Little Miss will be four in January. She’s growing into a lovely, intelligent, happy and well mannered little girl but she’s got a wicked temper on her. She’s definitely a threenager. In some ways, her behaviour now can be more difficult to manage than it was in her terrible twos.

I’ve written before about how I struggled with her temper tantrums. At that stage though, I knew that they were prompted by frustration and her inability to be able to communicate what she wanted. The tantrums were longer and more intense, but looking back with rose tinted glasses, they felt like they were easier to cope with. I took lots of deep breaths and rode the storm, keeping her close until she’d calmed down. Then we’d cuddle and move on.

Now the tantrums don’t last anywhere near as long and it can be easier to distract her. However, because she knows and understands more, she’s able to vocalise things better. Not always in the right way though.

Her facial expressions and body language are hilarious because she’s so dramatic. You really would think the world was about to end if Topsy and Tim isn’t on at exactly the time she wants to watch it. Or if I ask her to clean her teeth. Go to the loo. Eat her tea. Or do anything really that doesn’t fit in with what she wants to do.

Being able to communicate better doesn’t always make trying to reason with her any easier. She thinks she’s saying the right thing and gets very frustrated when we don’t do exactly what it is she wants. Her mind is developing so quickly and because she understands so much more, she gets even more frustrated when we say no. It can be very difficult to reason with her when she’s like that.

At the moment she’s picking up a lot of things from nursery. Her favourite phrase currently is “Listen, I’m talking.” I wouldn’t want to be a nursery nurse for all the money in the world. I can only imagine how hard it is to try and communicate with a classroom full of threenagers.

I feel like I’m really struggling to know what the appropriate response is sometimes. She says things so forcefully that it is quite funny, but if you laugh that makes the situation worse. We then get the response of “stop looking at me” or “stop talking to me.”

The temptation then is to get annoyed because it comes across as her being cheeky. I don’t think it is though. She doesn’t really understand what she’s saying. She’s using the words she’s heard others use in similar situations. I’m torn between just ignoring it unless it really is rude, and correcting her and saying what I think it is that she means.

Some days I struggle to stay calm with her when it’s a constant battle of wills. If it wasn’t so annoying, I’d be very proud of her stubborn streak because she’s got it from me. If I’d had the choice of which bits of me she’d pick up as we got to know each other, that wouldn’t be one of them. But it’s a start. Hopefully one day it will mellow into one of my better qualities.

It’s not all bad though. Parenting a threenager is such a blast when it’s going well. I love being able to have a proper conversation with her. Joining in with her playing is such good fun (as long as I play by her rules!).

There’s nothing on this earth that compares to how I feel when she says “Mummy, love you”. Her hugs are given with such feeling and an understanding of the joy they bring. She’s gradually becoming more independent and will happily play in her room on her own. I should really take advantage of times like that to do something constructive, but I mainly just stand and watch her.

I have no doubt that when we’re pulling our hair out with frustration trying to parent her as a teenager, I’ll look back on her as a threenager and think it wasn’t really that bad. No doubt when this phase is over, it’ll be replaced with something just as testing and button pushing. That’s the joys of being a parent and we wouldn’t want it any other way. Well, perhaps missing the really bad tantrums out would be good.

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Who Hides Here? looks at the footprints of some of the most commons garden visitors. Each animal has a story that rhymes to explain a bit about them. The book is written by Rachel Coverdale and is illustrated by Neil Thompson. We received a free copy so that we could review it.

The book arrived the day we went on holiday so I took it with us. Little miss loved reading the book as soon as she saw it. She enjoyed looking at the different shapes of footprint and guessing which animal they belonged to. She quickly picked up some of the rhymes after a few reads through. As well as the story, there are some puzzles at the back of the book. There’s also a page where you can stick a photo of your child in too.

We were holidaying along the Northumbrian coastline and managed to catch some lovely weather. A day at the beach seemed like the perfect time to put into practice what we’d read about. Little miss quickly found a lot of dog prints and loved following them. At first, she ran in the opposite direction when she realised there was an actual dog making the prints! It didn’t take her long though to gain a bit of confidence, particularly when she remembered from the book that wagging tails meant dogs were happy.

We came across a lot of seagulls prints in the wet sand so she followed those. She also loved seeing how her feet left prints in the sand too.

Who Hides Here? is a lovely way of teaching your child about the types of animals that live outside. Little miss loves it and seems a bit more confident about meeting new animals outside. Hopefully if our friendly hedgehog comes back to our garden next year, she’ll recognise his footprints.

That was nearly 12 weeks ago and she’s been dry ever since. She completely missed out the potty and went straight to the loo. I can’t begin to tell you the relief we all felt when whatever it was in her mind clicked. We thought once she got it, she would have it sussed quite quickly. It was still a surprise just how quickly she was dry after that first wee on the loo at home.

Looking back, I should have been more alert to how our daughter learns new things. Rather than jumping straight in and trying things when she’s not ready, she waits until she’s totally got her head round it then doesn’t look back. She was almost ready to crawl for quite a few weeks. Then one day she did it and was speed crawling almost straight away.

It was a similar pattern with walking. She was pulling herself up on the settee at around 12 months and was standing unaided not long after that. Walking holding on to the furniture wasn’t really her thing but she’d do it holding our hands. Again, she was almost there for quite a few weeks before the big day when she was about 15 months. Just like with crawling, once she was away, there was no stopping her. She was walking, skipping, running, dancing and trying to jump within about a week.

I kept telling other people that she took her time to learn new things until she was completely sure about them, but I don’t think I was actually listening to myself when I said it. If I had I would have been more relaxed about the whole potty training thing. That’s probably the most annoying thing about it. Everyone tells you to relax and it will happen when they’re ready. That is so much easier said than done.

All kids develop differently

I did get caught up in worrying she was very late to still be in nappies at 3 and a bit. One comment from someone at work asking me if I was stupid for not having our daughter potty trained when she was 2, will live with me forever. The simple answer is, every single child is different. Yes, broadly speaking they will develop at about the same rate and do certain things at about a certain age. But if they don’t, it’s not the end of the world.

When she’s earned her first million and bought her parents the Huf Haus we’ve always dreamed of, we won’t be thinking, “if only she had been potty trained at 2”. In the grand scheme of things, doing things a bit later really doesn’t matter. It won’t affect her future that she was 3 and a bit when she sussed potty training. Similarly, it doesn’t mean that a child who is potty trained at under 2 will be more successful in life.

On the outside, I think we did quite a good job of staying calm with little miss. We tried to focus as much as possible on praising the smallest success even though we just wanted to scream a lot of the time. Screaming into a glass of wine (or 2) when she went to bed helped.

We had pretty much every potty in every design, but she just didn’t associate that with doing a wee. She loved Princess Polly but she just wouldn’t wee on a potty.

Success at last

There wasn’t a secret formula to her success. She just did it when she’s worked it out for herself. I think because our loo wasn’t exactly the same as the one at nursery, for a while she didn’t think they did the same thing so didn’t know where to do a wee at home. Once the penny dropped that our loo was the same as nursery’s, it was just bigger, there was no looking back.

She struggled a little bit with poos for a couple of weeks after she had the wee thing sorted, but we really weren’t worried about that. A friend recommended downloading the Poo goes home to Pooland app and she totally got it. All she needed was a few weeks to build her confidence to do a poo in the loo. I can highly recommend watching the Pooland app if you need cheering up. It’s hilarious!

Again, once she’d done a poo on the loo, she didn’t look back. Now we aren’t allowed in the room with her when she poos and she calls us when she’s ready for her bum to be wiped. Our only real problem is working out how to stop giving her Smarties after every poo! We said she could have chocolate if she did a poo in the loo (would have worked with me no problem!) so now she wants some each time.

Some of the things we tried

When we were having problems, we tried a lot of different advice from people. I think in some way, all of the things we tried did help little miss work things out for herself. Here are some of the things we tried, in no particular order.

1. Putting all changing things into the bathroom.
2. Wine.
3. Taking her to the toilet with us when we went.
4. A fun potty training book which is interactive like Princess Polly’s Potty.
5. Rewards. It doesn’t work for all kids but it worked a treat for little miss when she was nearly there.
6. Sticker chart. Little miss even put stickers on the loo for us when we did a wee! Still makes me chuckle when she says clever girl to daddy.
7. Wine.
8. Talking to family / friends.
9. Toilet training steps and seat. We got this Keter one which she still uses now.
10. A family toilet seat. We have this one in the downstairs loo. It helps remove the fear of falling into the loo but isn’t as bulky as a training seat.
11. Lots of liquid.
12. Keep calm, make it fun and praise as much as possible.
13. A good amount of fibre to make sure they don’t get constipated. The doctor prescribed medication to make her stools looser but in the end we decided not to use it. We upped her fruit and veg a bit instead and she was fine.
14. Using pull up nappies which they can get on and off themselves.
15. Try giving your child a bottle of bubbles to play with when they sit in the potty. The action of blowing not only helps them relax, but pushes down on the bladder which helps them wee.
16. Wine.

The most important piece of advice really is don’t panic. We were worried sick when little miss was holding onto her wee for literally hours. She was extremely distressed by it but nothing we did would make her go to the loo at home. This seems to be quite common in kids who are potty training.

Our health visitor said it could mean she stretched her bladder which panicked us. The doctor, however, said there was no risk of her doing any damage. Basically, a bladder will only hold so much. Once it’s full it’s full and there’s only 1 way out. If she’d been doing it for months rather than weeks, it may have been a concern. As it is, she’s fine. She seems to have a big bladder and still holds onto quite a lot of liquid before she goes.

So keep calm, keep it fun and it will happen. But only when they’re ready.

Our daughter is a bright, happy and intelligent 3 year old. We introduced a potty into her daily life probably when she was about 18 months old. We didn’t make a big thing of it, just explained what it was for. Like most mums, I rarely get to go to the loo on my own so she’s usually with me and often watches with great interest as I do a wee. I’ve even got reward stickers stuck to the loo for going!

At about 2 and a half, she started to tell us when she’d done a wee and poo so we thought she was getting ready to start potty training. We bought a Peppa Pig toilet seat, stocked up on princess reward stickers, and bought her Princess Polly Potty book which she loves. She seemed to understand the book and talked about Princess Polly weeing in her potty all the time. And of course, we bought her Frozen and princess knickers.

So, when we decided to start potty training, I was quietly confident that we would have it sorted in a short space of time.

How wrong was I?

1st Attempt

Day 1 was pretty much as I expected with lots of accidents, but I thought the second day would start to get better. It didn’t. There were less accidents, but that was because little Miss was holding on to her wee. She got very upset at the mention of sitting on the potty or loo so we didn’t push it.

We abandoned the first attempt of potty training at day 3 as she was also holding on to her poo too. She was becoming very upset and agitated. Everyone said she just wasn’t ready so we went back to pull ups. Little miss changed back into our happy little daughter again.

We continued to include sitting on the potty as part of her daily routine. We continued with the book and trips to the loo with mum. She gradually started to wee less frequently and was sometimes dry over night. So, a couple of weeks before her 3rd birthday, we decided she was definitely ready so tried potty training again.

2nd Attempt

Almost instantly we hit the same problems. A very distressed little girl who refused to sit on the potty or the toilet, holding on to her wees for hours on end. It was as if she’d forgotten how to wee because she held on to it for so long. She held on to her poo for 4 days so we abandoned the second attempt at potty training.

We spoke her key worker at nursery who said she just wasn’t quite ready. She was moving up to the big class once she turned 3 in a few weeks. They thought the move would probably help when she saw that most of the other kids were in knickers not nappies.

Over the next few weeks we carried on with pull ups, but kept potty / toilet as part of her daily routine. Little miss loved reading Princess Polly Potty and seemed to understand about doing wees and poos on her potty. She was weeing much less frequently and because of this, doing bigger wees which her pull ups couldn’t cope with. Nursery were concerned that she was holding on to her wee for long periods of time so we contacted the health visitor. She came out, offered some advice and said to go to GP to check there was no water infection. In her opinion little miss was ready to try potty training  again.

So, 3 weeks ago, we decided it was time to try again. Nursery had been taking her to the loo with the other kids and she’d been sitting on the loo there and doing a wee.

Potty training is going to be a breeze, I thought. Nursery have done all the hard work. All we needed to do was carry on what they were doing.

3rd Attempt

We started on the Sunday so that little Miss didn’t have an accident at ballet on the Saturday. We had a few accidents in the morning, but thought that was to be expected. What we didn’t expect was her to refuse to sit on the potty or toilet again. We thought as she’d been sitting on the toilet at nursery, it wouldn’t be an issue.

A hasty purchase of a training seat and steps combo followed and we felt sure that would do the trick. We muddled through until nursery again on the Tuesday. They said she’d done really well and only had 2 accidents all day. One when she was eating her lunch and was engrossed in that. The other when they didn’t get her to the loo in time when she said she needed to go.

The next few days followed in a similar vain and we felt she was making great progress. We’d put a pull-up on when she said she needed a poo as we didn’t want the complication of her being constipated again. That worked and she did a poo and was then happy to go back into knickers.

We had the long Easter weekend ahead of us at the caravan. We thought it would be the ideal location for us all to relax and for little miss to continue with her progress.

Day 1 at the caravan was probably one of the most stressful days I’ve experienced as a parent. Little Miss did 2 wees all day and both times she was extremely distressed. Again it was as if she had forgotten how to wee as she held on to it for hours. Attempts to get her to wee on the loo or potty failed and she got more and more upset. In the end both wees went all over the carpet.

Day 2 was a slight improvement in that we were able to read the signs better. We managed to catch most of both wees in the potty. Unfortunately she was standing up with knickers on when she did them. The next few days followed the same patterns. 2 wees a day, 1 morning, one late afternoon with a very distressed little girl who was nearly cross-eyed she was so desperate. No amount of coaxing, tickling, blowing bubbles, reading, dancing or playing would get her to go. By the end of day 4 we were managing to catch all of her wee in the potty. Unfortunately she was still standing up when she weed.  She seemed terrified of sitting on the potty to do it.

Watching her get so upset was the hardest thing. We felt so completely and utterly helpless and useless because we didn’t seem to be able to help her at all. We were worried sick that she was damaging herself by holding on to her wee for so long but felt utterly powerless to do anything about it. Even when we put a pull up on her, she still held on to it for hours.

We’d been to the Drs a few weeks before and she’d said to go back if things got worse. They had so we did.

Unfortunately it was a different doctor and she was awful. She didn’t want to listen to any of our concerns about whether little miss was causing herself damage by holding on to her wee for so long. Even hearing that she’d held on for 17 hours didn’t get her attention. She was extremely patronising and said there are no quick fixes with potty training. We were told to contact our health visitor if we’re having problems, not a doctor.

So, we endured another weekend of feeling completely helpless and inadequate as parents. Nothing we tried would coax little miss into weeing regularly. By that stage we didn’t care where she did it, we just wanted her to wee more often than she was.

We contacted the health visitor again first thing on the Monday and she came out armed with a plan of action. The first thing was to work out whether it’s something mechanical that’s the problem, or whether it’s something going on in her head. To help with that she’s started a continence assessment.

The first 2 days of completing the drink and wee diary, 1 day at nursery, 1 at home, has convinced me it isn’t something physical.  She wees regularly at nursery on the toilet. There is something going on in her head. She is either scared about using the toilet or potty at home.  Or she hasn’t clicked yet that our loo does the same thing as the one at nursery, it’s just bigger.

I’ve spent a long time on the internet trying to find something to help us or others who’ve experienced the same kind of issues as we are. From what I’ve found it is actually quite a common thing for toddlers to hold on to wee for hours on end at the start of potty training. Unfortunately, those who’ve experienced it haven’t gone back on the forums to say what they did to overcome it!

So, we’re still working through it. I know she’ll get there and we’ll do our best to make that happen sooner rather than later. And once we do get there, I will write about it again so that anyone else experiencing it can hopefully learn from what worked and what didn’t work for little miss.

In the meantime, thank goodness for wine.

One such incident happened last week. She has gorgeous long hair and recently she’s really started enjoying me brushing it (thanks mainly to her new pink tangle tamer brush) and putting it in her choice of style. This is usually either pony tail, Anna or Elsa hair or a cute little bun which she says is ballet hair.

We were having a lazy morning one day last week. I was actually getting lots of little jobs done around her requests to dance with me, sing or read her a book. She picked her outfit and got dressed without a fight.

Of course the instant I started to feel the tinciest bit smug that I’d got this parenting lark sussed, it all came crashing down around me.

“Mummy, please can I have Belle hair?”.

Belle hair? What the flipping heck does Belle hair look like? She’s never asked for that before. I’ve only recently worked out Belle is from Beauty and the Beast and as far as I know, she hasn’t seen the film.

I’ve managed to get through more than 40 years of life avoiding Disney. My nieces weren’t massive Disney fans so I’d managed to bluff my way through their early childhood without anyone cottoning on to my complete lack of Disney Princess savvy.

Fortunately my sister-in-law is a complete Disney Princess freak. She knows every film off by heart, the name of every Princess and can spot a Disney outfit from several miles away. She’s very kindly started to pass her obsession on to our little girl.

So, back to the task in hand – what on earth does Belle hair look like? I brushed her hair for a few minutes hoping she’d go off the idea but the more I brushed, the more she asked for it and the more upset she got that I wasn’t delivering.

I managed to google it but the photos that came up weren’t really much help. I suggested Elsa hair which is usually her favourite style but that just made her cry even more. The next five minutes were spent frantically attempting every style I knew until by complete accident I managed to stumble across Belle hair.

By this point I was a bundle of anxious energy feeling a complete failure as a mother. However, the instant the hair style was complete, the tears dried up and little miss looked at her hair in the mirror with the biggest grin on her face.

“Clever mummy”, she beemed, “I look so beautiful.”

Perhaps I’m not such a failure after all.