Written by Gem Mullings
I can still remember the feeling of trapping my arm in a car door as a child.
I remember the excitement of opening a bike and a mini keyboard on Christmas morning.
I remember the embarrassment, anxiety and sadness of being bullied at secondary school after dyeing my hair, with children singing the Fraggle Rock theme song at me for days.
The events themselves happened decades ago, yet I can still recall them vividly.
Why?
Because I remember how they made me feel.
Why feelings matter
Feelings give experiences meaning. They help shape how we see ourselves, others and the world around us. They can influence the choices we make, the risks we take and the stories we carry about who we are.
Yet growing up in the 1980s, I’m not sure anyone ever really explored my feelings with me. At times, they felt muddled, overwhelming and messy. Looking back, I often had to make sense of them on my own.
Perhaps that’s why I grew into an adult who felt things deeply.
Like many people, I’ve experienced panic attacks, comfort eating and periods where worry has made it difficult to switch off. I’ve watched friends, family members and colleagues struggle with their mental health. I’ve seen first-hand the impact emotional distress can have on children, young people and adults alike.
One experience that has never left me involved a young child who had taken an overdose and required urgent medical treatment. Watching a room full of professionals trying desperately to keep that child safe was heartbreaking.
It reinforced something I now believe strongly:
Feelings matter.
Not because they are always comfortable, but because they are always communicating something.
As an Early Childhood Studies graduate, childcare practitioner, lecturer and assessor, I spent years supporting children and families. Yet it wasn’t until I became an adoptive parent that my understanding of feelings was challenged in entirely new ways.
Feelings in adoption
When my daughter came home, I expected big emotions.
What I didn’t expect was the intensity.
The anger.
The anxiety.
The sleepless nights.
The school struggles.
The behaviours that often appeared bigger than the feelings underneath them.
Like many adoptive parents, I immersed myself in therapeutic parenting approaches and attachment-based support. These were invaluable, but there were times when I still felt stuck.
I wasn’t looking for a quick fix.
I was looking for ways to help my daughter understand herself.
To help her make sense of what was happening inside her body and mind.
To help her feel heard.
Helping adopted children to feel heard
Whilst waiting for specialist support, I discovered parent-led approaches that encouraged children to explore and process their emotions. At first, I felt frustrated that the responsibility seemed to return to me as the parent yet again.
But over time, I realised something important.
My role was never to fix my daughter’s feelings.
My role was to hold space for them.
That realisation changed everything.
It led me to create My Story, My Way, a resource designed specifically for adopted children.
I wanted my daughter to physically hold messages that reminded her she was safe, loved and that all feelings were welcome.
Not just the happy ones.
The complicated ones, too.
The confused ones.
The angry ones.
The sad ones.
Because feelings do not become less important simply because we ignore them.
Creative expression
Many adults struggle to identify what they are feeling. We go quiet when we’re overwhelmed. We snap when we’re stressed. We avoid things that make us anxious. We comfort ourselves with food, scrolling or distraction.
Children are no different.
Often, they simply communicate their feelings in different ways.
This is where creative expression became so important in our family.
Not every child can sit down and explain exactly how they feel.
In fact, many adults can’t either.
But children can draw.
They can paint.
They can create.
They can tell stories.
They can show us things they cannot yet put into words.
Some of the most powerful conversations I’ve had with my daughter have happened whilst drawing, painting or creating together.
Creativity creates safety.
It removes pressure.
It allows feelings to emerge naturally.
And when that happens, something remarkable occurs.
Helping children feel understood
Children begin to feel understood.
What started with one resource for one little girl has now grown into Wild Hearts Creative.
Today, our resources support children navigating anxiety, family separation, grief, confidence challenges, school transitions, adoption, hospital stays, friendship difficulties and many of life’s other big moments.
Not because we have all the answers.
But because every child deserves opportunities to express themselves, explore their experiences and feel heard.
The truth is that we cannot protect children from every difficult feeling.
Nor should we.
Sadness, disappointment, fear, frustration and uncertainty are all part of being human.
What we can do is help children understand that feelings are not something to fear.
They are something to notice.
Something to explore.
Something to move through.
And perhaps if we can help children do that, we give them something far more valuable than happiness.
We give them the confidence to trust themselves, whatever life brings.
Because feelings felt in childhood can last a lifetime.
But so can the experience of being understood.
About Wild Hearts Creative
Gem Mullings is the creator of Wild Hearts Creative, which was born from a deep belief that children deserve gentle, meaningful ways to express what is happening inside them, especially when words feel hard to find.
With a degree in Early Childhood Studies and years of experience supporting children and families through childcare, education and family support, she has always been drawn to the emotional world of children and how feelings often show themselves through play, behaviour, movement, creativity and connection long before a child can fully explain them.
As an adoptive parent, she knows how important emotional safety, belonging and creative expression can be for children navigating big feelings, identity and life experiences.
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