This winter has felt like the longest I’ve ever experienced. It felt like the long cold, dark days were going to last forever. Every time I tried to start the week with healthy eating and increasing my exercise, the weather took a turn for the worse. I just wanted to stay in bed and hibernate. The last thing I’ve felt like doing is exercise.

I’m usually the type of person who tries to find the brighter side of things. This winter though, I’ve really struggled. I’ve felt like my get up and go got up and left. Everything has seemed very dark and cold and to get me through that I’ve turned to my usual crutch of food. Every time it felt like the weather was starting to improve, it didn’t and often it got much worse. We live in the North East of England so usually have our fair share of bad weather. It hasn’t seemed as bad as this year though.

When you’re a kid, snow is amazing. I can remember days when our school was closed because of the snow. Back then it was just a big adventure. We had great fun playing out making snowmen without a care in the world. Unfortunately, dealing with snow as an adult isn’t remotely fun if you have to travel to get to work. We live almost at the bottom of a very steep hill. Public transport is at the top of the hill. Our daughter’s nursery is at the bottom of another hill.

The heavy snowfall a few weeks ago tested my coping skills to the limit. Getting to and from work safely was pretty hair raising. On the worst day I ended up having to walk there and back through a blizzard. I was freezing, shattered and reached for comfort food as soon as I got home.

Seasonal affective disorder is something I’ve read about. I’ve never really paid much attention to it and just thought it was a big name for the post Christmas slump most people feel. This year though, I’ve been taking it a lot more seriously. I’ve not been struggling to the extent that I’ve needed to get advice from my GP, but I’ve been experiencing a lot more low moods than I have ever done in the past. I do think that’s been down to the weather. My mood is definitely lighter and brighter when the sun is out.

This page on the NHS website provides a lot of helpful advice and information about SAD. It’s something that will be on my radar next winter so that I can try and avoid feeling so down again.

For now, spring is definitely trying it’s best to push her way through. I’m intending to make the most of the lighter and longer days and the warmer weather to kick start my quest to find a happy, healthy balance.

I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve joined Weight Watchers. If I’m in the right frame of mind, it’s a programme that works for me. I lose weight but the problem has always been keeping it off. About 18 months ago, I joined again and managed to lose quite a lot of weight. I even managed to maintain it over Christmas, and carried on into the new year. I really thought I’d cracked it, but then we started potty training! I’m definitely a comfort and stress eater and the two months or so we battled with potty training, I put all of the weight back on. Despite half hearted attempts since then, I’ve not managed to get back into the zone and my weight has been creeping up and up.

I’ve also struggled to find a form of exercise that I enjoy that I can slot easily into my every day life. A big part of why I could eat more freely when I was younger was the level of exercise I was doing. So I set out trying to find something I enjoyed as much as gymnastics. Several of my friends are avid runners so I thought I’d give it a go. Other than appropriate clothing and footwear, it doesn’t cost anything to do so I thought it was a good way to keep fit. I tried really, really hard to get the “buzz” people talked about experiencing from running. I even signed up for a “fun” 10k run and a half marathon.

Unfortunately, I hated every. Single. Step. It very quickly became a chore and something I dreaded doing. Even on lovely warm days with the sun shining, a run in my favourite park was torture. I persevered and did the half marathon but I don’t think I’ve been out running since.

Swimming is something else I love to do. Unfortunately, it takes up quite a lot of time. If you factor in travel time, getting changed before and after and then the actual swim, you’re talking about an hour and a half. With a 4 year old to keep occupied on my non-working days, I just don’t have that kind of time. And the rare occasions I do have the time, I can think of a million other things I should be doing rather than swimming.

Christmas 2017 unfortunately wasn’t quite the magic and sparkle I had planned. Early December was lovely and little miss experienced some lovely Christmassy things. However, our Christmas plans started to crumble around us on Christmas Eve when my mother-in-law was taken into hospital. She was discharged later that day but still very poorly and was rushed back in on Christmas Day. She ended up being in for over a week. I quickly reverted to comfort eating everything in sight so I’ve started the new year feeling very unfit and unhappy with myself.

Receiving the annual invitation from Weight Watchers to join again got me thinking. Do I really want to continue with the cycle of spending a few months on a diet, and then the rest of the year putting the weight back on? I don’t want to lose weight because of pressure to look a certain way or be a size 10. For me, it’s to do with how I feel about myself. When I’m eating healthily and doing regular exercise, I feel so much better. I have more energy and confidence, and generally feel better in my own skin. I feel in control.

Feeling unhealthy makes me down. I get into a cycle and usually feel that the only way out is to start a diet. As I’ve said, that works for me short term but isn’t sustainable and isn’t how I want to live my life. So, this new year I’m doing things differently. I’m not going to diet. My aim is healthy home cooked meals as much as possible, the odd bit of cake when I fancy it and, probably the most important bit, a lot more exercise.

I’m a mum to a young daughter so it’s not just about me. The example I want to set little Miss is about eating healthily and making exercise a part of her life. I don’t want her to growing up thinking dieting is the norm. She likes to help in the kitchen and she particularly loves to help me bake. I want to encourage that not just because it’s a lovely way for us to spend time together. It’s also a way of educating her about food and teaching her about having a healthy balance. There’s nothing better than a home made cake or cookies and I want her to enjoy that in a healthy way, balanced with nutritious meals.

I’m going to involve little Miss in my quest to find exercise that I enjoy too. I’ve always loved dancing and used to love going to aerobics and Zumba classes. These days though, I find I’m too tired to go out to a class on an evening. So, I’m going to try doing dance DVDs with little Miss at home. She absolutely loves to dance and I know she’ll love to get involved. It means I can do a decent work out a couple of times a week, while spending time with her too. Win win!

To try and keep my motivation levels up with my long term healthy regime, I’m going to write about it here on my blog. So there’ll posts in the coming months about our journey as a family to find a healthy balance. I’d love to hear any tips or ideas that work for you too.