentaries and learnt a lot from the wonderful adoption community on Instagram. One big difference between how the process was for us and the pre-Covid process, is that we’ve only met our social worker virtually. Even now we’ve been approved, we still haven’t met her in the flesh, which is a shame.

Did you feel your agency and social worker kept you fully up to date about how things would be done as a result of the restrictions imposed due to Covid-19?

I think our agency and Social Worker kept us as up to date as possible about how things would work as a result of Covid-19 related restrictions. I also think it was a learning experience for them as they were adapting and implementing new ways of working as they were going along. For instance, there was talk at one point that we would be allowed to have our medicals completed by video call, but this never materialised.

We’ve been told our agency will continue to use many of their new ways of working even when the world gets back to normal. For example, undertaking some aspects of the assessment process virtually and holding virtual panels.

Was the assessment content as you expected it to be? If not, in what way?

The assessment content covered all the aspects I expected it to – and more! I knew it would be intrusive and thorough, but I perhaps didn’t anticipate just how many aspects of our lives would be assessed.

The assessment covered our journey to adoption, any losses we’d experienced, health and wellbeing, education (including checking our degree certificates), our finances (including any savings, incomings and outgoings), our home and garden. Our lovely dogs were assessed too by an ex-police dog handler!

Local authority checks were undertaken at our current and previous addresses, and Mike had to have a fingerprint check through the FBI for his time working abroad 11 years ago! Our employers completed references and so did family and friends.

At some points I felt a little discouraged that we were having to prove ourselves in so many ways that biological parents do not have to, but I completely understand why the process has to be so thorough when the children have already been through so much.

What has been the most difficult part about the assessment?

For me, the most difficult part was the individual assessment. This meant I was on my own when asked questions about the death of my mum and about my health status. These were the two things I was really worried would let us down in terms of being approved. I didn’t want to lie and pretend I was ‘over’ my mum’s death, when it was all still so raw having happened less than a year before.

I would encourage other prospective adopters to be open and honest throughout the assessment process. Anything you perceive as a ‘weakness’ or ‘flaw’ in your past can actually be seen as a huge strength and sign of resilience to social workers. Our social worker once said that ‘perfect parents are no good for our children’, and I think this speaks volume. 

How did your panel take place – virtually or in person? If virtually, how did it work? Did the technology work ok?

Panel took place virtually via Zoom. With virtual panels some agencies (ours included) have started sending the questions to prospective adopters in advance of panel. We received our questions around 7pm the evening before, so had a little while to look over them and to prepare our responses.

Our panel was at 10.25am, which we were really pleased about so we didn’t have to wait around all day for it. That would have made us more nervous. We had to join the panel virtually at 10.25am but were held in the virtual waiting room while our social worker answered questions about us. We were then invited in and the panel members introduced themselves.

I was stunned by the wealth of knowledge of everyone in attendance. There were about 10-12 people (I should have paid more attention!), and even the medical advisor had adopted two children herself. We were asked five questions, four which we had planned for and one which we had to answer on the spot.

We were on the call for around 30 minutes and were told to leave and then re-join the waiting room while the panel made their decision. It was a unanimous yes and we were in a lovely happy bubble for the rest of the day / week. Prosecco and chocolate followed!

What advice would you give someone considering adoption who is concerned about how social distancing rules will affect their assessment?

My advice would be to ask the agency (or agencies) you have identified up front about how the process has been adapted due to Covid-19 and what plans they have in place for another local or national lockdown. You want to see that they have strategies in place to keep your assessment and approval process going.

I also want to pass on some advice my Instagram idol @mollymamaadopt told me when I asked for advice about how to get through the process quickly. Get any paperwork sent back almost as quickly as you receive it. Always email and never post documents. Ask for confirmation that any important documentation or email correspondence has been received.

Think ahead. If you have a health condition, ask for a letter from your consultant rather than waiting to be asked to provide one. Never be afraid to chase up if you haven’t heard from your social worker.

These things can cause delays to the process in normal times, but more so during a global pandemic!

If you’d like to read more adoption experiences, head over to the stories section.