This is a collaborative post
If you’re going through the process of blending your families with your partner’s and they have a child from a previous relationship, then your relationship with that child is vital to the family’s health. You may want to do everything in your power to create a close and healthy bond with them, and to help them feel comfortable and safe in the new family dynamic, but myou ight not know how to go about it. Here, we’re going to look at a few tips to help.
Patience And Presence Are Key
You might want to create a strong and positive bond with your stepchild, but that doesn’t mean you should try to force or rush it. Children may not instantly accept you, especially if they’re grieving their family’s changes or are loyal to a biological parent. Children with complex family histories can have some attachment difficulties. Instead, you should try to be consistently present. Stay supportive, while respectful of their boundaries, and try to avoid replacing anyone. Trust builds slowly through shared routines and small moments, so let it come, and it likely will.
Talk About Roles And Boundaries With Your Partner
There should be no misunderstandings as to how you handle your responsibilities and role as a stepparent. Talk to your partner about how to handle things like household responsibility, chores, affection and shared time, as well as discipline and how boundaries are reinforced. For instance, if the relationship is relatively new, you or your partner may not feel comfortable about you being one to enforce rules on your stepchild, but you should have a united front on how those rules are enforced and by whom.
Considering Your Changing Role
If your role in your stepchild’s life does become key to their sense of family and self, then you might want to explore the options of adoption or legal guardianship. Talking about these options with a family lawyer like Harper Macleod can help you get an understanding of the steps involved. However, the topic should be handled with sensitivity and care, with your partner first. How the conversation goes, if you’re both feeling positive about the possibility, will depend on the age, comfort level, and emotional readiness of the child. You may want to float the idea, at first, for instance, and ask how they might feel about it, before making any decisions. Being fully committed before you bring up the topic is vital, however.
If The Other Parent Is Involved
Your partner may be in a co-parenting relationship with the child’s other parent. If so, then the most important thing you can do is honour your stepchild’s relationship with that other biological parent. Even if that relationship is strained or complex, it’s not your role to weigh in. You can support the child, of course, but don’t speak negatively about their parents or ever encourage them to pick sides.
The best way to handle your changing relationship with a stepchild will differ from person to person. There are different emotional histories and relationship dynamics you have to handle. Hopefully, the tips above will help you navigate that a bit better.
