When you’re a parent and you’re in a relationship, it can be easy to get out of the habit of going out with just your other half. When you’re an adoptive parent, it can be even harder. Separation anxiety and a whole host of other things can make leaving our children with other caregivers difficult.

But making time for your relationship is so important. It helps to improve your mood and allows you to really talk and reconnect which can be hard to do with kids around.

Just because you can’t leave the house doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a date night. One of the things we talked about with our social worker during Stage 2 was self-care and what that meant for us. We both said finding the time to cook a nice meal for just the two of us was really important for us as a couple.

It’s something we try to do every weekend. We don’t always cook; sometimes we get a takeaway. But we try and sit down, just the two of us, and enjoy a meal together on our own. Making time for us is so important. And staying in is so much easier than having to arrange babysitters, taxis, and deciding what to wear.

If you want your date night to include a meal but you’re running short of time, you don’t even have to cook. Getting a meal from a takeaway or delivered from a restaurant is just as good (if not better!).

Here are four tips to give you some ideas.

Movie night

If you love movies but getting to the cinema isn’t an option right now, a movie night at home is the perfect date night.

You could combine it with a takeaway or snacks so there’s no need to spend a long time preparing making it a great last-minute option. With so many streaming services available, such as Amazon and Netflicks, you’ll be able to find a film you’d both like to watch, whether that’s a thriller or a comedy.

Most streaming services have the option of buying or renting a film, so you can watch it again if the kids mean you miss the crucial part.

Watching a movie in bed is a great option, particularly if you’ve got a bed with a built-in TV. If your movie night has got you thinking that your bedroom needs an upgrade, there are lots of options when it comes to TV beds that save space and give your room a luxurious feel. Cream TV beds go with most colour schemes, and add a touch of style to your room.

TV beds are also a great option when your kids are young and want to snuggle in with you early in the morning. With the touch of a button, you can put their favourite programme on while you get some more sleep.

Cook a meal together

For most of us, a delicious, home-cooked meal is just the ticket when it comes to reconnecting with our partners and spending some quality time together. When you’re parents, this can be a bit more challenging to achieve, but with a bit of planning it can help you to create a date night of dreams.

• Plan what you’re going to eat. This sounds obvious, but planning means you can buy all of the ingredients in advance, so no last-minute panic when you discover you don’t have something vital (just me?!).
• Use a recipe box. There is a range of recipe boxes out there that take the stress out of planning and buying ingredients. Gousto, Hello Fresh, and The Mindful Chef are just some of the options. They all tend to have introductory offers, and you can cancel at any time. They provide the exact ingredients you need and easy-to-follow recipe cards to help you create a memorable meal.
• Get a delivery from a local restaurant. A lot of local restaurants started delivery services during the Covid pandemic, and many have continued with this service, so you can bring the restaurant to you.

Involve the kids

Depending on the ages of your kids, getting them involved can help them feel part of the experience. Ask them to help you decide what to make, create a shopping list, order the ingredients online or go shopping if that’s possible, and ask them to help you prepare things like cutting up vegetables, making a sauce, or a cake for dessert.

If your kids are a bit older, they could even be your waiters and serve the food for you.

The level of involvement they have will, of course, depend on their age and whether it’s something they (and you) are likely to enjoy.

Have a board game night

Having a stay-at-home date night doesn’t have to involve having a meal. Think of things you enjoy doing together as a couple. If you enjoy going to the cinema, watch a film at home. Get the type of snacks you’d normally have at the cinema, turn the lights down, and enjoy a movie together once the kids are in bed.

Or, if you love a good game of Cluedo or Monopoly, have a board game evening. Again, snacks are probably a must, something nice to drink and set up your favourite board game. Add in some of your favourite tunes and you’re good to go.

An evening like this doesn’t require much planning so could be a great spontaneous date night option.

Date night: A walk down memory lane

A great way to reconnect with your partner is to talk. Get out some old photo albums or images on your phone or tablet and talk about the memories they bring back. Reminiscing can also be good for your mental health by helping to boost your mood and strengthen family bonds.

They could be photos from when you first met, your childhood, or when your kids were little. Anything that helps you to reconnect and share memories about the good times and the bad.

Looking back on memories might inspire you to want to book a family trip back to the place where you first met, or somewhere you visited when you were a child that you think your kids would love to go to too.

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If you’d like to read more articles about adoption, parenting health and well-being, and eco-swaps, head over to the home page and have a look at what’s new.

Written by Kay McCready

Adoption is a journey filled with love, hope, and transformation. It brings together individuals seeking to build or complete their family with a child who needs stability, security, and love. Yet, beneath the joy and excitement, adoption is layered with complex emotions—for adoptive parents, birth parents, and the child.

Many of these emotions remain unspoken, buried beneath the demands of the adoption process. However, to embrace adoption in a healthy way, emotional resilience is crucial. It allows individuals to acknowledge and navigate the highs and lows rather than suppress emotions in an attempt to ‘push through.’ When left unprocessed, emotions can surface unexpectedly, creating challenges for both parents and children.

This article explores the emotional landscape of adoption, the tendency to suppress emotions, and how emotional resilience can support a more fulfilling experience.

The Hidden Emotions of Adoption

Every adoption story is unique, yet certain emotions are common. Adoptive parents often feel anticipation, fear, and self-doubt, wondering if they will be ‘enough’ or if they will bond with their child. Many also experience grief—for the journey they expected to take or for past struggles before choosing adoption.

For birth parents, adoption can bring sorrow, guilt, and loss. Even when made with love, the emotional weight can be profound. Society often does not provide space for birth parents to grieve openly, leaving many to suppress their emotions.

For the child, adoption brings a mixture of relief, confusion, grief, and longing. Even when it leads to a better, more stable life, there is often an underlying sense of loss—the loss of biological connection and familiarity. Children may struggle to articulate these emotions, leading to emotional shutdown or behavioural challenges.

The Tendency to Suppress Emotions

The adoption process often leads individuals to focus on logistical steps—paperwork, approvals, and preparations—while pushing emotions aside.

Adoptive parents may feel pressure to ‘just be grateful’ and not acknowledge fears or doubts. Birth parents may feel they need to accept their decision and move on without fully grieving. Children may suppress their emotions, fearing that expressing sadness may disappoint their new family or create instability.

However, emotional suppression does not mean feelings disappear—it simply means they remain unprocessed, often resurfacing later as stress, anxiety, or emotional disconnection.

The Power of Emotional Resilience

Emotional resilience is the ability to process emotions in a healthy and constructive way. It is not about avoiding difficult emotions but learning how to sit with them, understand them, and transform them into personal growth.

For adoptive parents, emotional resilience means allowing themselves to feel the full spectrum of their emotions—joy, fear, and even grief—without guilt. It means acknowledging that adoption is both beautiful and challenging and seeking support when needed. When parents process their emotions, they become better equipped to hold space for their child’s emotions as well.

For birth parents, emotional resilience involves acknowledging loss and grief rather than burying it. Seeking support groups, counselling, or self-compassion practices can help honour emotions rather than suppressing them.

For the child, emotional resilience is cultivated when they are given a safe space to express their feelings without judgment. Normalising conversations about adoption, allowing difficult questions, and supporting their emotional journey helps them develop resilience. They should know that all their emotions—love, sadness, confusion—are valid and welcome.

Practical Steps to Build Emotional Resilience in Adoption

1. Create Emotional Awareness
Recognising emotions as they arise is key to resilience. Journaling, mindfulness, and self-reflection can help parents and children alike.

2. Allow Space for Grief and Joy to Coexist
Grief and joy often exist side by side in adoption. Acknowledging loss does not diminish the love and happiness adoption brings.

3. Foster Open Communication
Encouraging children to ask questions and express emotions without fear of rejection creates emotional safety. Birth parents should also be supported in processing their grief.

4. Seek Support and Guidance
Adoption is not a journey to navigate alone. Support groups, counselling, and coaching can provide vital emotional support for all involved.

5. Embrace the Evolution of the Adoption Journey
Adoption is a lifelong journey. Emotions will shift over time, and that’s okay. Navigating these shifts with openness allows for growth and connection.

Conclusion: A Journey of the Heart

Adoption is an act of love, but it is also an experience filled with emotional complexity. The tendency to suppress emotions in favour of ‘getting through the process’ may seem necessary, but long-term resilience is built through acknowledgment and self-compassion.

By embracing the full depth of emotions—joy, grief, love, and uncertainty—adoptive parents, birth parents, and children can navigate adoption with greater connection and healing. Adoption is not just about creating families; it is about making space for every emotion, every story, and every heart to be seen and honoured.

Unprocessed emotions do not simply disappear; they remain in the body and the nervous system. Over time, these stored emotions can contribute to chronic stress, anxiety, and even physical illness. Emotional resilience is not just about mental well-being—it is about overall health. Practices such as breathwork can be powerful tools in releasing stored emotions, regulating the nervous system, and fostering emotional balance.

How I can help

My name is Kay McCready and I’m an emotional resilience expert, trauma practitioner and 9D breathwork facilitator. I specialise in helping people navigate life’s challenges, heal emotional wounds, and rebuild their inner strength.

As a special gift for We Made a Wish readers, you can also download a free 5-minute 9D Breathwork session to help you begin your journey toward emotional release and resilience. Breathwork is a simple yet powerful practice that allows you to shift energy, regulate emotions, and restore inner balance and take the first step toward emotional healing today.

If you find yourself struggling with unprocessed emotions, I invite you to take advantage of a free Emotional Resilience Review. In this session, we will explore what your life could look like with greater emotional resilience and how I can help you achieve that. This is an opportunity to reflect on your emotional patterns, gain clarity on what’s holding you back, and take the first step toward lasting change. Book your free review today or visit the website for full details of the ways I can help and support you and your family.

Check out the homepage to read the latest articles about adoption, parenting and more.

Living with a disability is much like walking an uphill battle most days. In a world that was designed for able-bodied people, it can be very easy to feel defeated and as if all of the odds are against you. However, there are so many beautiful, and positive outcomes for you to embrace as a person with a physical disability. Whether you’re worried about leaving the house, or you’re overwhelmed about enjoying your home life, it’s time to adopt the power of positivity and change the narrative in your mind. Here are a handful of helpful ideas that may help you to embrace your physical disability just a little bit more.

Find an Easier Way of Getting Around

Your physical disability may cause you to feel fatigued on a day-to-day basis, which may stop you from walking far distances or walking at all. Finding an easier and more accessible way of getting around should be your first port of call. Getting a wheelchair will not only give you the freedom to go anywhere at any time, but it will also allow you to come to terms with the physical disability you have. Luckily, there are so many wheelchair-accessible places to go now, so you won’t feel as though you’re missing out on anything at all!

Adapt Your Home

When you’re living with a disability, there are certain things around the home that will need to be adapted. From countertops to staircases, now is the ideal time to make some much-needed adjustments so that you can feel as comfortable as possible in your own home.

Find a Support Group

There are plenty of other people who are experiencing the same disability as you right now. Their mindsets are probably the same as yours and they’re trying to figure out how to move forward in a positive way. Speaking to other people who have experienced the same situation as you will give you so much hope and inspiration as you navigate a new way of life. Never underestimate the power of speaking to people just like you, as it can be super helpful.

Discover New Hobbies You Love

There are so many disability-friendly hobbies that you can enjoy so you never feel as though you’re missing out on any fun. Whether you’re trying out a new sport, joining a book club or learning a new language, it’s time to shift your mindset towards something you love. Enjoying a new hobby will help to keep your motivation levels high and give you something to focus your energy on.

As you can see, there are so many ways for you to find support and make adjustments to your daily life. Whether you’re newly experiencing your physical disability, or you were born with it, there’s so much you can do to alter your mindset and think positively about everything the world has to offer. Hopefully, some of these ideas can bring you comfort so that you always feel at ease when navigating your superpower!

Image from Pexels – CC0 Licence

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Medicine is more than just pills and treatments; it’s a vast system that works to help the body and mind heal and grow stronger. From treating illnesses to preventing them, medicine aims to improve both physical and mental health, making it essential for daily life. With advancements in technology and a better understanding of the human body, medicine has evolved to address specific needs and even prevent certain conditions from developing in the first place.

So, let’s talk about how medicine really works to boost your health and why it matters.

Understanding how medicine heals the body

Medicine primarily works to help the body recover from illness and injuries. When someone breaks a bone or suffers an infection, medications and treatments aim to speed up recovery. For instance, antibiotics help the body fight off harmful bacteria, allowing the immune system to do its job more effectively. Meanwhile, pain relievers can help make recovery more comfortable by reducing discomfort, making it easier for people to rest and heal.

But it’s not just about treating symptoms; medicine also works to correct the underlying cause of problems. A functional medicine practitioner, for instance, aims to understand the root of health issues, offering treatments that can address problems at their source. This approach can lead to lasting improvements and help prevent recurring illnesses.

Boosting the immune system

Preventive medicine focuses on building the body’s natural defences. Vaccines are one of the best examples of this; they expose the immune system to a small, harmless part of a virus or bacteria, teaching the body to recognize and fight the real thing in the future. This preventive step is why certain diseases, like smallpox, are almost completely gone today.

Similarly, doctors often recommend specific vitamins and supplements to improve the immune system. Vitamin C, for example, strengthens immune cells, helping the body fend off common colds and other minor infections. By boosting immunity, medicine helps people stay healthier and reduces the need for treatments.

Source: Unsplash (CC0)

Supporting mental health and emotional well-being

The impact of medicine isn’t limited to physical health; it also plays a huge role in improving mental health. Many people experience stress, anxiety, or depression, and medicine can provide solutions to manage these challenges. Therapy and counselling are popular forms of mental health support, allowing individuals to talk through their struggles with professionals trained to help them cope.

Medications for mental health, like antidepressants, help balance chemicals in the brain to stabilize mood and energy levels. Combined with lifestyle changes, these treatments support mental resilience and well-being, making everyday life easier to navigate.

The role of diet and lifestyle in health

Doctors often stress the importance of diet and exercise in improving health. While medications can treat symptoms, a balanced diet and regular exercise build a strong foundation for the body. For example, regular physical activity not only strengthens muscles and bones but also improves mood by releasing endorphins, chemicals that make people feel happier.

A balanced diet fuels the body with necessary nutrients like iron for energy, calcium for bones, and omega-3 for brain health. Many health issues can be prevented or managed with good nutrition and activity, reducing the need for medication.

Motherhood changes us and often how we feel about ourselves as we learn to accept that life will never be the same again. As time goes on and returning to work creeps closer, it can be a struggle to prepare ourselves for how that will change our lives again. Some women relish the prospect of getting back to work and a routine. Others dread it.

After my first adoption leave, I was somewhere in the middle. But going back the second time was very different and I was definitely in the second camp. I was completely dreading going back to work and the lack of support I received from my employers only compounded that. I didn’t know how to manage my return in a way that made me feel good and because of the way it was handled at work, I was left feeling completely alone.

Ultimately, those feelings continued and escalated into something much bigger which ultimately led me to feel that I couldn’t continue to work for an organisation that didn’t know how to support those returning from extended leave.

I know now that I’m not alone in how I felt about returning to work. But I wish I’d known it then and that there is help and support out there for mothers returning to work. This article is written by Norma O’Sullivan, a return-to-work coach who is passionate about helping women return to their careers after taking time off to care for their children. In it, she shares an honest account of how becoming a mother made her feel and why she changed the focus of her career to support women at this crucial point in their lives to feel more confident and compassionate about themselves.

Leadership Coaching

So much dis-ease and dysfunction is caused by us hiding who we really are and repressing what we really want. So many of us are just tolerating our lives, putting up with careers that don’t fulfil us and feeling totally disconnected from what we need, let alone asking for it. So many of us are high functioning and successful by societal standards but we are also lonely, highly self-critical and chasing yet another thing to fill the void of ‘not good enough’.

I started my leadership coaching business in late 2021 to support corporate professionals in rediscovering who they really are before the world told them who they should be. I describe this process as finding the way home. I support my clients to self-lead by understanding their strengths, values and passions as well as their limiting beliefs and unhelpful behaviours. I take a therapeutic approach which means the work can feel quite deep, but it enables the client to identify which small changes are needed to bring about a liberating transformation.

Career shifts

I started my career as a commercial solicitor but in 2015, at the age of 29, I left it behind to travel the world. I knew something else was calling me and I needed to finally listen and discover what that was. The journey took me to South America, New Zealand and Australia where I found myself in construction working my way up to project manager over a period of 4 years.

It was during my time in Melbourne that I discovered that high-functioning anxiety was not a personality trait and that it was time to address my long-standing issues of low self-worth. In 2019, I returned to Ireland to pivot into management consulting supporting organisations and their people through change. In March 2020, I moved to the North East of England to be with Jonny, the Geordie love of my life!

In September 2021, I became self-employed using what I have learnt about leadership, career change, self-love and purpose to serve my clients, either on a 1:1 basis or within organisations as part of my leadership development programmes.

Becoming a mum

In late 2022, I gave birth to our baby girl Órlaith (pronounced Orr-lah!) at 37. I had a very healthy, happy pregnancy and I was very much looking forward to having a child. However, I was unsure about what becoming a mother would feel like and I was definitely anxious about what would happen to my business once the baby arrived.

When she arrived, I struggled to relax into motherhood. Whether you are a new biological or non-biological parent, there are a lot of expectations to feel instantly in love and grateful. As a recovering high achiever and perfectionist, my identity and worth were very dependent on ongoing productivity and ‘success’. 

I didn’t immediately identify as a mother and I craved getting back to my business and busy-ness as this was my safe place. Despite the amount of change I have had in my life, I only realised later that I still struggle with being new at a job! Becoming a parent was another new job and I learned the hard way that I would have to grieve the life I had before Órlaith before I could successfully transition into parenthood.

The early days

For the first six months or maybe longer, I was in denial that anything had changed and that I could continue with my old highly independent patterns. This baby was just going to fit in around my schedule and I didn’t need much help. I was angry about the mom guilt that appeared out of nowhere – I thought This isn’t my guilt? Who put this here??’

I was resentful that things now seemed 1950s-style unequal with my partner ‘Why does his life seem so unaltered and I feel like a bomb has hit mine and I am shell shocked?’. There were times I wondered if we had a mistake. Maybe I could just run away and leave them? I cried a LOT.

I missed my individuality, my independence, and my business. I was met with various direct or indirect messages that I was not the priority now and lots of clichés about loving her ‘to the moon and back’ and how much you have to give up when you become a parent. I resented the terms ‘mommy brain’ and ‘it’s just the hormones’ as it trivialised what I was finding to be, an existentially terrifying experience.

No one was talking about matrescence – the physical, emotional, hormonal and social transition to becoming a mother. About how your brain irreversibly changes when you become a caregiver. When I look back, I would have loved to have had more emotional preparation for becoming a parent and to have had more self-compassion to more gently navigate being new in this role.

I was very open with people about my struggles once I was able to articulate them, but I know so many parents just smile and pretend everything is fine, especially when it comes to returning to work. This is where the idea for running a return-to-work programme came from.

Returning to work after extended leave

While I didn’t feel like I had any answers to offer working parents yet, I knew that I could help normalise having more honest conversations so people wouldn’t feel as alone and ashamed if their experiences didn’t match up to what they expected.

I knew I could create a space between home and work, where women could come to breathe and reset. Where we could talk openly about our experiences of becoming a mother and grieve the version of us that went before. Where we could identify our strengths and values and gain a renewed sense of self in this new chapter. Where we could foster a community of like-minded women and regain our confidence after matrescence and assertively advocate for what we need as working parents. Where through increased confidence and community, we can curb the amount of women leaving the workforce because their organisations won’t support their new needs.

Becoming a parent through adoption brings its own unique challenges, in particular when it comes to inflexible work arrangements for adoptive parents and poor awareness of the emotional stress that can come with the process. I am currently undertaking a parental transition coaching qualification to enhance my skills in supporting all parents through this significant time of their lives.

How I can help

Whether you are preparing to return to work, recently returned or returned a while and feeling like you can’t stay, please consider working with a coach to support you. All mothers deserve more support. You are most welcome to join my return to work women’s circle to increase your self-confidence, self-compassion and self-leadership.

It’s a six-month coaching and mentoring programme with 90-minute sessions online every three weeks. Each cohort is for up to 10 women from any industry, career type and experience level with the common theme being the return to work after extended leave and enrollments are now open for the next cohort starting in January 2025.

If you’d like to get all of the information about the programme or have a chat about it, send me an email or connect with me on Linkedin.

Head to the parenting section to read more articles that provide help and support for parents and carers.

For me, HRT has been a game-changer. I use Evorel Sequi patches which are a combination of oestrogen and progesterone. They got me out of the dark hole I was in and meant I was able to start thinking of other ways to support my body through one of its biggest transformations.

There’s a lot of information available about diet and exercise to support the body during peri and menopause, but I’ve felt overwhelmed by it all and didn’t really know where to start. So, I was delighted when I met Nicola Farndell at a netwalking (the healthiest kind of networking!) event in my local park and she asked if I’d like to try her Menopause Boost 5-day programme. I was kindly gifted access to the programme so that I could give feedback on it.

Menopause Boost programme

The programme covers three core areas – nutrition, moving your body and mindset. All of these are key when it comes to supporting our bodies throughout menopause and beyond. The programme is delivered via short videos covering each of the modules daily and has a workbook to use for each stage.

I liked the format of the course because I can listen to videos on the go – I often find it hard to find the time to sit down and read something. But I don’t like long videos either, again because of lack of time to listen to them fully, so the format was perfect for me. I found the daily tasks and the programme workbook manageable in little chunks of time throughout the day.

One important thing to mention at this stage is that this isn’t a course promising to help you lose weight and be able to run marathons by the end of it. The programme is about giving menopausal women the tools to get back to feeling more like themselves with more confidence, energy and sparkle. The last one is probably the most important bit for me as I’ve definitely lost my sparkle during perimenopause.

Over the five days, you’ll get inspiration and support to eat better, balance your diet, improve your fitness, kickstart your mindset and start feeling like life is for living again.

You’ll learn how to:

• Shift your mindset and reclaim control over your health.
• Wake up with more energy knowing you have what it takes to improve the way you feel.
• Feel more confident in your body, and know you absolutely can like who you are – menopause is not the end of the road! 

The Programme

The first day is an introduction to the programme and how it works with a task to get you started. The next four days follow the same format with a short video for each of the key areas. The nutrition section covers hydration and snacking, portion control, meal planning and smart substitutions giving you tips and inspiration to make tweaks to what and how you eat so that you’re giving your body the nutrition it needs.

The exercise section starts by explaining why it’s so important that we move our bodies more and do targeted work to build vital muscle which menopausal bodies need more of. The following four days then have videos of around 15 minutes covering bodyweight exercises, cardio blast, strength training and flexibility and recovery. Lack of time has been the main reason why exercise has gone to the bottom of the list for me over recent months so I was pleased to see that the sessions were short. I still felt like I’d done a workout, and around 15 minutes is a manageable amount of time for me to find in the day.

The mindset modules cover mindfulness, positive affirmations, visualisation techniques, stress reduction and celebrating progress. It’s so important to spend time on mindset because getting that part right makes the other parts much easier.

The results of Energise and Elevate: The Menopause Boost

When you’re menopausal, it can be hard to take the right action to support yourself and give your body and mind the fuel it needs to navigate this part of your life. I think there are two camps for this. The first is the one I fell into which is to feel completely overwhelmed, not knowing where to start and therefore do nothing. The second is reading everything they can lay their hands on about what to do, and trying everything.

Neither of those options is the answer. We need a balanced approach that is manageable and something we’re going to be able to maintain. For me, that’s what this programme does. It gives bite-sized chunks of information and practical support to help us navigate our way through menopause so that we can thrive and not just get through it with gritted teeth.

My takeaways

The biggest takeaways for me have been making small tweaks to what and how I eat and meal planning has been a bit of a revelation. It’s such an obvious thing to do, but something I don’t always have the headspace or time to do. But actually, it doesn’t take that long at all and saves time and money in the long run as there’s fewer last-minute dashes to the supermarket, or takeaways because we’re too tired to think of what to cook.

In terms of exercise, strength training has been the biggest takeaway. I’ve always avoided it because I tend to bulk out easily and have big shoulders which I don’t want to get any bigger! But listening to the reasons why it’s so important really helped so I have introduced some of this type of exercise into my routine.

Mindset has been a huge thing for me, not just with menopause but life in general. I’ve had a lot of big changes over the last few years and I’ve struggled a lot of the time with overwhelm. Revisiting mindfulness during the programme has reminded me of how much I enjoy it and how much better I feel when I’ve done it.

I’ve really enjoyed the programme and my biggest takeaway has been that little changes can have a big impact. As I said at the start, overwhelm has stopped me from taking action for a long time, but I now feel like I’ve got a toolkit that’s accessible and easy to dip into to help my whole body feel stronger and healthier.

Find out more about Menopause Boost

So, if you’re looking for a menopause programme that will give you practical, manageable and effective tips and advice, I’d recommend giving the “Energise and Elevate” a go. You can find all of the details about it from Nicola’s website. It costs £95 which is an excellent investment in your body and mind. If you’d like to read more about Nicola and what she does, read her article about the seasons of life.

This article, written by Nicola Farndell, explores the idea that our lives come in seasons. Not in a cyclical sense, but in how we move through different stages of growth and development.

Nicola supports professional midlife women to understand the power of caring for themselves through and beyond menopause. She unwraps what healthy living really means to help women get in control of their well-being as early as possible so they can power through every season of their lives. Using her framework of mindset, movement, nutrition, sleep and stress, she helps women to feel confident, empowered and worthy, to live healthy, happy and strong – for life!

A certified health coach, qualified personal trainer and ex-corporate leader, she combines her corporate experience with her own journey of living with mental and physical health challenges to support other women build their own, sustainable healthy habits, enabling them to thrive.

Find out more about Nicola on her website, LinkedIn and Instagram.

Planning for the Seasons of Life

When I first heard the term “seasons of a woman’s life” I thought it seemed misused and didn’t understand what it was referencing. I thought of a season as something that comes, goes and returns in a cyclical type format. It’s also used as the American term for a series of a TV show with a finite number of episodes, followed by a long break as we wait in anticipation for the next season to be released.

As I became more familiar with the term and started to hear it used in different contexts, I grabbed onto it, understanding its relevance not only for me as a health coach but also for every single one of us. But particularly women.

There’s no denying that all humans have seasons in their life, in a biological sense – infancy, childhood, adolescence and puberty, adulthood. But for females, there are arguably many more unique seasons.

Most women are familiar with what menopause is and have been led to dread its arrival. For many of us, puberty was harsh enough, bringing with it all types of changes like mood swings, an emotional rollercoaster, physical changes to our body and mental changes too.

Then we’re brought up hearing about the onslaught of menopause in all its glory – hot flushes, mood swings, depression, anxiety, insomnia, memory loss, brain fog, low confidence, weight gain, loss of libido, nd many more horrifying, scary symptoms.

The many seasons of a woman’s life

However, what many of us are not familiar with, or educated about, is how we change in other ways through the varying seasons of our lives. Not all can be as formally categorised as puberty or menopause, but they exist and bring new hurdles and experiences with them.

It’s important to understand this for several reasons. Firstly, as females we tend to go pretty hard, putting an enormous amount of pressure on ourselves to do and have it all. This belief, which for many of us comes from childhood and is reinforced through the media as we age, can be severely damaging to our health. Striving to have it all, without consideration of our physical and mental capability, can and most likely will lead to problems.

Pushing forward without any regard for our health is, in itself, harmful in the here and now, but the consequences will be felt even more in the longer term, especially if this way of life becomes our norm.

Take a minute to think about your life and where you are right now, and reflect on the different stages
you’ve been through. For example, post-puberty there’s leaving school, maybe embarking on several years at university or going straight out into the world of employment, or setting up your own business. There are new social circles, friendships and relationships as well as changes in your family life and most likely your home environment.

There might have been heartache along the way, either through broken relationships or the loss of loved ones. At some point maybe you married or entered into a partnership and navigated the changes to your life this brings with it. Perhaps parenthood is part of your life and all the enjoyment, worry and change this throws with it.

Preparing for healthy and happy seasons

We all go through these varying ‘seasons’ in our lives, and some of these are guaranteed to have, as part of them, very specific physiological add-ons. Things that happen to our bodies and minds we can’t just choose to ignore or neglect. It’s important to recognise and be aware of this, so you can prepare for them, protect yourself as much as possible, and handle what you need to, as best as possible.

Why? So you can continue to enjoy your life and be happy through these different life seasons, embracing what comes next. Being prepared to navigate the seasons we all experience in our lives, including those that bring the potential for huge shifts and change, is something that can help you to remain in control, focused, and healthy.

It’s proven that when you’re healthy, you’re more likely to also feel happy. When you feel happy, you want to take care of yourself, you have greater resilience and can cope with change easier. Protecting yourself by being the strongest version of yourself also helps to maintain your health and keep you feeling well both physically and mentally.

I’m 100% an advocate for being proactive rather than reactive with your health. Quite often, when it’s time to react, things can’t be reversed, only managed and adjusted to. This can result in changes you’re not ready for and with life-changing consequences. There isn’t only one season when it’s time to begin this investment in yourself. To live healthy, happy and strong now and in the future, you should be investing in yourself right from the off.

Healthy habits

When I worked in corporate, I always used to think and operate with the mantra of “it’s all about the planning”. I know from my own and others’ health experiences, that being prepared when it comes to your life and having protected yourself through the right healthy habits and lifestyle, sets you up so much better to handle each new season that comes your way.

Being able to embrace the season of your life, rather than wish it away or lament the seasons lost, will lead to the happiness you desire. It builds a more mindful, positive mindset, recognising the cycle that life runs through. You’ll have appreciation and respect for where you are right now, knowing it won’t last and that you can tune into it to connect and find your harmony with it.

Some seasons will inevitably be more difficult than others, and some you may be pleased to see the back of. My key takeaway here is the awareness that they are what they say on the can – seasons. This means they won’t last, they will move on and bring something new in its place. They’re part of nature’s course. They’re part of being human.

Head to the well-being section to read more articles about health and wellness.

When life is full-on as a parent it can feel like there’s little time to do anything for ourselves. But making time to look after ourselves is key if we want to keep up with the kids and be present.

For me, exercise is a key part of looking after myself, but I struggle with it the most. I never seem to have time when I’ve got the energy and when I have the energy, I don’t have time. But I’m determined to start (and keep up) with an exercise routine that gives me the right balance and is something I enjoy.

One thing that has put me off in the past is not having fitness clothing. Looking the part definitely helps with my motivation but you don’t need to have expensive clothes and footwear to exercise. I love that retailers like Padel sell everything you need in one place so you don’t have to go to different websites to find the best kit at a great price. Comfortable, practical clothing is the most important factor, and that includes footwear too.

If you want to start with walking to build up your fitness, slip-on shoes might make things easier so you can put them on quickly and go. Finding the right socks for Crocs or other styles of slip-on shoes is important too so that they don’t feel uncomfortable. High street stores such as Asda and Primark stock a range of low-cost fitness clothing that won’t break the bank

So, I was really pleased when Becky agreed to write this article as it’s full of practical tips to get those of us who struggle to exercise regularly, back on track.

Becky is an occupational therapist and personal trainer based in South Wales. She’s passionate about making exercise accessible to everyone and since becoming a mother last year, she’s on a mission to support busy parents to find time to exercise.

She believes everyone should be able to reap the benefits of exercise and that moving our bodies should be an enjoyable and sustainable part of our lives. You can follow Becky on Instagram.

The importance of regular exercise

Exercise is incredibly beneficial for everyone physically and mentally. It has been proven to increase life expectancy, energy levels, bone density and improve balance (which can reduce the risk of falls), cardiovascular health, enhance cognitive function, and so much more! 

Physical exercise that is specifically designed for children can increase self-esteem and confidence, improve sleep patterns, concentration, cardiovascular fitness, and balance as well as help with relaxation, and other benefits. 

However, exercising as a parent, regardless of the age of your child or children, is challenging. Just when you think you’ve got into an exercise routine, your child starts a new after-school activity, starts sleeping terribly, gets a cold or something else changes and suddenly it’s a case of re-adjusting… again! 

We can all benefit from prioritising exercise, so here are my top tips for finding time to move your body and fit it into your busy life. 

Adjust your expectations

Maybe you think exercise only counts if you work out for an hour, 5 times a week. But that isn’t the case. Any sort of purposeful movement counts, even if it’s only 10 minutes or you have to pause frequently to get a new toy out for your child!

Workouts at home count, walking to dog counts, squats with your child on your back count! Try to make exercise fit your current circumstances and don’t beat yourself up if your new exercise routine looks different to the one you had pre-kids.

Schedule exercise into your week

That might mean planning to go for a walk or run whilst your child is at a swimming lesson or immediately after nursery/school drop-off. It might mean doing a 20-minute home workout whilst your baby naps or booking onto a mum & baby workout class.

Whatever it is and however tight you are on time, schedule it in, even if it’s only 10 minutes. That being said, if something makes your session unachievable, draw a line under it and try again at your next ‘scheduled’ session. 

Get your kids involved

It’s great for kids to see us prioritising exercise so get them involved. Let them ride their bike alongside you as you run, or get them involved in your home workouts. Make it fun and playful!

If they don’t want to join in your home workouts, set up some activities or play stations to keep them occupied in the room with you while you exercise. The more frequently they see you moving your body, the more likely they are to want to get involved. 

Exercising tips for busy parents: Start small

If you’re trying to make regular exercise a habit, start with three minutes a day. People often think that length of time is pointless. But it’s what those three minutes will grow to be that is important.

It helps you form the habit which means that as weeks go on, those three minutes can build to five, seven, 10, and so on. 

Consistency is key

Exercising once a week every week for a year is always going to be better than exercising five times a week for three weeks of the year! Find a form and frequency of movement that is sustainable for you, and stick with it.

If you miss a week of workouts, indulge on holiday, or get sick for a few weeks, don’t give up or beat yourself up. Just pick up where you left off. Consistency = Perfection. 

The one thing I really hope you take away from this blog is that something is always better than nothing, and consistently moving your body in some way, shape, or form will always be beneficial. Finding time to exercise when you have children is hard and it will feel like a juggle. But I promise the pros will always outweigh the cons. 

If you enjoyed reading this article, why not buy me a coffee to help keep the magazine free for everyone to read? If you’d like to read more articles about adoption, parenting health and well-being, and eco-swaps, head over to the home page and have a look at what’s new.

This is going to be the first of several articles in the coming weeks about menopause. I’m going to start by sharing my experience and future articles will look at treatment options, tips for managing symptoms, and how it can impact our ability to parent.

When we started our adoption journey, I had just turned 40. When our eldest came home, my age didn’t concern me at all. I was a new mum and felt like I had no idea what I was doing!

As we prepared to welcome our youngest daughter, I felt more prepared. Whilst I wouldn’t say I was parent of the year, I felt I knew more about how to be a mum.

I was almost 46 when she came home. Menopause was something I knew the basics of, but I thought it was something that would affect me when I was much older. I therefore didn’t make any connection between the way I felt for a lot of the year leading up to her coming home, and the following few years.

Becoming a mum of two

The first few months after our youngest daughter came home were tough. I put it down to adjusting to being a mum of two. Juggling their very different needs and being in an endless cycle of school runs.

I experienced post-adoption depression but didn’t feel I could talk to our social worker about how I was feeling. We’d had a really difficult road to panel second time around. Our original social worker retired just as things started. She was more like a family friend, and we were gutted she was leaving and therefore couldn’t do our assessment.

Our agency was short-staffed so after a lengthy delay, we were allocated an agency worker who’d never done an adoption assessment before. She only stayed with us until Panel, and then our case was taken over by a manager. Although she was very nice and we had met her a couple of times, she knew very little about us.

So, I didn’t feel I could talk to her about how I was feeling and just carried on. That’s what we do as parents. We just carry on, putting everyone else’s needs before our own. But if we don’t look after ourselves first, we’re going to struggle to be able to meet everyone else’s needs. If you want some ideas about how to deal with the mental load of motherhood, Claire Mac has some great tips.

Looking back, I think that was when I first started experiencing perimenopause symptoms. Things got harder when I went back to work after a year of adoption leave. I put how I was feeling down to that. And learning how to do my job again. And then the pandemic struck. I was living in a constant state of anxiety. But then, wasn’t everyone?

Fast forward a few years, I left my job and was starting a new career as a self-employed writer. Whilst that was terrifying, it was something I’d wanted to do for years. I knew it was going to be hard, but I was excited about the challenge, and leaving behind the stresses of a job I hated.

Connecting my symptoms to perimenopause

I was sitting at my desk one day, a few weeks after I’d left work. I was feeling relaxed and enjoying writing when I felt a sudden wave of heat creep up from my stomach. It moved up to my chest and covered the top of my back too, all the way up to my head. And then I felt anxiety like I’d never experienced before. I started to cry and felt like I was never going to be able to stop. That went on for about an hour. And then, as quickly as it came on, it just went.

This happened again regularly over the next few months, at the same time in my menstrual cycle. I’ve always been very regular, but that had started to change, and my periods were very irregular. It was only then that I started to put everything together.

I had struggled massively at work for about 18 months before I left. I’d lost all my confidence, felt very anxious, and often felt very hot. Because of everything that was going on with the pandemic and various other things in my life, I’d put all of those symptoms down to that. I worked in a courtroom. My job meant I had to wear a suit. I’d regularly experienced what I now know were hot flushes. But because my clothing wasn’t particularly cool, I’d assumed it was just that and the heat from the courtroom which had no windows or air conditioning.

It was only when I was working from home, doing something I really enjoyed, and experienced those things, that I started to think it was something else. I did some Googling and came across Menopause and Me. That’s when everything started to make sense.

I monitored things for a few months to go to the doctors armed with evidence of how I felt at certain times of my cycle. My worst days were just before I came on, and just before I ovulated. Some months, I only had about 5 five or six days of feeling “normal” before the anxiety kicked in again. My cycle ranged from 14 days to 28+ so it was a rollercoaster of a time.

Getting treatment for perimenopause

I’d read some horror stories about GPs not taking symptoms seriously and women being sent away without any help. So, I was very nervous about going to see mine. I burst into tears as soon as I started describing how I’d been feeling and was prepared for a fight to get the help I knew I needed. But I needn’t have worried. My GP was brilliant. She listened intently and agreed that what I’d been experiencing were perimenopausal symptoms.

I practically skipped out of the surgery. We’d talked about the options and agreed that HRT was the best course of action for me. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted.

It’s only now, after three months of HRT, that I’ve realised how long I’ve been experiencing symptoms. It took about a month for the medication to start to work. And once it did, I couldn’t believe the difference.

As women, we often just get on with things and ignore how we’re feeling. Because there were so many other things going on around me, I’d put everything down to that. If I hadn’t left my job when I did, I suspect I’d have continued to suffer in silence.

Perimenopause can look very different from one woman to the next. And because it is something that isn’t talked about that much, we don’t really know what to expect. At least I didn’t. I’ll never know if I would have made the connection between how I was feeling and menopause, if I had the knowledge I have now, five years ago. But I suspect I would.

What are the symptoms of menopause?

There are many, but the most common ones include:

• changes in your periods
• hot flushes, when you have sudden feelings of hot or cold in your face, neck and chest which can make you dizzy
• difficulty sleeping, which may be a result of night sweats and make you feel tired and irritable during the day
• palpitations, when your heartbeats suddenly become more noticeable
• headaches and migraines that are worse than usual
• muscle aches and joint pains
• changed body shape and weight gain
• skin changes including dry and itchy skin
• reduced sex drive
• vaginal dryness and pain, itching or discomfort during sex
• recurrent urinary tract infections (UTIs)
• changes to your mood, like low mood, anxiety, mood swings and low self-esteem
• problems with memory or concentration (brain fog)

A lot of these symptoms are caused by other things. But being aware of them helps you know what to expect. If you start experiencing several of them, it may be worth going for a chat with your GP.

Resources

The NHS website has lots of information and advice and is a good starting point. Menopause and Me is also a great site with a lot of help and support from booklets to coffee catch-up videos.

I’ve been reading Mariella Frostrop’s “Cracking the Menopause: While Keeping Yourself Together” which is blooming brilliant. I wish I’d read it years ago! If there’s one piece of advice I’d give my younger self, it’s that you are never too young to start learning about the menopause. Your future self will be very grateful you started early.