If you’re looking for adoption disruption support, this closed Facebook group is a good place to start.

How many children were you matched with and what were their ages when they came home?

Two girls, aged six and three.

Did you feel you had full disclosure about the issues faced by your children before you went to matching Panel?

On reflection, not at all. We had access to some but now we can see what we were told was minimised or not complete.

Was there a lot of information in the reports you read or did you have to ask a lot of additional questions once you’d read them?

We read the standard reports and attended a child appreciation day etc. We went to meetings with foster carers, social workers, school and doctors armed with six or seven pages of questions.  Now, looking back, we can see vague clues of what was there but nothing was openly laid out. We also felt that all our questions were batted away or explained away.

On reflection, it’s all so clear. For example, self-harm was discussed. We asked questions about it to the adoption medical adviser and social worker. The social worker said there was nothing to worry about and that so many people label LAC children. This turned out not just to be a label, but a really sad reality for the six-year-old.

There was also mention of ‘behaviours’, but the social worker said it was of no concern and that the six-year-old was settled and doing well. We were also told by the school and the social worker that she was only slightly behind at school and was doing well. The reality was that she was probably two years behind and couldn’t sit in a classroom. As we didn’t know about these issues, we selected a village school that couldn’t cope. We had been given no indication that this would be the case.

At what stage did you start to have concerns?

Honestly, I started to have niggling doubts in the weeks before intros. Niggles but nothing I could put my finger on. Then, during intros, there was something that didn’t seem 100% right, BUT intros seemed to be going really well. We seemed to be bonding, and the girls seemed to like us and looked to us to meet their needs straight away. Intros were shortened by one day as things seemed to be going well.

Once the girls moved home, the doubts really set in. We were overwhelmed with the rage, self-harm and other behaviours that appeared from nowhere. We had not seen them during intros, and what was happening hadn’t appeared in the CPR.

To put into context, I previously worked in a pupil referral unit for children who couldn’t access mainstream school due to social and emotional problems. I’d never experienced the behaviours we were seeing in the girls.

The six-year-old also started making accusations against us within a week of being here. This left us feeling very vulnerable. She also attempted to grab a knife when my husband refused her a third biscuit.

We also started to notice the close, loving relationship between the sisters wasn’t as close or loving as we had been led to believe. There was some extreme jealousy.

I kept a log of my concerns, which I started on placement day. After logging 63 major events or concerns in seven days, I couldn’t keep up. We were firefighting. I started these notes on placement day.

The final major concern was raised by the younger girl as she disclosed to us.

Were the concerns consistent with the information you had about your children?

We felt the concerns were all new information.

Did you act on the concerns straight away? If not, when did you seek professional help?

We didn’t raise concerns during intros but as soon as the situation escalated after placement day, we requested support from our agency and the placing LA. Our agency sent a support worker out to us in less than a week. The LA didn’t do anything at all.

At the first LAC review we requested all and any help that was available. I raised that we felt the six-year-old would never settle with us.

Who did you contact? Was the help easy to access? 

Our social worker, our social worker’s manager, our agency support worker, the girl’s social worker, their manager, the IRO. Anyone we thought could help.

What happened once you’d asked for help?

Initially nothing. A vague offer of Theraplay in the future. We were fobbed off by being told we were doing an amazing job.

Once our youngest daughter made a disclosure about the six-year-old, they offered the Theraplay to start sooner. At this time, as the complexity of the situation unfolded, we asked for the six-year-old to be placed with a foster carer. It was just before Christmas, and I couldn’t face the Christmas school break.

At this point, the LA did get a psychotherapist involved because we made a nuisance of ourselves. They blamed us and said it was our inability to cope with two children.

Did the help you received improve things?

No. Once the six-year-old left, our daughter began to open up to us and to blossom. Her night terrors stopped and she would only become distressed around contact with her sister. This opened up a new conversation about the girls being placed together.

Did you realise the placement wasn’t right or was it something that the professionals raised once they were involved?

Once our daughter had disclosed to us what was happening, and on top of everything else that was going on, we knew we couldn’t carry on. There was also a possibility that children in our support network were at risk. I felt strongly that the girls shouldn’t be placed together. I also felt strongly that one home couldn’t adequately meet both girls’ needs safely.

What kinds of things happened to decide the best way forward for everyone?

They held a care planning meeting, conducted a sibling assessment, and then another care planning meeting. We were not allowed to attend or contribute to any of these. To date we still have not been allowed to see the sibling assessment.

We tried to get both girls CORAM voice advocated but the LA refused to allow them to have one. They literally cancelled the meeting.

Did you get any legal advice? If you did, who funded it?

No. We did seek advice from an independent social worker and other professionals.

Who made the decision that disruption was the only way forward?

My husband and I.

What help and support did you all get after that decision was made?

Our agency offered some support. Most importantly, they helped us fight the LA so we could keep our daughter safe and with us.

Did you have any input in how your child was told they were going to move, or did the professionals decide that? How were you told?

The girl’s social worker came to collect her and move her. Her bag had been secretly packed by us, and we were not allowed to mention it. We kept her home from school, and the social worker arrived around 1 pm.

We were not allowed to tell her any truth of why she was moving, ‘i.e. to keep everyone safe’. She was told it was because we were finding it hard to have two children. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Her behaviours were a real challenge but not beyond us. We only asked for her to be moved due to the risk she posed to her sister.

What help and support have you all had since the move?  Was it easy to access?

We have the psychotherapist involved. No support for the disruption per se.

What advice would you give to adopters who are facing disruption or who are having concerns about the placement?

You have to shout as loud as you can to be heard. Be blunt. You also have to look at the big picture. Will struggling on benefit anyone in the long run? We knew it would only cause more damage than good to all involved.

Disruption is where the adoption placement breaks down and a child is placed back into foster care. It can happen early on in a placement. It can happen months or even years after placement. Whenever it happens, it’s obviously an incredibly traumatic experience for everyone.

I’m extremely grateful to the adopter who answered my questions for this article, sharing their family’s experience of partial disruption. The personal details of their experience aren’t what I wanted to share. I wanted to give you an idea of the process. The kinds of things that happen, how and where to get help from and the practicalities of how things worked for them.

It’s crucial that conversations about disruption occur. We need to know that it happens. And we need to call for changes so that help and support are given as soon as it’s asked for, in the form it was promised in the first place. There also needs to be significant improvements in the support provided post-disruption. To adopters and to children.

How many children were you matched with and what were their ages when they came home?

Two siblings both aged under six.

Did you feel you had full disclosure about the issues faced by your children before you went to matching Panel?

We were given a lot of information about the children, about their backgrounds and about their family history.  We read their CPRs which were both very detailed and comprehensively written, and we attended the life appreciation meeting as well as meeting with school and the foster carers.

We asked a lot of questions. From this, we were given lots of different people’s experiences and perspectives of the children. However, what we felt was missing was a realistic, honest and true picture of how the past experiences and trauma of the children impacted on them in the present and how the trauma that they had experienced was displayed.

Whenever we tried to delve into the reality of the behavioural and emotional needs, we felt we were given a response that suggested ‘it’ll all be fine once they’re settled’ and left at that. We felt that the emotional, behavioural and relational impacts of the trauma were glossed over and never discussed in detail or they were minimised and described as ‘minor behavioural issues’.

Was there a lot of information in the reports you read or did you have to ask a lot of additional questions once you’d read them?

As I’ve mentioned above, we were given a lot of information both during meetings and paperwork to read. However, at no stage did any of the social workers involved in the children’s case sit us down and explain explicitly quite how much support the elder child would need to overcome the trauma she had experienced or explain how significant her needs were.

If we had been given a full, honest and realistic picture of what her needs were and how significant the trauma was that she had experienced, we may not have felt equipped to pursue this particular match.  We both had reasons in our own personal histories which meant we may not have chosen to parent a child with such extreme needs and behaviours if we had known about them.

We both felt, when we met with the foster carer, that she had been discouraged about being entirely honest with us about the difficulties the elder child was displaying and the impact it had on her own functioning and that of her younger sibling.

At what stage did you start to have concerns?

Within a couple of months of the children coming home, we had begun to have growing concerns about the elder child’s attachment issues, ability to settle, to accept us as parents, her readiness for a new family, interactions with other children and her sibling, and some extreme behaviours.

It’s not appropriate to go into the details of any specific behaviours, but we saw enough to have serious concerns about the ability of the elder child to settle in a new family and for the placement to remain stable and secure for both children if they remained together.

Were the concerns consistent with the information you had about your children?

In hindsight, it is clear that the elder child’s extreme behaviours and attachment issues were due to her background and the traumatic experiences that she had had, but we had not been told directly and explicitly that she demonstrated such severe behaviours and attachment issues as a result of these.

The way she presented with us was very different than how we had been led to believe she presented with her foster carer. Additionally, the support that had been written into the support plan both did not happen as it should have done, and was insufficient for her needs.

Did you act on the concerns straight away? If not, when did you seek professional help? 

We spoke regularly to the social workers – both ours and the children’s – about our concerns about the children right from the beginning of placement. We were always honest, open and truthful about the challenges that we were facing with them, sharing with them the therapeutic and PACE parenting strategies we had tried, and which ones were effective.  We liaised with school and had nurture groups and emotional literacy support put in place to provide support at school.

Who did you contact? Was the help easy to access? 

Initially we contacted our social workers – ours and the children’s – but they were not forthcoming with support.  It had been written into the support plan at the placement meeting that we would have regular sessions with the adoption support worker who would provide structured direct work for us and the children to help us to attach and bond. However, this direct work did not happen.

We were visited by the adoption support worker but she did not approach the children or us about direct work. She would chat generally about how things were going but not provide the specialist support that we had expected.

We challenged this and pushed for the structured direct work that had been promised, but this resulted in relations becoming strained between us and the social work team when we pointed out that we were not receiving the support that we had been promised.

What happened once you’d asked for help? 

Once we had asked for help, we were visited more frequently by social workers.  This did not improve the situation and wasn’t the specialist support that we had asked for.

The children became very dysregulated following frequent social worker visits which made things more challenging at home and further prevented the children from settling.  We attempted to explain this, stressing that we wanted the best for both children and to help them to settle. But this was seen negatively and portrayed as us not engaging with support.

We asked for support from the Adoption Support Fund for a sensory assessment but we were discouraged from pursuing this as we were told it was a very long process to put in the application (and were later told that we wouldn’t have received help from this fund prior to the adoption order being granted).  We were told that a sensory checklist would be completed by the support worker but this did not happen.

Did the help you received improve things?

No, the more frequent social worker visits did not improve things at home and often caused the children to become more unsettled and dysregulated.

Did you realise the placement wasn’t right or was it something that the professionals raised once they were involved?

It became increasingly apparent to us that the placement was not right. The extreme behaviours continued to worsen and the elder child’s inability to settle began to very negatively impact the younger sibling’s ability to settle with us too.  We had conversations about this with the professionals involved in the case as the placement progressed, expressing our concerns for the wellbeing and happiness of both children.

What kinds of things happened to decide the best way forward for everyone? 

Once we had expressed concerns that the support being provided was not sufficient to meet the children’s needs, a professionals meeting was held.  We were not invited or asked to contribute to this meeting.

The outcome of this meeting was that the Theraplay / structured direct work that we had asked for was to be offered to us (which it should have been at the beginning of placement) and that we should have an adoption buddy to share mutual support.  This was problematic as this was not an area we needed support in and the buddy we were linked with was having serious issues with her children so not able to offer advice on our situation.

In the end, we were not able to access the Theraplay direct work with the children and us because of the COVID-19 pandemic.  Our concerns rose during lockdown as the elder child was at home and our concerns about the sibling relationship grew and grew.

My concerns about the elder child grew significantly as she remained at home during the lockdown period as her behaviour became more and more erratic and concerning. However, when I tried to reach someone to discuss this and to ask if there was any specialist support available, I was told there was none.

When the disruption became the only choice, we had a meeting to discuss the practicalities of it with the children’s social worker and her manager on the day of the move.

Did you get any legal advice? If you did, who funded it?

We accessed legal advice and we funded it.  We were advised to put in the adoption order application while the sibling assessment was being completed as this would mean that the social workers would not be able to remove the younger child from our home without a court order.

Due to the concerning behaviours and interactions that we had seen, we were very worried about him being removed to foster care with his sister and the negative sibling relationship continuing.

Who made the decision that disruption was the only way forward?

This was a mutual decision between ourselves and the social work team.

What help and support did you all get after that decision was made?

We did not receive any help or support following the disruption.  Following the disruption we were sent a letter by the children’s social work manager which was slanderous in tone as it consisted of lies about things we had said or done, and many misinterpretations of our intentions when we had asked for help.

Instead of receiving help and support, we were blamed for causing the situation and not engaging with support, even though we had stressed all along that we needed help and support that would meet the needs of us and the children but we were not given this.

Did you have any input in how your child was told they were going to move or did the professionals decide that? How were your told? 

The way she was told was decided between us and the social workers prior to her being told and it was done in a kind and sensitive manner with us present.

There was a lot of work done around this to minimise distress as much as possible. Bags were packed and placed in the boot of the car prior to her being told and moved so she didn’t have to see them.

How did the move happen? 

The social worker and adoption support workers came to our house and moved her following the conversation about the move.  They told us that they always have two workers to do this so that one can drive the car and one can sit in the back with the child.

What help and support have you all had since the move?  Was it easy to access?

We have not received any help or support since the move.  We have not been offered any advice, counselling or support for us as parents. I have independently contacted a private therapist who specialises in adoption disruption to access support.

We take our boy to contact with his sister once a week.  This is sometime a positive, sometimes a more challenging experience depending on how she is doing at the time.  We support this.

We have continued to have visits from our social work team who are supporting our adoption application with our boy as the sibling assessment supported the children living apart due to the concerns that were raised.

What advice would you give to adopters who are facing disruption or who are having concerns about the placement?

Our experience of our social work team – as you can see – was not always positive and our requests for help and support were not always received well.  It became apparent that the more specialist support that we were hoping for – that we knew our girl needed – was just not available pre-adoption order.

My advice would be to trust your gut. If something doesn’t feel right, ask for help. Talk about it, and be honest and open, even if the help and support doesn’t appear to be available at first.  It may be that disruption is the only option for the child/ren to thrive. It may be that there is another way forward.

If disruption is the only option, try and find support wherever you can because you will need it. Find a therapist, find friends who have been through the same, find a support group (there is a very good one on Facebook) because it is an incredibly hard and often isolating thing to go through and it is not spoken about enough.

Click here to read more articles about adoption disruption.

Clearly disruption is an incredibly difficult time for everyone involved. Adoption can be complex and therefore the reasons why a placement breaks down vary. No two situations will ever be the same therefore there isn’t a “one size fits all” guide to disruption.

This article provides some basic detail around what disruption is and signposts to some places where you can get help and support.

The reasons why children require adoption

We live in a world where those who are struggling often fall through the gaps. The current cost of living crisis means money is tight for everyone. And that includes governments and local authorities.

The reality is that help and support isn’t there in the levels that some people need it.

Sometimes children require adoption because their parents don’t have the skills to be able to safely parent them. That could be due to extreme poverty, lack of understanding of the basic needs of a child, or a whole host of other things.

Drug and alcohol misuse often plays a large part in why some children can’t be safely parented by the birth families.

Violence and abuse are also often factors in birth parents lives that means it isn’t safe for them to have children in their care.

All of these issues have a massive impact on a child, regardless of whether they’ve lived with their birth family. Trauma can begin in utero and the impact of this is often misunderstood. Preventing disruption from happening starts by understanding (as much as is possible) the reasons that led to the court concluding it wasn’t safe for the child to live with their birth family.

The matching process

This is probably the most difficult part of the adoption process for many. Waiting to find the “right” child for your family is incredibly hard. And whilst this part of the process should involve an honest and open exchange of information, sometimes it isn’t that simple.

If there are gaps in the information, ask questions. Why are there gaps? Who can answer the questions? If they can’t be answered, how will that affect you? If you can’t get answers to the questions, you will need to be prepared for there to be a lot of unknowns. Some of those may be things you said you weren’t able to manage. So, you’ll need to assess whether the gaps mean that the match isn’t right for you.

There will always be some missing information, simply because of the nature of adoption. But only you can say whether the gaps are too big and create too much of a risk of you not being able to cope with behaviours or issues. There’s no shame in saying that at all.

Knowing when to say no

The key to making sure a match is a good fit is to get as much information as possible about all of the issues a child is facing. Knowledge is power and if you have a lot of information, you can make a realistic assessment as to whether you feel able to meet the needs of the child you’re reading about.

This can be incredibly hard. There are so many children waiting to be matched (2,030 in England as at October 2023) and adopters often feel like they want to say yes to every child. They’ve done nothing wrong and are in the situation they are because they’ve been let down by the people who were supposed to love and protect them. There are many, many reasons for this. But that is the reality.

Be realistic

So, one of the key things for adopters to bear in mind during matching that will help to avoid disruption further down the line is to be completely realistic about what they can and can’t manage. And understand that there will always be some issues. Adoption is trauma, whatever age a child is.

I struggled with this massively when we were waiting to be matched. It felt like we were picking and choosing which child we wanted based on their level of needs. That felt wrong because we wouldn’t get to choose if we’d had a birth child.

But that’s the thing. You aren’t having a birth child. You are being assessed to look after a child who has experienced some level of early life trauma. And it may be that the full extent of that trauma isn’t yet known. So we have to be open and honest about what we can and can’t deal with.

Adopters aren’t doing anyone, least of all the child, any favours by saying they can cope with something when they know they can’t. Matching usually involves listening to your head more than your heart.

Having a realistic match makes it more likely that the placement will last.

How does adoption disruption happen?

There is no simple answer to this because it will vary for each situation. But there are likely to be two scenarios. The first is where the local authority has concerns about either the child or the adopter’s ability to parent them (or both).

Or, the adopters may have concerns and don’t feel able to manage certain behaviours. It may also be that certain issues come to light which weren’t originally known about that affect the placement. This may be something like a particular behaviour that puts other children in the home at risk.

Whichever way it happens, unless there’s an emergency that means the child needs to be removed immediately, wherever possible, disruption should happen in a planned and careful way.

A plan needs to be made about how, when and where it will happen. Who will be there? How will their belongings be packed up discretely? At what stage are they told and by whom?

A lot of the answers to those questions will depend on the age of the child. If the child is school-aged, a social worker may collect them at the end of the school day and take them to their new carer.

Contact will have to be agreed in the short term, unless something happened that led to the disruption meaning that it’s not safe or appropriate.

Where does the child go?

The child will be placed back in foster care. In an ideal world, this would be with carers who have previously looked after them, if that was safe. But it is likely to be new carers who the child doesn’t know.

Depending on the reasons why the placement has broken down, there may be further assessments of the child and adopters. This will be to work out what the best way forward is for example, would intensive support make the placement work, or is the child being placed with their sibling more important than one of them staying where they are?

If there’s more than one child in the placement, it may be that disruption only happens with one child. That was the situation in the disruption stories shared in the magazine by two adopters.

What to do if you think disruption may happen

The most important thing with all aspects of adoption is open and honest communication. If you’re struggling, contact your social worker or post-adoption support. They can’t help if they don’t know what’s going on.

However, it can sometimes be the case that adopters feel that what they have said is being misinterpreted, or ignored, particularly if it’s felt that certain pieces of information were not disclosed as part of the matching process. That leads to a breakdown in the relationship between them and social services which isn’t conducive to finding a workable solution.

In those circumstances, it may be best to seek the advice of an independent body. Adoption UK is a good place to start if you’d like some independent advice. If you need legal advice, the Citizens Advice Bureau may be able to help you find a solicitor, or contact an adoption specialist such as The Adoption Legal Centre.

There are several Facebook groups for parents who are experiencing or think they may be at the point of disruption. And the #ukadoptioncommunity is a great source of help and support.

This policy document about Disruption of Adoption Placements created by Birmingham Children’s Trust gives a lot of detail about their procedures which might be a useful read if you want to know more about what happens. The procedure won’t be the same for all local authority’s but it will give you an idea of the processes.

Anyone thinking about adoption needs to be aware of all sides of the rollercoaster including how difficult it can be when the right support isn’t in place. I’m grateful to Fiona Wells from Our Patch for letting me publish this extremely raw article written by an adopter who shares her experience of not receiving the right support to parent her three children and the heartbreaking consequences of that.

Ellie’s story

My name is Ellie, and this is my story—a story about a family in crisis, a system that failed to see the bigger picture and the devastating consequences of being unheard and unsupported.

Social work done badly is more harmful than anyone can imagine. It doesn’t just fail to help—it can leave families feeling more broken, more alone, and more overwhelmed than they were before, turning to a system for support only to be judged and let down.

Our experience

My husband and I adopted three siblings, hoping to give them a loving and stable home. However, as the years went on, our family fell into crisis. The strain became unbearable, and eventually, my marriage ended. I became a single parent to three children, each with complex emotional and developmental needs.

I first requested support in 2019. Assessments were completed, but they didn’t lead to meaningful interventions. Then, another crisis hit, and I asked for support again. Over time, the situation continued to escalate. By January 2023, it had reached breaking point. More assessments were carried out, and low-level interventions were offered, but they were not enough. The crisis built again, growing worse.

The Assessments and Findings

 Since 2019, the following assessments were completed for my children and me:

• 2 Post-Adoption Assessments

• 2 Educational Psychologist Assessments (2023)

• 2 Psychological Assessments (2020 and 2023)

• 1 Child and Family Assessment

• 1 Updated Child and Family Assessment (2023)

• 1 Court Report (2023)

These assessments painted a detailed picture of our struggles and other observations:

• There were no notes of harm or poor behaviour attributed to me.

• Observations highlighted the children’s high levels of distress and the significant toll on our family dynamic.

• Emotional outbursts from my children, often physical, presented substantial challenges to our home life.

• The children’s needs were described as substantial and complex, requiring approaches beyond any single framework.

• Reports noted my diligence in maintaining relationships at home, ensuring each child felt equally cared for.

• I completed a significant number of parenting and training courses tailored to my children’s needs, many of which I funded privately.

• Positive observations noted my love, warmth, and attentiveness toward my children.

• Concerns were raised about the lack of external support provided to me.

• The reports identified developmental delays, attachment needs, and delayed emotional development in the children.

• Despite the difficulties, my children trusted in my love and support, openly admitting to their behaviours and showing remorse for their actions.

• My parenting strategies, particularly in teaching emotional regulation, were commended as being well-suited to my children’s unique needs.

However, concerns were raised about the long-term impact of my children’s early adversity and the lack of psychological interventions to address their needs.

A Different Judgment

When I asked for support again, our case was transferred to a different team, and a new social worker was allocated. I asked for respite, low-level therapy for the children to build safety and connection with someone outsider of the family, a crisis meeting with the involvement of my own psychotherapist (who I was paying for privately to consider who I could best support my children’s emotional needs), and wider professionals who knew us as a family.

This was all declined.

Within just eight weeks, the new social worker initiated a child protection conference, claiming that I was causing emotional harm to my children.

The Risks Highlighted and the Realities

Risk:

Ellie is fixated on therapy for her children and not engaging with other interventions.

The Reality:

• The social worker ignored my children’s substantial history of physical, emotional abuse and neglect, and their documented need for therapy.
• They overlooked my completion of nine parenting courses aligned with my children’s needs, all of which I paid for privately.

Recommendations like a Family Group Conference were impractical—my parents are in their 80s, one had recently suffered a heart attack, and I had no other support network.

Risk:

‘Ellie says she cannot cope and is being abused by her children’.

The Reality:

• I was physically attacked by two of my children every day.
• Emotional outbursts lasting hours were a daily occurrence.
• I was working full-time with no support.
• I had to intervene numerous times each day to stop my children from hurting each other.

Risk:

‘Ellie is causing harm by asking for respite and wanting to separate the children’.

The Reality:

• For over four years I asked for support and was met with blame instead of help.
• I lived in fear that one of my children would seriously hurt themselves or their siblings.
• Each incident deepened the children’s emotional wounds, adding unhealed adversity.

Risk:

 ‘The home environment is toxic’.

The Reality:

• It was toxic due to the unhealed trauma of my children.
• It was toxic due to my children’s tricky behaviour and due to their being only one adult to manage and cope with their competing needs.
• Professionals (other than the social worker) acknowledged my efforts and raised concerns about the lack of support I received and the unfair, critical views I faced.

Risk:

‘Ellie is using an authoritarian, consequence-led parenting method’.

The Reality:

• Exhausted, scared, and firefighting every aspect of my life, I had no other options.
• I couldn’t leave the children alone, even for a moment, without risking harm. Sleep was a luxury I was rarely afforded.
• After one child ran away and exhibited aggression daily, their phone was confiscated as a last resort when nothing else worked.
•  

Risk:

‘There are concerns about Ellie’s capacity to change’.

The Reality:

• Over 10 years, I adapted and changed repeatedly, following advice from countless professionals, until I no longer knew which direction to turn.

Risk:

‘Ellie is vocal about her children’s perceived needs, which aren’t witnessed by professionals’.

The Reality:

• The nine assessments completed by six different professionals and input from the seven other professionals at the conference, and the children themselves confirmed the behaviours I described.
• My children admitted to hitting me and expressed shame and remorse afterward.
• I always asked schools to check in with my children after difficult mornings to ensure they felt supported.

Risk:

‘Ellie is alienating the children from their other parent’.

The Reality:

• My children’s other parent left during a family crisis became alcohol-dependent and was physically aggressive with the children, and I was a victim of domestic abuse, as recorded by police.
• Court proceedings, which I funded, resulted in a Child Arrangements Order in my favour. Police records confirmed the domestic abuse.

The Professional’s Views

At the conference, other professionals disagreed with the social worker’s critical views:

• The Independent Reviewing Officer noted the social worker had not reviewed the nine previous assessments or read the case file.
• My efforts to support my children, despite their trauma, were commended.
• The children were observed to be happy at home, their needs were being met through my consistent care.
• Schools praised my positive influence, reflected in how my children presented themselves.
• My active participation in therapeutic parenting sessions and tailored courses was recognized.
• Professionals expressed confidence in my ability to manage with appropriate support.

Concerns for the Future

Despite these acknowledgments, professionals raised serious concerns about the lack of support I received:

• Without intervention, they feared the family’s progress would deteriorate, risking burnout and further crisis.
• The overwhelming burden placed on me was unsustainable.
• Unaddressed sibling conflicts could escalate further.
• My mental health and the children’s well-being were at significant risk.

The Outcome

• No Child Protection Plan.
• No Child in Need Plan.
• No engagement with services.
• An incident left both my child and me injured.
• My children were separated and now no longer live together, for safety.
• I live with one child and miss the other two every minute of every day. The pain, loss and grief have left me broken beyond any pain suffered. If that’s what I feel I hate to think what they feel.
• Our hearts were broken forever.

Complaints were made. None were upheld. My wish was to be strengthened and supported to stay together instead we were crushed and left in pieces.

If you’re in crisis and looking for support, Adoption UK has a free information and support line that will help to signpost you to the right type of support. There are also a number of specialist adoption solicitors who can provide advice in terms of your legal rights if there is a risk of breakdown.

Rock bottom

If you are an adoptive parent reading this article, then you are probably feeling about as bad as you have ever felt in your life. All the dreams you had when you started life with your adopted child (AC), are probably a distant memory and the reality might look something like this

• your AC lying constantly;
• hoarding and stealing food;
• stealing money and your credit cards;
• missing episodes, the police bringing your child home at stupid o’clock in the morning, sometimes in handcuffs;
• you being arrested because of false allegations;
• child-to-parent violence; locking away all knives, lighters, alcohol, any jewellery or valuable items that can be sold for the price of a vape; locks on your bedroom doors to keep you and other kids in the house safe;
• CCTV outside your house and inside the communal areas of the house too;
• pets and other kids being hurt, drug use, grooming, and sexual exploitation etc.

This is not an exhaustive list and do not believe anyone when they tell you this is ‘normal child/teenage behaviour’! It’s not.

Do not believe any social worker (SW) when they tell you that it must be your fault and you just need to do a therapeutic parenting course. It’s not your fault and you can try and do every course under the sun, but for some of our kids, it just won’t work.

Do not believe any SW when they tell you that adoptions do not break down.

They do.

Adoption breakdown

It’s called ‘Breakdown’, and there are hundreds of us out there who have disrupted. Is it easy? No. You may not even be quite at that point yet, or you can’t face the fact that you are even thinking like this. But the fact that you are reading this means that all is not well, and you are most likely desperate.

So, this article is to try to explain the adoption breakdown process, to help you understand what Section 20 (Children Act 1989) (s20) is all about, and to prepare you for what might lie ahead if you decide to go down this road.

We are not solicitors, however, and nothing that is contained in this article should be considered legal advice. Although much of this information will apply to adopters in breakdown crisis throughout the UK, particularly the details regarding the actions of social services, the legislation in question, s20, is relevant to England only.

The devolved nations have slightly different legislation. There are solicitors out there who are familiar
with adoption breakdown and we would always suggest that anyone in this situation should get good legal advice. The information that follows is an attempt by many of us who have unfortunately lived through a s20 experience, to try to help someone else in the same position by telling you what it’s like to go through it, warts and all.

Please note, however, that we said, ‘lived through a s20’, because it is possible to get through it, and
life can be better, in time. Woven through this article is Andrea’s story. It contains the personal journey and reflections of an adopter who is prepared to share what her family experienced so that you can be prepared.

We know that everyone’s situation and story is different, and we know that there is no ‘one-size-fits-all’ for adoption breakdown. But hopefully, what follows will help you.

What is S20 and how do you request it?

S20 refers to a part of the Children Act 1989 which reads as follows:

20 Provision of accommodation for children: general.
(1) Every local authority shall provide accommodation for any child in need within
their area who appears to them to require accommodation as a result of—
(a)there being no person who has parental responsibility for him;
(b)his being lost or having been abandoned; or
(c)the person who has been caring for him being prevented (whether or not
permanently, and for whatever reason) from providing him with suitable
accommodation or care.

It places a duty on a local authority (LA) to accommodate or house a child when or if the parents can no longer care for the child. A child is any young person under the age of 18 years. SWs often use s20 to take children into care if they are worried for their safety. They will persuade a parent that it might be best if the child went to foster care or some other arrangement for a while until things settle down in the family.

They will point out how s20 means that a parent retains full parental responsibility, and a parent can revoke it at any time. SWs have been criticised in the past by the courts for misusing this piece of legislation to take children into care and then not really involving the parent much after the child has left.

It is often used by SWs as a pre-cursor to getting either interim or full care orders. But, if they can get the parent to agree, it’s an easier and quicker way forward for the SW in the first instance. They need the parent to consent because s20 is a voluntary arrangement.

Beyond parental control

Often SWs and LAs do not like it when adoptive parents use this legislation to say that their AC is beyond parental control and they can no longer care for the child. They are therefore requesting that the LA accommodates the child, for everyone’s safety. The LA will refuse and say they don’t have to do this, but actually, legally, they do.

Andrea’s story

S20 is where a child is taken into the care of the LA and the choice has been made by those with parental responsibility (PR). The LA have a duty of care to do this, whatever they might say to the contrary. You can tell the LA through the SW that this is what you feel is the only way forward for your child and the remaining family. Often they will try to put other plans in place and usually tell you they have no placements available.

They will stall and allow you to continue with the situation you’re in with no regard for the safety of your other children, or your own as adults. You have to be extremely strong and thick-skinned to continually tell them that this is your choice.

Sometimes, for older children particularly, they will tell the SW they no longer want to live at home, and this can make things easier as the SW will listen to the child more than the parents. Some parents have also refused to have their AC back in the house after missing episodes so the police will usually get the SW to enact a s20. This can be difficult if they turn up at your doorstep, but you can still refuse to let them in.

Close the curtains, don’t answer the phone. They will also try to get your friends or family to house your
AC. This doesn’t usually last or end well but everyone’s circumstances are different.

Requesting S20

A request for s20 must be in writing. Many adopters get a solicitor to write this letter as it will contain the correct legal language. But if you can’t afford a solicitor then you can do this yourself using this template. You can use, or incorporate any of the wording in the template to make it reflect your situation before you send it to the LA.

What are the complications and what should you do in preparation?

The Local Authority is likely to refuse your request for a s20 initially. They will make it sound like they have the right to do this, but legally they don’t. They will say things like ‘You haven’t met the threshold’. Whilst they usually have internal thresholds to consider, these are not legal thresholds and you need to continually remind them that you have a legal right to request a s20 because you can no longer care for your AC, and they cannot legally refuse. Unfortunately, you have to continue to insist.

Make sure you record notes of conversations with SWs. This can be done in various ways, but you need to reflect your view on each situation. Make notes of all instances of violence or difficulty with your AC. You will need evidence that they are ‘Beyond Parental Control’.

Andrea’s story

Complications will be provided by the LA as described above in that they just do not have the placements available. They may offer you packages of support to help with managing your child at home, but in my experience, they are not equipped to deal with the issues we face on a daily basis.

In preparation, we sought advice from a solicitor well in advance. We spoke to them about what S20 was and made sure we knew all our rights for when the SW told us they couldn’t accommodate our child. We also instructed them to write a letter to the LA so that we had legal support to back what we were saying.

Unfortunately, there will always be use of the term “abandoned” and “emotional harm” by the LA to describe what you are planning to do. Of course, they think little of the emotional harm you and your other children are experiencing every day and the long-term effects of these on everyone.

I feel the backing of legal was key for us. Just speaking to people who deal with this professionally, and make you feel like you’re not the ones going completely mad to be considering the huge decision you’ve come to, is a huge support. They empathise and fully understand. It is so comforting to have this.

Be prepared for a firm “No” from the LA and having to actually set a date and time with where your child will be and that you expect them to collect them and accommodate them. It is the hardest thing in the world to consider, but we felt there was no other choice. We carefully planned where, spoke to those who
would be with our son to make sure we had their support and backing and informed the LA of the arrangements.

These were also outlined in the letter by the solicitors.

What do LA’s do/how do they react?

Andrea’s story

The LA will be cold, and completely lacking in empathy or think of supporting you through this horrendous time. Even our Adoption support family worker turned on us despite having worked with us for over six years and had known the complications we had consistently faced every day. The day after our son was accommodated, we had a call from a duty SW to check on the safety of our daughter as she had heard from the police that we had abandoned our son the previous day.

The only people who could have informed the Police were the LA. We had deliberately gone away for the weekend and this phone call took place in the car on speaker which our daughter heard. We returned home to have a note through the door from social services to check on the welfare of our daughter.

Wouldn’t it have been lovely to have had that level of support when we asked for it because we felt our daughter wasn’t safe living with our son?!

The aftermath was nothing short of torturous. We didn’t receive information about how or where our son was. When we did about a week later, lots of the conversation was around reunification which we were not going to agree to. It was a couple of phone calls over the space of six weeks before we were finally
allowed to meet with him at a children’s centre.

It was the worst time of our lives, and a daughter to navigate through it all too.

A rollercoaster of emotions

Andrea is correct. Asking the LA for a s20 is awful. You will feel terrible, desperate, guilty, incredibly sad, and a whole load of other emotions. You will be grieving, essentially, and the LA will make you feel worse. They will also threaten to put other children in the family on child protection measures because they will say you are causing ‘emotional harm’ to your AC so therefore, there is a risk you are harming any other children you may have.

They will say that they will have you arrested for abandonment. They will threaten your job, especially if you need a DBS. All of this generally comes to nothing but it’s horrendous going through it. It’s all
designed to frighten you and therefore stop you putting your child back into the system and costing the LA money.

They may also say that you will have to be financially assessed for them to charge costs to you for the care of your AC. While some LAs have a policy of trying to re-coup costs, if they do this for an adoptive parent, they should do it for all birth parents whose children are removed from their care. So push
back if they try this, and it will also generally come to nothing.

Many adopters have actually found the police to be quite understanding of the difficulties we face, and they are not interested in arresting a distraught adoptive parent for abandonment. SWs will try to avoid a breakdown. They also don’t care that you are being abused by your child, even if the child is 16 or 17, bigger than you and you have physical injuries.

Some SWs have even encouraged couples to split up, especially if one is more in favour of breakdown than the other. They will literally try to ‘divide and conquer’.

What things to consider before taking steps?

If your AC is young, look ahead and consider whether you could cope when they reach their teens if nothing changes. It doesn’t get better usually; more often than not, it gets worse. You may have been shouting for help for your AC for years by the time you read this article and either it just didn’t come, or what did come didn’t work.

Think about what happens when they turn 18. At this point, children’s services won’t be seen for dust! They will tell you to apply to adult services if you need help. If you have managed to stick it out until their later teen years, again, ask yourself what will happen when they turn 18. Can you keep supporting them beyond that point?

Where will they move to or will you have to continue to house them and live with the situation, possibly into your own later years.

Andrea’s story

Be prepared to be treated like the lowest of the low. Don’t expect it to be any different for you than anyone else, despite being supported by everyone who knows you and what you have tried for your family. To have reached this point, you will have already considered every other avenue on offer. This will be the last resort for yourselves, the child, and other children in the home.

If you know that this is the only way, be strong in knowing that it is the only choice, despite the short-term hell it will bring.

Will it go to court?

Once your AC is accommodated under s20, the LA will decide whether to go to court to get an interim
care order and then a full care order. Under s20, parents retain 100% PR, although you could be forgiven for thinking otherwise as SWs will not want to include you in decision-making or inform you as to your child’s welfare etc.

If an older child tells them that they don’t want to have any more contact with you as the parent, then they will abide by this and you will hear very little. If a full care order is granted, then you will share PR with the LA but they will have 51% so they will make all the decisions.

Sometimes, reunification occurs where your AC will return home. Sometimes this is successful, for a while, but sometimes you just end up back where you started. The LA may try to tell you that they have to move your AC onto a care order because they can’t have them staying on a s20 long-term. This is not necessarily the case anymore as a result of recent case law which broadly determined that children can stay on s20 long-term without the need for a care order, where the placement and care plan are
supported by the children’s parents.

Even if your case goes to court and a full care order is granted, this does not ‘undo’ your adoption. Your AC will legally always be your child and will have inheritance rights etc. You should think about getting legal advice with regard to inheritance as the law is different in the devolved nations of the UK.

Andrea’s story

As we didn’t agree to reunification with our son, things moved to an interim and then a full care order. We had a meeting online for the interim one and had a solicitor present and went to court for the full one. The LA will set a threshold for why the child is going to return to the care system. It can basically blame the parents for not offering what they should have or say the child is beyond parental control.

Throughout the process, which took around a year, the LA continued to cite that it was because of our parenting and emotional harm of our son that he was returning to care. After interviews with a Children’s Guardian and an Independent SW, they saw through this and were on our side. However, in court, the LA legal team still cited it was our fault and we had to sit and listen to this and couldn’t say anything. Tough!

However, we had an amazing Judge who also saw through the lies, and said the threshold should be beyond parental control. He praised us for what we had tried to do. Despite this not changing anything, it was a relief in some ways.

What about fees?

You don’t have to pay a solicitor to help with the s20, but many do. Part of the reason for this is that the solicitors know what they are doing and can guide you and help you to anticipate what is coming down the line for you in terms of LA behaviour. Some have paid a solicitor and the LA have simply ignored the solicitor in the same way they ignore you.

It’s a personal and financial choice that only you can make if you find yourself in this position. Fees for a s20 seem to range between £1200 – £1500 at the time of writing. If the case goes to court, you will receive legal aid and sometimes each parent will need a separate solicitor.

Andrea’s story

We spent £1200 on the initial letter for the solicitor to support us regarding the S20. Other than that, we received everything through Legal Aid.

What happens afterwards?

You will feel rubbish for quite a while. You will also feel guilty because you actually feel relieved and safe in your own home because your AC is not there. Some people get therapy, and some move house and/or job. It will really depend on your circumstances. Your AC will be placed in foster care, residential care or semi-independent living depending on age, what is available, and what is cheapest for the LA.

If or when their placement breaks down because even the professionally trained carers looking after them, 24/7 in some cases, can’t cope, they will be moved on. However, they generally get the therapeutic input that you have been asking about for years which was refused when you requested it.

There will be child-in-care (CIC) or looked-after child (LAC) review meetings scheduled which you are entitled to attend, and your feedback should be requested. The meetings will be chaired by an independent review officer (IRO) who is supposed to make sure that the SWs and the LA are performing their statutory duty towards your child. However, the IROs are employed by the LA so it’s hit and miss whether they actually do what they are supposed to or not.

As your AC gets older, they will be considered ‘care-leavers’ if they are aged between 16 and 17; they have been looked after by children’s services for at least 13 weeks, since the age of 14 (the13 weeks do not need to be all in one go); and they are still being looked after by children’s services. Although there are different categories of care-leavers depending on their circumstances, they will generally get help
with housing, benefits, education and will have a Personal Assistant to help them until they are 25.

Andrea’s story

As an aside…..we are almost 3 years on. Our son is in a therapeutic residential placement with one other child. He receives the constant and demanding all consuming attention he needs which we just could not give him. They have the support of so many services, social workers and funding. All the things we struggled to get. He has what he now needs and deserves.

We see him every fortnight for family time. These hours are like nothing we experienced previously and generally pleasant as we are no longer the ones instilling the instructions of daily routine which he didn’t cope with. We attend six monthly CIC meetings so we can air our concerns and make sure things are going well.

We also attend school meetings and weekly daily reports from his home. We meet with extended family three times a year.

There is a way forward for you …one that allows you and your child to thrive.

Would he like to come home? Yes!

Is it working now in this way? Yes.

If you know you can’t continue, this is the only way. No way the dream of family life, but one where
everyone can actually live again. One last message to take away; you did not cause your child to be like this and the place you find yourself in now is not your fault. Our kids were wired differently by the early years trauma they experienced. No matter how much you love and care for them, sometimes it’s just not enough to help them, and that’s not your fault.

This has been written and compiled by Andrea and Chloe for Our Patch. If you’d like to find out more about Our Patch, connect with Fiona on LinkedIn.

The vast majority of readers find the magazine as a result of a Google search when they’re looking for articles about a particular topic. Over 50% of searches in the last six months have been about adoption disruption.

It’s a topic that doesn’t often feature in adoption training but is one that happens more often than we think. Disruption can happen for a range of reasons, but usually because of inaccurate or incomplete information in reports, lack of support, and assessments that don’t identify all of the issues.

This interview is with an adopter who shares their experience of disruption and the lack of support in the early stages of matching and throughout transitions and beyond. It breaks my heart to read about the lack of support they received and how different things could have been for them all if they had received it.

How many children were you matched with and what were their ages when they came home?

We were matched with a little boy, and he was two-and-a-half years old when he moved in.

Did you feel you had full disclosure about the issues faced by your children before you went to matching Panel?

Before I answer this question, it is important for me to say that the social worker who had been with us since stage 1 left when we were shown the child’s profile. We entered a very important fact-finding portion of the process with a new social worker who didn’t know us at all.

We were left to fill in the matching grid with no support.

Out of six potential families, we were selected to be in the final two at which stage a meeting at home would take place. Six weeks later after many attempts to reach out for any news, our new social worker said she had forgotten to tell us that the child’s social worker, the Family finding social worker, and herself intended to visit us at home in two days!

That was very nerve-wracking for us as we hadn’t even met our new social worker by then and to have three of them at home with very little notice left us feeling very unprepared.

We made last-minute arrangements and took time off work to make the meeting happen. Somehow, after a long two-hour meeting and a few days of waiting, we were told we had been selected as the family who would be considered.

The fact-finding process then began. We felt alone and unsupported during that time as the new social worker was hardly around and didn’t know us. It was hard to discuss anything with her.

The first CPR we were given was very out of date and it took a while for us to receive an updated version, which in itself didn’t give much more information. The birth mother had not had any contact with social services for almost a year so getting any information from her was impossible. The paternity was undetermined, but there were things we knew may always remain unknown.

The medical report was also very out of date and the child’s social worker had not booked his six-monthly medical assessment thinking it was only due once a year. There was a huge delay in getting an up-to-date medical report and an even greater one for us to meet with the medical assessor.

We received other reports from the solicitors, advocates, and foster carer. These did shed some light on what his time with his birth mum may have been like (he was there from birth until eight months old).

Despite all this, and with hindsight perhaps wrongly, we went ahead and a matching panel date was booked. Our new social worker then went off on long-term sick leave. We remained on our own until our original social worker kindly agreed to help us through matching panel and subsequently through introductions and transition. This was a great relief.

Then quite unfortunately, just as we were about to begin the gruelling transitions, our social worker left again so we went through the entire transition process with no social worker.

Was there a lot of information in the reports you read, or did you have to ask a lot of additional questions once you read them?

We weren’t able to discuss a lot with our social worker due to the above.

At what stage did you start to have concerns?

For some background, the little boy had been with his foster carer for 20 months by the time we began the transitions.

Concerns here already, why had he been in foster care this long? He had missed the deadline for the length of time he should have been in foster care by that point.

We started to have some concerns primarily around his extremely close relationship with his foster carer. She and her husband would kiss him on the lips a lot. He was very needy of her.

We were told by his social worker to not worry about this attachment and that it actually put him in good stead to attach with us.

The permission-giving/handing over of the baton from his foster carer to us never really took place. She would often have a go at us for silly things like letting him play with a bubble machine or picking him up during transitions.

On the day of final moving in, she and her husband stayed on their drive, in full view of this little boy, and were absolutely beside themselves, crying and being comforted by us!

None of this sends the right message to this little boy.

These were big concerns but as we had no one to speak to, we soldiered on. Partly out of excitement, we were finally becoming a family.

The first two weeks at home went well. But when the penny dropped for this little boy that he wasn’t going back, things went downhill very quickly.

He would cry and scream a lot, refused any kind of physical comfort, didn’t want to play, and at times didn’t want us to even be in the same room as him. By that point, we were allocated a social worker who would catch up with us by phone until another one would be allocated.

He was finding attaching to us extremely difficult.

We continued to have regular contact with the foster carer and this just made things worse. She would just slip right back into being the primary carer. She even asked us if she could take him for a walk on her own and would follow us to our car and try to put him in our car herself. These contact visits just made it worse and meant we were not able to connect as a family.

We raised this with his social worker and our locum one but were told again and again that this was for the best and communicated to the child that these people were still here and that he hadn’t been abandoned. This little boy would continue to cry, he began to stammer, becoming more withdrawn and would call out for the foster carer. He would ask to go to her house all the time.

We trusted they knew best and trusted the process, thinking it would get better with time.

Were the concerns consistent with the information you had about your children?

No, everything pointed to him being in a good place and therefore in good stead for making a connection with another family.

Did you act on the concerns straight away? If not, when did you seek professional help? 

We did, although with no allocated social worker this was very difficult and often my calls or emails to managers and duty social workers would go unanswered.

What happened once you asked for help? 

We were told to keep going and to give it time. Eventually, we were allocated a psychotherapist/theraplay therapist who would support us.

We had Zoom calls with this person once a week for three months, the plan being that she would help to stabilise things at home before we began theraplay session.

We also started to have more regular social worker visits at home. This didn’t help as it’s really hard to just get on with life when you have social workers there all the time.

Did the help you received improve things?

Over time, we felt the therapy sessions were helping. They gave us a boost of confidence. We were told all the time: it’s not your fault, you are doing great, keep going.

Did you realise the placement wasn’t right or was it something that the professionals raised once they were involved?

6 weeks before the disruption, things took a turn for the worse. The little boy would cry and scream continuously. Bathing, changing nappy, potty, mealtimes, just the basic care tasks became impossible he would scream and scream. Utterly distressed!

We tried everything to keep things calm at home, we used all the tools we were given by the therapist, tried to distract him, change of scenery, etc… everything.

Social services were hoping he would snap out of it at some point. But he didn’t, and every day it just got a little bit worse.

What kinds of things happened to decide the best way forward for everyone?

It was very obvious to us that this little boy was very unhappy. His behaviour communicated this to us loud and clear.

As a last resort, for the last two weeks before the disruption social workers were in our home for half the day every day, hoping to support us but also to observe and hope that this cycle would somehow break.

Did you get any legal advice? If you did, who funded it?

No

Who made the decision that disruption was the only way forward?

A planning meeting was held with both social work teams (ours and his). We all decided that it was not in his best interest to stay with us.

What help and support did you all get after that decision was made?

We received a couple of emails and a phone call from our social worker. I already have therapy sessions in place from when things were hard, but sessions have not been approved for my husband.

Did you have any input in how your child was told they were going to move or did the professionals decide that? How were you told? 

No, he wasn’t really told. We told him that he was going to go visit his foster carer. He went back to where he was before, so he was very happy about this.

How did the move happen? 

I packed all his things whilst my husband took him out for a couple of hours. The husband of his foster carer came to pick him up and we requested that he at least stay in a little lay-by just outside our home as this would be very painful for us. He didn’t and came up to the house.

The little boy was overjoyed and ran into the arms of the foster carer’s husband.

What help and support have you all had since the move?  Was it easy to access?

Very little. We have been sent a form to fill in which we are to return before a meeting they intend to have in January at some point.

What advice would you give to adopters who are facing disruption or who are having concerns about the placement?

Listen to your gut, if you have even the smallest of niggles raise this (if you can). No questions are stupid. Don’t just soldier on and ask for help.

If you’d like to find out more about this subject, head over to the adoption disruption section.

I’m really grateful to Sarah from Adoption Legal Centre for writing this article to give us a bit of insight into the legal side of disruption.

Adoption disruption

At the Adoption Legal Centre we often receive calls from adoptive parents who are in crisis. The majority of the time they are facing child on parent violence on a weekly, if not daily basis. This can be in addition to other challenging behaviours including running away from home, or their child putting themselves in risky situations. When we receive that call we know the parents have exhausted all other options and are turning to us as a last resort.

We reassure those parents that they are not alone in their situation. Adoption disruption/breakdown is something that we are all too familiar with. We receive calls from families who have been trying for months, or even years, to obtain appropriate support to help them with their child’s behaviour. They have been trying to prevent the situation escalating to an adoption disruption. Unfortunately, on some occasions the support isn’t forthcoming, or the child is beyond the parent’s control.

We always make it clear that no blame is ever put on the child from either us or the parents, for their behaviour. We all know that it is a sad reality of the early life trauma the children experienced. Parents often feel that if the local authority had given them the support they needed, they wouldn’t be in this position. They know their child needs help. But they know they can’t carry on and feel they have to ask for their child to be accommodated.

Legal options

If a parent considers that they can no longer continue caring for their child, either temporarily or long term, then we can advise them on their legal options. This includes asking that their child be accommodated into Local Authority care. This is known as Section 20 (s20) under the Children Act 1989.

Requesting that your child lives elsewhere is an extremely difficult decision. Unfortunately some parents have no alternative but to make that request. We are with our clients every step of the process, when they do make that very difficult decision.

Under s20 of the Children Act 1989, children and young people can only be accommodated by the local authority with the consent of those with parental responsibility (PR). The only exception is if the young person is 16 or 17 years old then consent isn’t required.

Retaining PR

Many adoptive parents don’t understand that if they agree to their child being accommodated under s20, they haven’t lost PR. And the local authority hasn’t gained it. Any person who has PR for a child may, at any time, remove the child from accommodation provided by or on behalf of the local authority.

This means if things change once your child is accommodated (for example if promised help is put in place), then you can withdraw your consent. You would simply tell the Local Authority that you were withdrawing your consent for accommodation and the child should return home immediately. The only way a Local Authority could stop the child coming home, is if they were to apply to the court for an order sharing PR with the parents.

It is extremely difficult for parents to make a decision that their child is accommodated. Many parents feel guilt and despair. They never wanted their child to go back into care. They never thought the adoption would breakdown.

The situation can be made worse by a view from social workers that somehow the adoptive parents have failed the child. This can be because the social workers are from the child protection team. Their experience of dealing with children who have been adopted may be minimal. The child’s behaviour must therefore be the parents fault. Our aim is to explain that the situation isn’t anybody’s fault. It is a consequence of early life trauma and the impact this has had on a child’s attachment, behaviour and relationships.

Contact with your child

If a child is accommodated then they should still have contact with their parents. The Local Authority should not stop contact happening unless they have a court order. This will, however, depend on the child’s age and their wishes and feelings. If a child is making it clear that they don’t want to have contact, the Local Authority can’t force them to. They should, however, promote contact between the child and their parents, and encourage the child to attend.

The court’s view on s20 accommodation is that it should be temporary. If it’s clear that a child cannot return to the parent’s care, the Local Authority should take steps to share PR with the parents. They would have to apply for a care order and issue proceedings at court.

Care proceedings

Care proceedings are often given a negative image. However, in some situations they can be a positive for families. It can finally be an opportunity for an independent expert assessment to be undertaken and the appropriate support put in place for the child.

The proceedings have oversight from an independent Judge. That means all parties have to adhere to timeframes given by the court. The child is appointed a Children’s Guardian who represents the child within care proceedings. They are independent of the Local Authority, court and the parents and represent the child based on what is in their best interests.

The Adoption Legal Centre

At the Adoption Legal Centre, we are here to help adoptive parents every step of the way. Whether this be in a request for s20 accommodation, or within care proceedings. We represent adoptive parents all over the country, as distance is never an obstacle for us.

Please contact us for further information, or if you wish to speak to us about your situation.

Head over to the adoption disruption section if you’d like to read more articles about this topic.