I’ve been delighted to see that over the last few years, there have been a number of great adoption books written by adoptive parents as well as practitioners. They help children gain a deeper understanding of what is a complex and difficult subject in a child-friendly way.

Here’s a list of our seven favourite books that help younger children, whether they’re adopted or not, understand the concept of adoption a bit more. The books have really helped our children understand their adoption journey and the process of how they came to live with us.

This article includes affiliate links for the books. That means if you click on the link to the book and then buy it, I get paid a fee from Amazon.

The Blanket Bears written by Samuel Langley Swain

The Blanket Bears is our favourite book about adoption. Our eldest daughter went through a stage where she wanted this as her bedtime story every night for weeks. The book is written by Samuel Langley-Swain, an adoptive dad, and beautifully illustrated by Ashlee Spink.

It’s a story about two little bears who had no one to look after them. It explores big issues like foster care and adoption in a lovely, gentle way. The bears are very frightened at the start of the book and the story explores why that is and how their social worker found them a safe place to live.

The story then looks at how their foster parents and adoptive family help the little bears to feel safe and loved. It’s a great book to explain the basics of adoption to all children.

You can buy the book from Amazon.

Olly & Lilly written by Matt Flukes, illustrated by Lucie Cooke

Olly and Lilly, written by Matt Fluke, an adoptive dad, is another brilliant book which explains to children why sometimes families can’t live together. Matt explains his motivation for writing the book:

“I wanted to encapsulate the fear, loss and concerns that adopted children face but also harness their sheer positivity and hope for the future for all children. The book is aimed at children aged 4-7, to help them understand their situation. It is valid for all children not just adopted children, as it discusses families, love, goals, challenges, hopes and wishes that all children have, whilst also acting as a key PHSE resource for schools. The parent bikes are non-gender specific, making the story applicable to all types of families.”

The story is about Olly and Lilly who are two bikes looking for a new forever racing team as their mummy has stopped working properly and can’t look after them. The first garage they move to doesn’t feel quite right, even though everyone was really nice to them. This shows why children sometimes have to move to different foster carers until they find the right care to suit their needs.

It’s an engaging and fun book which deals with big issues sensitively, to gently explain why sometimes parents can’t look after their children. It deals with some of the emotions children experience when they’re moved into foster care and then adoption such as separation and loss.

You can buy the book from Amazon.

The Family Fairies written by Rosemary Lucas

The Family Fairies was written by adoptive mum Rosemary Lucas to help explain the adoption process to children. It’s a rhyming storybook following the journey of a couple on their search to find their forever family. 

It’s a lovely children’s book and is written in an age-appropriate way, to help adopted children understand the different roles of the people involved in finding their forever family. Social workers and foster carers are referred to as “Family Fairies” which is a great way of engaging young children to help them understand what the different roles are.

My children love the fairies. We use the book as a tool to talk about the story of their adoption giving the fairies the names of their social workers and foster families. It’s also a great book to help children who aren’t adopted, understand the process.

You can buy the book from Amazon.

Eddy Finds a Family written by Sarah McGeough, illustrated by Stephanie Lidbetter

Eddy Finds a Family is written by adoptive mum Sarah McGeough, and beautifully illustrated by Stephanie Lidbetter. The first thing my kids loved about the book was the gorgeous, vibrant illustrations. They both love flamingos so Flossy and Frank were a big hit with them straight away.

The story follows Flossy and Frank as they learn about adoption and decide it’s the way they want to create their family. The focus then moves to Eddy, a little Emu who was living with a foster frog. Eddy’s parents weren’t able to look after him and Stella Stork is looking for a family for him. She decides Flossy and Frank would be great parents for Eddy and the story then explores how they all get ready to meet each other.

The book helps to explain some of the feelings older children may feel about adoption as the story doesn’t just cover how Flossy and Frank are feeling before they meet Eddy. It also explores his feelings and thoughts about meeting his new family.

He has worries about what it’s going to be like and what if they don’t like each other. This helps older children see that their feelings are normal and also helps their friends and family understand what they’ve been through.

You can buy the book from Amazon.

Tippy Moffles Mirror written by Mikenda Plant

Tippy Moffle’s Mirror is one of my favourite adoption books for children. It’s written by Mikenda Plant and I love the way she uses colour to represent different emotions.

Tippy’s tummy mummy, Poppy, has bright blue fur which reflects the deep sadness she’s experienced in her life. The story starts with Tippy’s early life with her mum. She tried her best to make her mum happy, but because Poppy was so full of sadness, that was hard to do. The harder Tippy tried, the more her fur turned flat, grey and dusty.

The story explores what happens when a parent can’t look after their child and the kind of help and support they might be given to improve things. And then why children sometimes struggle to settle with a new family in case they think they’re not good enough.

The book covers some really big issues like neglect, in a gentle way. It helps children understand that not everyone knows how to look after a baby or a child. And that it’s normal to experience a whole range of different emotions.

I first read this book with my eldest at a time when she was really struggling with her emotions. It helped her understand that we all experience a wide range of feelings, some good, some not so nice.

You can buy the book from Amazon.

Billy Moffles Straight Lines written by Mikenda Plant

There are a lot of children’s adoption books on the market which explain the adoption process. They use engaging characters to explain the adoption process and also the role of adoption professionals such as social workers.

Finding a book that explains to young children what domestic violence and neglect are, isn’t so easy. And let’s face it, in an ideal world, it’s not a topic we’d want our children to have to learn about. But the sad reality is many adopted children experience trauma because of violence between their birth parents, and neglect as a result of that.

Mikenda’s second book looks at the impact feeling scared of who you live with, can have on children and adults. And also how that feeling can affect how you manage other things. In this story, Billy’s birth mother, Daisy, isn’t able to give him the care and love he needs, because all her focus is on making her boyfriend happy so that she doesn’t feel so afraid.

The story looks at why this behaviour doesn’t keep Billy safe. And what happens when a child has to leave that situation and live with a new family. When he’s with his new family, it takes Billy a long time to realise that he’s safe and that his new mummy and daddy won’t leave him to look after himself, like Daisy did. He spent a lot of time tidying and keeping everything straight as he worried if he didn’t, his new daddy would get angry with him.

This is such a good book to have in your toolkit. It’s started some really good conversations with our eldest daughter about feeling scared.

You can buy the book from Amazon.

Adopting a Little Brother or Sister written by Holly Marlow

This is a lovely book to help explain the process to children who are going to become a brother or sister through adoption.

The story is about a little boy whose family are adopting a little brother or sister. It explains the stages in an age-appropriate way, introducing people like social workers and the role they have.

This is another book I wish had been around for our eldest daughter. I think she struggled to understand what our social worker did during the assessment for our youngest. She remembered our original social worker from when we adopted her because she’d seen photos of her in her life storybook. Meeting a new social worker was confusing for her. Being able to read a book like this would’ve really helped.

The book looks at what the social worker’s job is and the types of questions they might ask. This part really resonated with me because I can remember our daughter being asked how she would feel about sharing her toys with her little sister. She said she’d be happy to share them, as long as her little sister looked after them and gave them back.

The story then moves on to look at what happens when a child finds out about their little brother or sister and the mechanics of bringing them home. There are some great questions at the end of the book to use to start conversations with your child about becoming a brother or sister through adoption.

The book is perfect for biological and adopted children to read to help them understand the process of becoming a sibling through adoption. It’s also a great read for their friends, so they can understand it too.

You can buy the book from Amazon.

Bridie’s New Family, written by Flo Jackman

Bridie’s New Family is a charming rhyming story written by Flo Jackman to help children understand their birth history and journey to their family. The story was written to help Flo’s daughter make sense of her early life and understand why she couldn’t live with her first family.

The book guides a child through the adoption process, addressing the significant issues of why they couldn’t live with their first family, the court process, and family finding in an age-appropriate manner.

The story is about a child who is two, but you can easily adapt the story as you tell it to the age of your child, helping them to understand their unique story. You could also change the details about the character’s hair and other characteristics and memories to tailor it exactly to your child.

Bridie’s New Family gently introduces the big concepts of adoption, helping your child understand how their birth history brought them to where they are now, which is key in developing a sense of belonging. It’s a brilliant resource to use from an early age as part of their life story work and as a tool to start conversations at your child’s pace to talk about their first family, as well as things like introductions and early memories from them coming home.

Young children can struggle to understand the often complex issues around why their first family couldn’t care for them, and this story is a great way of introducing the concepts around adoption from an early age, in a way that helps them feel loved and heard.

Bridie’s New Family is suitable for children up to around the age of eight. You can buy the book from Amazon.

The Day My Heart Grew written by Emma Perkins

Adoption is complex, which makes it difficult for children to understand why or how things happened and why they no longer live with their birth families.

That’s why books like “The Day My Heart Grew” are so important, particularly for younger children, so they can read and learn about adoption in a simple way, helping them understand the basics that they can build on as they grow.

“The Day My Heart Grew” is a rhyming storybook written by Emma Perkins and beautifully illustrated by Hannah Steele, whose stunning penguin illustrations bring the words to life.

The rhyming story centres around a penguin who wants to grow their family through adption and gently explains how adoptive families come together. It makes a great resource to introduce adoption to younger children, and as a tool for starting conversations about life story work as they grow older, encouraging them to ask questions about their journey from foster care to coming home, and talk about their feelings.

The book is suitable for children of all ages and can be adapted when it’s read to a child, to suit their circumstances. Head to the Emma’s website to find out more details about the book and buy your copy.

Head to the book review section to find out about other wonderful adoption books for kids.

Thankfully, there are a lot more books on the market now, written by adopters, sharing their experience of the process. They cover the highs, lows, and everything in between, giving anyone thinking about adopting, an accurate picture of what to expect.

I’ve put together a list of eight books that share what the process is like from adopter and adoptee perspectives, as well as a novel that captures the emotional rollercoaster perfectly.

I was gifted some of the books so I could read and review them, and please note that some of the links to buy the books are affiliate links. That means if you click on the link and then buy the book, I get paid a small fee from Amazon.

Meant to Be by Lisa Faulkner

When Lisa learned that she couldn’t have biological children, her plans and expectations for her life were derailed. But, in the months and years that followed, she discovered that there was more than one way to build a family – and that there is a lot of joy to be found in life’s unexpected detours.

And Then There Were Four by Emma Sutton

And Then There Were Four is an unforgettable, unputdownable rollercoaster through the hilarious highs and pass-the-gin-now-the-tissues lows of infertility, adoption, and parenting.

No Matter What: An Adoptive Family’s Story of Hope, Love and Healing by Sally Donovan

This book tells the uplifting true story of an ordinary couple who build an extraordinary family, describing Sally and Rob Donovan’s journey from a diagnosis of infertility to their decision to adopt two children who suffered abuse in their early lives. Heart-rending, inspiring and hilarious, Sally and Rob’s story offers a rare insight into the world of adoptive parents and just what it takes to bring love to the lives of traumatised children.

The Adoption Paradox: Putting Adoption in Perspective by Jean Kelly Wilder

Adoptee Jean analyses the adoption industry in America from the perspective of a transracial adoptee, and also through the lense of birth mums sharing their experience of being coerced into relinquishing their children.

Whilst the book focuses on the American adoption system, her insight as an adoptee and the message she portrays from her own experience and other adoptees quoted in the book, is one that anyone thinking about adopting in England needs to be aware of.

Honesty and open conversations are key and creating an environment where it’s normal to talk about heritage, birth families and (in an age-appropriate way) the reasons why adoption was felt to be the only option.

Jean not only shares her story and experiences, but those of other adoptees and birth parents which are the two sides of the adoption triangle that are often heard the least. The experiences give a lot of food for thought and insight into how to support adopted children understand their birth history.

One quote she shares from Reverend Keith C. Griffith, MBE, really stuck out to me, which is “Adoption loss is the only trauma in the world where the victims are expected by the whole of society to be grateful.” It shows how far we still have to go, to raise awareness about adoption and the impact it has on everyone involved.

A powerful book and one that all adoptive parents-to-be should read.

How I Met My Son: A Journey Through Adoption by Rosalind Powell

When journalist Rosalind Powell and her husband wanted to start a family, they had no idea of the journey that lay ahead. Encountering fertility issues and gruelling IVF treatment to no avail, but still determined to be parents, they set off on the adoption route. After many false starts and dashed hopes they eventually, and luckily, found their son. A candid, compelling, and inspirational book about what it means to be a parent of a child that isn’t, biologically, your own.

My Adoption Journey 2015-2019 How My Dream Became A Reality, Yours Could Too by Christopher A Gaidhu-Withell

When Chris and his husband were researching adoption, trying to find hints, tips, and general personal experiences on how other same-sex couples had found the process, there was nothing out there. Most of what was out there were the happy elements such as family holidays or days out now that everything has settled. They didn’t show the negativity from the stresses of assessments or the stresses of adjusting to the major changes going on. This is why he decided to write this book, to provide help and advice to those who are going through the same journey that myself and my husband went through.

Me, the Boy, and The Monster: Exploring the psychology of adoption and trauma by Cat McGill

The book is a personal, thoughtful, and touching tribute to a family’s journey through the world of adoption and trauma. McGill has a background in developmental psychology and uses this to great effect; the theory sections of MTBTM are relevant, researched, and related to real-life examples from McGill’s own experience with her adopted son.

The Girl in the Purple Dress by Jo Horsely

Always, always carry hope… This is Jo’s adoption story, which begins with her as a small child being rocked by her mother, who is struggling to hand her over to the adoption agency. Through school and work, heartbreak and marriage, love and loss, Jo discovers more about herself and builds a life that embraces all definitions of the word ‘family’. Her story hasn’t ended, and there’s so much more to come…

The Prep Group by Eloisa Hope

“The Prep Group” is a novel about three hopeful couples who have embarked on the challenging journey of becoming parents through adoption. It follows the couples as they share the highs, lows, and everything in between the adoption assessment process, matching, placement, and beyond.

There are parts of the book that made the hairs on the back of my arms stand up. Becoming a parent via adoption is something you can’t imagine unless you’ve been through it. It’s a journey like no other, and Eloisa has captured that brilliantly. Although the book is fiction, it’s a must-read for anyone thinking about adoption because it captures so accurately the rollercoaster of highs, lows and everything in between when you become an adoptive parent.

Siblings: Emma’s Story by Hilary Coombes

A novel about the complexities of families and how lies can shatter trust.

“Emma has always longed for love and honesty, but her world has been built on betrayal. Her parents lied. Her partner deceived her. The people closest to her turned out to be strangers hiding secrets.”

This is a real page-turner and provokes a lot of thoughts around honesty and the impact lies about birth history can have on children (and adults) when the truth finally comes out. It’s a brilliant story that raises a lot of issues that adopters should be mindful of.

What Makes a Mum? by NFM

This book had me in tears, nodding along in agreement and gave me goosebumps. A memoir that raises a lot of important issues that are too often swept under the carpet. NFM shares an honest account of her rollercoaster ride from being in the care system, to becoming mum via adoption.

Head to the book review section to read my full review of the book. It’s definitely a page-turner and a book all adopters-to-be should read.

If you enjoyed reading this article, why not buy me a coffee to help keep the magazine free for everyone to read? If you’d like to read more articles about adoption, health and wellbeing, and parenting, head over to the homepage and have a look at what’s new.

Please note that most reviews will include affiliate links for the book. That means if you click on the link in the article to the book, and then buy it, I get paid a fee from Amazon.

The adoption process

An Adopter’s Guide to Adoption My book is a step-by-step guide to the adoption process. It covers everything from things you can do to prepare, to the assessment, Panel, matching, placement and beyond. It’s full of advice, information and snippets of our journey.

Preparing for adoption: Everything Adopting Parents Need to Know About Preparations, Introductions and the First Few Weeks by Julia Davis. This book is about how to prepare for your adoptive child and create a strong foundation for a healthy and loving relationship. Julia Davis explains how many different factors can shape preparations for adoption, such as finding out about your child’s history and using this information to establish a family environment which will meet your child’s specific attachment needs. There is also advice on how to prepare your home to create a sense of safety for your child and how to prepare your family to support you as adoptive parents.

Adopting a child: The definitive guide to adoption in the UK by Jennifer Lord. The book provides information about the kinds of children who need adopting; the reasons why people adopt children; what sort of people adoption agencies are looking for and why; how to go about it, including the legal aspects and the costs; about intercountry adoption and adoption of stepchildren; and what happens after adoption.

What to expect when you’re adopting: A practical guide to the decisions and emotions involved in adoption by Dr Ian Palmer. The book draws on extensive research and the author’s own experience of being adopted. It doesn’t gloss over the realities of the adoption process, but rather leads parents through the many stages and emotional aspects involved and offer practical and sensitive advice.

Adoption books about parenting

The A to Z of Therapeutic Parenting: Strategies and Solutions by Sarah Naish. One of a number of brilliant books written by Sarah about parenting children who’ve experienced trauma. Therapeutic parenting is a deeply nurturing parenting style, and is especially effective for children with attachment difficulties, or who experienced childhood trauma. This book provides everything you need to know in order to be able to effectively therapeutically parent. Other books from Sarah include Therapeutic Parenting Essentials: Moving from trauma to trust, Therapeutic Parenting in a Nutshell.

The Unofficial Guide to Adoptive Parenting: The Small Stuff, The Big Stuff and The Stuff In Between by Sally Donovan. Sally is an adoptive parent and the book combines her knowledge of trauma and attachment gleaned from training courses and therapeutic parenting experts, with her lived experience of parenting two traumatised children and bridges the gap between the two. She offers realistic advice on how to be ‘good enough’ in the face of both day-to-day and more bewildering challenges responding to meltdowns, overcoming anxieties about changes to established routines and, most importantly, how to be a strong parent who can protect and nurture your adopted child.

First Steps in Parenting the Child who Hurts: Tiddlers and Toddlers by Caroline Archer. The book approaches attachment and developmental issues that can arise. It offers practical, sensitive guidance through the dark areas of separation, loss and trauma in early childhood.

Creating Loving Attachments: Parenting with PACE to Nurture Confidence and Security in the Troubled Child by Kim S Golding and Daniel A. Hughes. The book explores the elements of PACE and how they can help children who have experienced trauma. They need to be parented in a way that helps them feel safe and secure, builds attachments and allows them to heal. Playfulness, acceptance, curiosity and empathy (PACE) are four valuable elements of parenting that, combined with love, can help children to feel confident and secure.

Adoption stories

Meant to Be by Lisa Faulkner. When Lisa learned that she couldn’t have biological children, her plans and expectations for her life were derailed. But, in the months and years that followed, she discovered that there was more than one way to build a family – and that there is a lot of joy to be found in life’s unexpected detours.

And Then There Were Four by Emma Sutton. And Then There Were Four is an unforgettable, unputdownable roller coaster through the hilarious highs and pass-the-gin-now-the-tissues lows of infertility, adoption, and parenting.

No Matter What: An Adoptive Family’s Story of Hope, Love and Healing by Sally Donovan. This book tells the uplifting true story of an ordinary couple who build an extraordinary family – describing Sally and Rob Donovan’s journey from a diagnosis of infertility to their decision to adopt two children who suffered abuse in their early life. Heart-rending, inspiring and hilarious, Sally and Rob’s story offers a rare insight into the world of adoptive parents and just what it takes to bring love to the lives of traumatised children.

How I Met My Son: A Journey Through Adoption by Rosalind Powell. When journalist Rosalind Powell and her husband wanted to start a family, they had no idea of the journey that lay ahead. Encountering fertility issues and gruelling IVF treatment to no avail, but still determined to be parents, they set off on the adoption route. After many false starts and dashed hopes they eventually, and luckily, found their son. A candid, compelling and inspirational book about what it means to be a parent of a child that isn’t, biologically, your own.

My Adoption Journey 2015-2019 How My Dream Became A Reality, Yours Could Too by Christopher A Gaidhu-Withell. When Chris and his husband were researching adoption, trying to find hints, tips and general personal experiences on how other same-sex couples had found the process, there was nothing out there. Most of what was out there was the happy elements such as family holidays or days out now that everything has settled. They didn’t show the negativity from the stresses of assessments or the stresses of adjusting to the major changes going on. This is why he decided to write this book, to provide help and advice to those who are going through the same journey that myself and my husband went through.

Me, the Boy, and The Monster: Exploring the psychology of adoption and trauma by Cat McGill. The book is a personal, thoughtful, and touching tribute to a family’s journey through the world of adoption and trauma. McGill has a background in developmental psychology and uses this to great effect; the theory sections of MTBTM are relevant, researched, and related to real-life examples from McGill’s own experience with her adopted son.

AdoptyMum: A Survival Guide To Life With Adopted Kids by Elena Holmes. AdoptyMum and Co look like a normal family. So why is she getting uptight when someone offers her son a biscuit? This is the story of what happens you can’t give birth to children of your own, and you take on kids whose start in life has been… difficult. Join AdoptyMum for a bumpy, scary, life-changing and rewarding ride.

Adoption books for children

The Family Fairies by Rosemary Lucas. This magical rhyming storybook follows a special couple on their journey to a forever family through adoption. The phrase “Family Fairies” imaginatively refers to social workers and foster carers and the book helps adopted children to understand the role these people play in making dreams come true by bringing families together in this way.

The Blanket Bears by Samuel Langley-Swain. This is a beautiful picture book telling the story of two little bears who have no-one to look after them. Their social worker takes them to stay with foster care bears until she can find them a forever family. A lovely, easy to read book to explain the adoption process to children.

The Invisible String by Patrice Karst. Parents, educators, therapists, and social workers alike have declared The Invisible String the perfect tool for coping with all kinds of separation anxiety, loss, and grief. In this relatable and reassuring contemporary classic, a mother tells her two children that they’re all connected by an invisible string.

Gus Becomes a Big Brother: An Adoption Story by Heather S Lonczak. The book tells a heart warming adoption story, with special emphasis on how an older sibling, Gus, deals with the anticipation, preparation, and experience of becoming a big brother. As the Barker family embarks on their adoption journey, Gus navigates his way through many difficult emotions; such as anxiety, frustration and jealousy. But with the support and guidance of his parents; Gus ultimately develops patience, empathy, compassion, and a ton of brotherly love.

Katie Careful and the Very Sad Smile: A story about anxious and clingy behaviour by Sarah Naish and Rosie Jeffries. Katie Careful has just moved in with her siblings and their new parents. Even if she’s sad or scared, she smiles and smiles to try and hide her wobbly feelings. She clings on to her Mum’s leg and won’t let go and she even follows her to the toilet, banging on the door to remind her that she’s there. Luckily, her Mum understands why Katie acts this way. Written by a mum who understands and her daughter, who is adopted. This insightful story will help your whole family understand anxiety better.

If you’d like to see what others think of some of these books, click here to read their reviews.

Matt is dad to two adopted sons who came home forever in early 2017. During his adoption leave, he was diagnosed with incurable Myeloma Cancer. He’s having ongoing treatment which has included a stem cell transplant.

He drafted the first version of this book back in 2017 as both a legacy for his sons, but also to help all families going through change. He’s hoping to create a series of books exploring different issues with Olly & Lilly.

Olly and Lilly. The Search for a New Race Team

Matt explains his motivation for writing the book :

“Whilst preparing to adopt, my husband and I read many books to help inform and educate us on the challenges ahead, both emotional and practical. The subject of adoption lacked books and stories that resonated with our sons. Most were pitched at too young an age and over-simplified.

“I wanted to encapsulate the fear, loss and concerns that adopted children face but also harness their sheer positivity and hope for the future for all children. The book is aimed at children aged 4-7, to help them understand their situation.

“It is valid for all children not just adopted children, as it discusses families, love, goals, challenges, hopes and wishes that all children have, whilst also acting as a key PHSE resource for schools. The parent bikes are non-gender specific, making the story applicable to all types of families.”

Matt blogs about their journey “From Software to Softplay” and you can follow him on Instagram. If you’d like to find out about donating stem cells to help people like Matt, visit the Myeloma website. We were kindly gifted a copy of the book so that we could do the review.

Olly and Lilly: Our review

Our eldest daughter was six when we reviewed the book and was really excited when we opened the parcel. She loved the front cover straight away. She asked what the book was about so I said it was a book about what happens if parents aren’t able to look after their children. That then started a conversation about her tummy mummy and why she came to live with us.

Olly & Lilly is a beautiful picture storybook. It follows the journey two young bikes take to find a new forever race team when their mummy stops working properly and can’t look after them.

The story looks at some big issues such as neglect, in a gentle, sensitive way. When we got to that part of the book, our eldest asked quite a few questions about why parents sometimes can’t look after their children.

Finding a new family

The book explores why it isn’t always the case that the first new race team will be the right one. Olly & Lilly didn’t feel that they fitted into the first garage they were moved to. Everyone was lovely, but it didn’t feel quite right. I think this is a brilliant way of explaining why sometimes children have to move to different placements until they find the right care to suit their needs.

The story then explores how two grown-up bikes wanted to create their own race-team family. The yellow helper bike checks out where they live and what they’re like, to make sure they’re the perfect fit for Olly & Lilly.

We really enjoyed reading the book. It’s engaging and fun but deals with big issues sensitively to gently explain why sometimes parents can’t look after their children. It deals with some of the emotions children experience when they’re moved into foster care and then adopted such as separation and loss. Children love bikes so using them as the characters is a great way of engaging them. The illustrations are beautiful.

If you’re looking for a book to explain the issues around adoption to young children, we would definitely recommend it. It captured our eldest’s attention straight away and she said to tell everyone that she loved it!

“Olly & Lilly. The search for a new race team” is available to buy from Amazon or directly from the author. Please note that the link to Amazon is affiliated which means if you click on it and buy the book, I get paid a fee.

If you’d like to find out about more children’s books that deal with adoption, have a look at my roundup of some of the best ones.

I really struggled to find many blogs or books from adopters. Ultimately, that led me to write my book about the adoption process from my perspective as an adopter. Since then, a lot of other adopters have taken to their laptops to share their experiences to help those thinking about adoption and wanting to find out what it’s really like.

I love that we’ve taken things into our own hands to fill the gap and raise awareness about adoption. There are so many more books available now than there were when we started over 10 years ago.

I’ve been lucky enough to be asked to review some of them and have published my reviews and those of other adopters of some of those books.

The most recent I’ve been asked to review is “Our Beautiful Chaos” written by Rachael Leanne. I was thrilled to be asked to review this book for two reasons. Firstly, there are a lot of similarities in our experiences and secondly, Rachael is from the wonderful part of England where I live and I love supporting fellow northerners.

I was kindly gifted a copy of the book so that I could read and review it.

The book

“Our Beautiful Chaos” is an extremely honest account of Rachael’s journey from battling infertility to the decision to adopt, the assessment, matching, and beyond.

Reading the book brought back so many memories of the assessment and the early days of placement in particular. There were a lot of parts that had me in tears because the words took me right back to the emotions I was feeling at certain times of the assessment.

While the book is brilliant at sharing what the assessment and then matching are like, I think this book comes into its own when Rachael shares her feelings and emotions about the early weeks and months of placement. This part resonated with me a lot.

Unless you’ve been through it, you really can’t understand what it’s like to become a parent via adoption. All of the textbooks and training can only ever go so far because the people writing them, generally, haven’t been through the process.

Becoming a parent via adoption isn’t for the faint-hearted. It takes determination, patience, love, and a whole lot more. And that’s what comes through in this book. Rachael shares how the level of parenting required with her two eldest children cost her a lot in terms of her health.

I think this is something a lot of adopters, particularly mums, experience. But it’s something we still aren’t very good at talking about.

Our Beautiful Chaos: the early days of placement

By the time you meet your child for the first time, you’ve been through so much, regardless of whether you decide to adopt after infertility, or if you decided not to have birth children. The assessment process goes through every aspect of your life from your childhood to money, health, and your relationships.

You bundle up all of your hopes and dreams about becoming a parent and hand them over to your social worker, trusting they’ll keep them safe and help them to come true. That’s a big ask.

And then when your child comes home, it can feel like you’re learning to parent in a goldfish bowl. You’re being watched by your child’s foster carers as well as social workers, and healthcare professionals.

Clearly, their role is to make sure everyone is ok, supported and that the match is the right one. But when you’re going through it, it can feel like you’re every move is being watched. And that if you ask for help or admit that things are hard, you’ll risk having your child removed because that will mean you’re admitting you can’t look after them.

However irrational that may seem to everyone else, when you’re going through it, it can feel impossible to ask for help and support. And that’s such an important thing to know about when you’re starting the adoption process.

Rachael doesn’t hold back in sharing how she felt during this time, and how, with hindsight, she knows she didn’t put herself first. I love the analogy she uses about oxygen masks on an airplane. And for me, that’s the most valuable part of this book.

Preparing for adoption

By being so honest about her experience, she helps to prepare anyone thinking about adoption and gives them the tools to be able to put their health and well-being first so that they can provide the parenting plus that is often required in the early days of adoption.

So, if you’re thinking about adoption, or you’re in the early stages of the assessment, this book is definitely a must-read. It will prepare you not just for the assessment part of the process, but how to be realistic about the early days and months of placement so that you can give your child the level of parenting they need without burning yourself out.

You can buy “Our Beautiful Chaos” from Amazon. This is an affiliate link which means if you click on it and buy the book, I get paid a fee.

If you enjoyed reading this article, why not buy me a coffee to help keep the magazine free for everyone to read? If you’d like to read more articles about adoption, parenting health and well-being, and eco-swaps, head over to the home page and have a look at what’s new.

I found the answers to some things by reading adoption agencies’ websites. But that didn’t tell me the nitty gritty. The kinds of things that only someone who’s been through the process knows. There were books about adoption. But they were mainly textbooks about parenting styles and the kinds of issues adopted children often face. Or books about an adoption journey.

Once the dust had settled a bit from our eldest coming home, I decided I wanted to write an adopter’s guide to adoption. Something that would answer a lot of the questions I had at the start of the process. Fast forward five years and another child later, and I’ve finally finished it.

An Adopter’s Guide to Adoption

So, what is An Adopter’s Guide to Adoption? And how will it help anyone starting to think that adoption might be the way that they create their family?

The book starts with a brief outline of the process that determines that a child needs to be adopted. It’s something that’s decided by a court when concerns are raised by social services about the care being given, or likely to be given to a child.

Social services don’t make the decision. They present their evidence which can be challenged by parents. It’s then for the court to decide where a child lives throughout their childhood.

The guide then looks at the types of things you can do before you start the process. The key thing is to make sure you’re ready emotionally. Not everyone adopts because of infertility. But a lot do. Infertility is brutal and emotionally draining. Give yourself time to come to terms with it if you’ve experienced it.

There’s a lot you can do before you start looking for an agency. You can do practical things like preparing your home and finances. Decide on who you’d like to use as referees. If you don’t have childcare experience, look at how you can get some.

Do lots of research about adoption agencies and adoption itself and the issues children who have experienced early life trauma face.

Adoption assessment

The guide then looks at the two stages of the assessment. Stage One includes background checks, medicals, preparation courses, and self-learning.

Stage Two is the home study where your social worker will meet you regularly to talk about your life. They’ll want to know about your childhood, what makes you tick, and what your relationship with your family is like. If you’ve got a partner, what your relationship is like?

All of the information shared in these meetings will go into a report prepared by your social worker.

This section ends by looking at Panel, what it is and what to expect.

The next section looks at matching. This is the process that matches you to a child or sibling group. It’s the part of the process that I found the most difficult.

I couldn’t get my head around how our social worker would know whether a child would fit into our family or we’d fit with them. It was a massive leap of faith for me to trust her to get it right. She did. She got it spot on. There’s quite a lot of our story in this section as I think it helps to illustrate how the process works.

The final section looks at introductions, placement, and beyond. Topics in this section include adoption leave and pay, entitlement to child benefits, post-adoption depression, applying for the order, and a lot more. It provides information mixed with snippets from our story to show how we dealt with certain things.

Buy and review the book

So, if you’re starting to think about adoption, or know someone who is, I hope my guide will answer a lot of your questions. If you’ve already read it, I’d love to know what you think. Does it cover everything it should? If not, what else would you like to know about?

An Adopter’s Guide to Adoption is available to buy in paperback and Kindle formats from Amazon.

There are lots of reviews of different books in the magazine. Head over to the book review section to read them.

The review is written by the wonderful Ali whose Instagram account is utterly brilliant. She shares what it’s like to be an adoptive parent in such an open and honest way, documenting the incredible highs and crushing lows of her experience. If you don’t follow her already, you definitely should.

A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting

If I had a penny for the number of Google searches I’d done for strategies to support a range of behaviours my son exhibits, I’d be a very rich women.

As a mum of two through adoption, I’m always researching and reading. I’d message other parents I’ve got to know on Instagram, asking if their children had experienced similar things. The answer was yes and one of the recommendations was this book.

When I read the “Basics” chapter, I had a lightbulb moment. Was Sarah describing my son? Soon I realised that a lot of children who’ve experienced trauma and neglect, can (not always) have very similar behaviour traits. Obviously, they come in all different shapes and sizes. But all those behaviours were what I couldn’t quite describe, because sometimes I just couldn’t find the words Sarah has.

As the title suggests, it’s an A-Z. It’s something you can read from beginning to end, or dip in and out. You can listen to it as an audio book too. My husband did this as he has severe dyslexia.

I would say the A-Z works better in book form as it’s something I refer to over and over again. I’m the parent of a child with developmental trauma. They can appear completely normal, then, at the flick of a switch they can change. Or things can get subtly worse over time. Because it’s an A-Z, you can quickly flick to a type of behaviour and read why they might be displaying it and what you can do about it.

Learning tool for schools

I sent a link to the school to read and use the book to help them with my son. I don’t think read it to be honest, but it might have saved them on a number of occasions if they had.

It’s important to note that this book doesn’t solve behaviour complexities. What it does do is gives you tools to enhance a therapeutic relationship with your child.

I don’t manage therapeutic parenting all the time. I’m probably 35% there, I’m aiming for 50%. A lot of the changes come from you as a person and a parent. Your child won’t change overnight. In fact if my son did, I’d be seriously concerned that he was putting on a show.

Sarah uses an analogy of our children as car drivers, except no one has taught them how to drive. They’ve tampered with the brakes and stamped on the accelerator to make it speed off. And now everyone is blaming our children for crashing into things, for being too fast, damaging things or hurting people.

She goes on to say that we can teach our children how to use the handbrake and manage the steering. But we need to be right next to them, helping them to cope with their fear.

Sarah is a mum through adoption too. She really gets it. I’d recommend this book to any family, especially those who’ve become a family through adoption. I’d also recommend it as a book for prospective adopters and teaching staff.

You can buy “The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting” from most book shops, including Amazon and Waterstones. This is an affiliate link to Amazon. That means if you click on the link to the book and buy it, I get paid a fee from Amazon.

If you enjoyed reading this article, why not buy me a coffee to show your support for the magazine? If you’d like to read more articles about adoption, head over to the home page and have a look at what’s new.

Other than the first day or two in September, she’s gone into school happily. She seems happy when she comes home. And like most kids of her age, isn’t bothered about sharing much detail of her day. She’s happy to talk about her lunch and who she’s played with, but that’s pretty much it.

There hasn’t been any clue from her that she’s been upset. So we were very shocked when her teacher said she has been upset quite a lot at school. Her teacher thinks it’s just her finding her way amongst her new classmates. And that although she gives the impression that things don’t phase her, they actually do.

There’s a lot going on in our lives at the moment. Her grandma and aunty were both very ill over Christmas. And we’re in the middle of building an extension to the back of our home. So there have been a lot of physical changes as well as worry about loved ones.

It’s therefore understandable that all of this is displaying itself in anger. But understanding the cause doesn’t necessary help us to manage it in the moment. Her anger has been quite severe and can involve hitting and kicking (usually at me) and throwing the contents of whichever room she’s in, around.

“My way to keep anger away”

It’s been having an impact on all of us. But I didn’t realise how much it had affected her big sister until she came to me a couple of weeks ago with a book in her hand. It was “My way to keep anger away” written by Elizabeth Cole. We bought the book a year or so ago when our youngest daughter was going through a similar phase of anger.

We read the book to her, but she was too young to understand it. But now that she’s at school and is starting to learn to read, it seemed like a good idea to introduce it again. Particularly as her big sister had gone to the trouble of hunting it out! She’d obviously remembered us buying the book and reading it to her sister.

The book is beautifully illustrated by Tatyana Kim and it was the pictures that first caught our youngest daughter’s attention. When she gets angry, she pulls some very cross faces. One of the images of Melissa, the little girl in the story, is the absolute double of our daughter when she’s angry. And she spotted that which she thought was funny.

Journey under the sea

The story follows Melissa’s journey under the sea where she meets lots of new friends in the beautiful underwater dreamland. They show her some funny and effective ways to cope with anger and help her to calm down.

The sea animals tell her about breathing deeply, rhymes, exercise, and counting techniques that help them all make their anger go away. There’s a page at the back of the book with five grounding techniques to use.

Our youngest has asked for this book at bedtime every night for the last couple of weeks. Over that time, we’ve seen a gradual improvement in how she manages her anger. To start off with, it escalated so much we were having full on meltdowns every day. But they started to become shorter and less intense.

The biggest improvement has been that she’s recognising now when she starts to get angry. And some of the time, she’s asking for help to do some of the techniques Melissa’s friends told her about in the book. Her favourites are the rhyme and the breathing techniques. It’s quite easy to get her to laugh when we do deep breaths and then see who can make the most noise when we do a big puff out.

“My way to keep anger away” is a lovely book to help young children understand that anger happens to everyone. And that there are things we can do to help us cope with it. It isn’t a miracle fix because there’s no such thing. But we’ve definitely noticed a positive difference in the way our daughter manages her anger since we started reading the book. I’d definitely recommend it to all parents of young children.

Buy the book

You can buy “My way to keep anger away” written by Elizabeth Cole from most bookshops including Amazon. This is an affiliate link. That means if you click on the link to the book and buy it, I get paid a fee from Amazon.

Head over to the book review section to find out about other wonderful books.

I’ve been lucky enough to review a lot of children’s adoption books over the last few years. This article is a roundup of some of those books. Many of the reviews contain affiliate links which means if you click on the book link and then buy it, I get paid a small fee from Waterstones or Amazon.

The Blanket Bears

This is one of our favourite books. It follows two young bears who have no-one to care for them until a social worker bear finds them. It’s a beautiful book that explains adoption to all children.

Holly Marlow

We’ve had the pleasure of reviewing several of Holly’s books. They all look at different aspects of the adoption process and from different perspectives. Click on the book titles to read my reviews: Room in the Nest: A Foster Care Story; So You’ve Adopted a Sibling; Adopting a Little Brother or Sister Delly Duck: Why A Little Chick Couldn’t Stay With His Birth Mother

Eddy Finds a Family

This is another lovely picture story book that helps young children understand some of the aspects of adoption, using beautiful, colourful illustrations.

Mikenda Plant

Mikenda, a Family and Systemic Psychotherapist, has written two wonderful books that explain issues like neglect, big feelings and adoption, in a gentle way to help young children begin to understand what they mean. Click on the book title to read my review. Tippy Moffles Mirror, Billy Moffle’s Straight Lines

Erin and Roderick Discover Families

Families are made up in lots of different ways. This lovely book covers some of the ways, including adoption.

Olly and Lilly: The Search for a New Race Team

My eldest daughter really enjoys reading this book. There’s something about the characters being bikes that caught her attention. Another lovely book that explains why children sometimes have to move placements before their final move.

The Family Fairies

This is one of the first books we read with our daughter. It’s written by Rosemary Lucas and the book has been a great tool for us to use to talk about our children’s life story with them.

Head over to the book review section to read my reviews of other adoption and parenting books.

The Blanket Bears is one of those books. I came across it by chance after reading a post about it on Instagram a few years ago. I’m so glad that I did as it’s such a lovely book that’s become a firm favourite in our home. It’s written by Samuel Langley-Swain and beautifully illustrated by Ashlee Spink and gently explains adoption to young children.

It’s a great tool to use for adopted children as well as birth children to help them understand the process and who some of the adults involved are and what they do.

Explaining adoption

The story centres on two little bears who had no one to take care of them. Tilly, a social worker bear, found them shivering in the woods. She looked after them and took them to Bailey and Niko who are foster care bears. The story then follows the two bears as they settle into their new home. It explores Tilly’s role in finding them a forever family and then describes how they found out about and met their adoptive parents.

The book is a great starting point to introduce the roles of all the people involved in an adopted child’s story. Our eldest was five when we discovered the book, so she knew about her birth family. But when we started to read it, she didn’t understand much the process that brought us together. Blanket Bears is one of the best books I’ve found the help explain the role of social workers and foster carers.

The Blanket Bears: Life story tool

When we read it, we sometimes use the name of our daughter’s social worker instead of Tilly. Our eldest has a strong understanding of who her foster carers are. Her younger sister lived with the same carers for the first few months of her life. And so eldest met them again during introductions with youngest and sometimes uses their names instead of Bailey and Niko when we read the story. I love it when she does because it shows how far she’s come in understanding her history.

The Blanket Bears is a beautiful book to help adopted children understand the process that brought them to their family. But it’s also a great book for young relatives to read too, to help them understand the adoption process. So, I would highly recommend it to adopters and their extended families.

The Blanket Bears is available to buy from Waterstones. This is an affiliate link which means if you click on the link to the book and buy it, I get paid a fee from Waterstones.

Head over to the book review section if you want to find out about more adoption books.