ADOPTION AND PARENTING MAGAZINE

Adoption journey: Interview with Laura

Laura's adoption journey. Two children paddling in the sea

The next interview is with Laura who shares her family’s adoption journey which has included giving up her job as a teacher.

Introduce yourself and your family

We are a family of four – Matt, Laura and two little ones; a five-year-old boy and a three-year-old girl who we adopted almost three years ago. 

Tell us a bit about your adoption journey

Our approval process took almost two years. Covid and my sister’s cancer diagnosis meant things took a little longer than usual as we took a six-month pause after Stage One.

Honestly, I didn’t enjoy the process at all. I found it stressful and we unfortunately came across some woefully inadequate social workers which made things very difficult. We also worked with some amazing social workers and despite the difficulties, it isn’t something we would ever change! 

We were approved in July 2021 and matched with the children that September. A little while later and they were home! 

How did matching work?

When we first found out about the children, our eldest was almost two and our little one was just a few months old. We had a a few ‘bump into’ meetings at a soft play and a farm park and we also had weekly FaceTime sessions with their foster carers so they were quite familiar with us by the time introductions properly started. 

What was your biggest source of support during your journey through the assessment and matching?

My mum has been our biggest source of support! Social workers were the opposite of supportive.

What were introductions/transitions like? Do you keep in touch with foster carers now?

Introductions for us lasted less than a week although as mentioned above, the children had met us several times before and were already familiar with us. We spent a few days at the foster carer’s house, then several days at ours.

On about day six, my husband, the kids and their foster carers all came down with Covid. Things were paused for a day whilst social workers decided what to do, in the end, it was decided the children should move in anyway on day seven.

Laura's adoption journey. A large soap bubble in the foreground of the image with smaller ones in the background
Image by Nicky ❤️🌿🐞🌿❤️ from Pixabay

At the time we agreed with this decision, but in hindsight, it would probably have been better to wait as the children were both very unwell (as were we) and they weren’t able to receive comfort from the people they most loved which made the early days especially challenging. 

We have regular contact with foster carers; we text and send pictures all the time. We have moved quite far away now so do not see them so frequently but we plan to stay in touch throughout the children’s childhood. Our eldest child still remembers and has love for them. 

Have you needed post-adoption support since your child came home? If so, did you get the support you needed? Was it timely or were there waiting lists?

 We requested it for our eldest and it was agreed that he would benefit. However, we got fed up with dealing with the social workers and decided to find our own support which we are paying for privately. 

What’s been the hardest part of your journey?

Managing the needs of two very young children, especially in the early days. Nobody could prepare us for going from 0 to two children overnight. This, paired with a traumatised child, trying to build a bond and probably some post-adoption depression thrown in made things at times, feel almost impossible!

My husband also works long hours running his own business and things often felt quite lonely. Seeing how much our eldest child was struggling was also so difficult. However hard we were finding things, we had to keep reminding ourselves that he was just a toddler, despite his young age was already in his third family and didn’t ask for or understand anything that was happening. 

I have also given up my job as a teacher which is a decision I sometimes struggle with, despite knowing it is the best thing for our family. 

The best part?

Watching two amazing little people blossom, make progress and grow into wonderful children. They have an incredible bond and I often refer to them as each other’s soul mate! I am so happy they are growing up together. 

What advice would you give yourself knowing what you do now, if you were just starting your adoption journey?

Try to relax more in the early days, and stop trying to be the perfect therapeutic parent who plans every day to be filled with wonderful experiences. That is exhausting! 

Laura's adoption journey. A paint brushes leaving a trail of different sized heart shapes
Image by Michaela, at home in Germany • Thank you very much for a like from Pixabay

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