Thankfully, there are a lot more books on the market now, written by adopters, sharing their experience of the process. They cover the highs, lows, and everything in between, giving anyone thinking about adopting, an accurate picture of what to expect.

I’ve put together a list of eight books that share what the process is like from adopter and adoptee perspectives, as well as a novel that captures the emotional rollercoaster perfectly.

I was gifted some of the books so I could read and review them, and please note that some of the links to buy the books are affiliate links. That means if you click on the link and then buy the book, I get paid a small fee from Amazon.

Meant to Be by Lisa Faulkner

When Lisa learned that she couldn’t have biological children, her plans and expectations for her life were derailed. But, in the months and years that followed, she discovered that there was more than one way to build a family – and that there is a lot of joy to be found in life’s unexpected detours.

And Then There Were Four by Emma Sutton

And Then There Were Four is an unforgettable, unputdownable rollercoaster through the hilarious highs and pass-the-gin-now-the-tissues lows of infertility, adoption, and parenting.

No Matter What: An Adoptive Family’s Story of Hope, Love and Healing by Sally Donovan

This book tells the uplifting true story of an ordinary couple who build an extraordinary family, describing Sally and Rob Donovan’s journey from a diagnosis of infertility to their decision to adopt two children who suffered abuse in their early lives. Heart-rending, inspiring and hilarious, Sally and Rob’s story offers a rare insight into the world of adoptive parents and just what it takes to bring love to the lives of traumatised children.

The Adoption Paradox: Putting Adoption in Perspective by Jean Kelly Wilder

Adoptee Jean analyses the adoption industry in America from the perspective of a transracial adoptee, and also through the lense of birth mums sharing their experience of being coerced into relinquishing their children.

Whilst the book focuses on the American adoption system, her insight as an adoptee and the message she portrays from her own experience and other adoptees quoted in the book, is one that anyone thinking about adopting in England needs to be aware of.

Honesty and open conversations are key and creating an environment where it’s normal to talk about heritage, birth families and (in an age-appropriate way) the reasons why adoption was felt to be the only option.

Jean not only shares her story and experiences, but those of other adoptees and birth parents which are the two sides of the adoption triangle that are often heard the least. The experiences give a lot of food for thought and insight into how to support adopted children understand their birth history.

One quote she shares from Reverend Keith C. Griffith, MBE, really stuck out to me, which is “Adoption loss is the only trauma in the world where the victims are expected by the whole of society to be grateful.” It shows how far we still have to go, to raise awareness about adoption and the impact it has on everyone involved.

A powerful book and one that all adoptive parents-to-be should read.

How I Met My Son: A Journey Through Adoption by Rosalind Powell

When journalist Rosalind Powell and her husband wanted to start a family, they had no idea of the journey that lay ahead. Encountering fertility issues and gruelling IVF treatment to no avail, but still determined to be parents, they set off on the adoption route. After many false starts and dashed hopes they eventually, and luckily, found their son. A candid, compelling, and inspirational book about what it means to be a parent of a child that isn’t, biologically, your own.

My Adoption Journey 2015-2019 How My Dream Became A Reality, Yours Could Too by Christopher A Gaidhu-Withell

When Chris and his husband were researching adoption, trying to find hints, tips, and general personal experiences on how other same-sex couples had found the process, there was nothing out there. Most of what was out there were the happy elements such as family holidays or days out now that everything has settled. They didn’t show the negativity from the stresses of assessments or the stresses of adjusting to the major changes going on. This is why he decided to write this book, to provide help and advice to those who are going through the same journey that myself and my husband went through.

Me, the Boy, and The Monster: Exploring the psychology of adoption and trauma by Cat McGill

The book is a personal, thoughtful, and touching tribute to a family’s journey through the world of adoption and trauma. McGill has a background in developmental psychology and uses this to great effect; the theory sections of MTBTM are relevant, researched, and related to real-life examples from McGill’s own experience with her adopted son.

The Girl in the Purple Dress by Jo Horsely

Always, always carry hope… This is Jo’s adoption story, which begins with her as a small child being rocked by her mother, who is struggling to hand her over to the adoption agency. Through school and work, heartbreak and marriage, love and loss, Jo discovers more about herself and builds a life that embraces all definitions of the word ‘family’. Her story hasn’t ended, and there’s so much more to come…

The Prep Group by Eloisa Hope

“The Prep Group” is a novel about three hopeful couples who have embarked on the challenging journey of becoming parents through adoption. It follows the couples as they share the highs, lows, and everything in between the adoption assessment process, matching, placement, and beyond.

There are parts of the book that made the hairs on the back of my arms stand up. Becoming a parent via adoption is something you can’t imagine unless you’ve been through it. It’s a journey like no other, and Eloisa has captured that brilliantly. Although the book is fiction, it’s a must-read for anyone thinking about adoption because it captures so accurately the rollercoaster of highs, lows and everything in between when you become an adoptive parent.

Siblings: Emma’s Story by Hilary Coombes

A novel about the complexities of families and how lies can shatter trust.

“Emma has always longed for love and honesty, but her world has been built on betrayal. Her parents lied. Her partner deceived her. The people closest to her turned out to be strangers hiding secrets.”

This is a real page-turner and provokes a lot of thoughts around honesty and the impact lies about birth history can have on children (and adults) when the truth finally comes out. It’s a brilliant story that raises a lot of issues that adopters should be mindful of.

What Makes a Mum? by NFM

This book had me in tears, nodding along in agreement and gave me goosebumps. A memoir that raises a lot of important issues that are too often swept under the carpet. NFM shares an honest account of her rollercoaster ride from being in the care system, to becoming mum via adoption.

Head to the book review section to read my full review of the book. It’s definitely a page-turner and a book all adopters-to-be should read.

If you enjoyed reading this article, why not buy me a coffee to help keep the magazine free for everyone to read? If you’d like to read more articles about adoption, health and wellbeing, and parenting, head over to the homepage and have a look at what’s new.

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In this article, @forever_macfamily shares how they tackled the letter and how they were able to make it so much more than just a list of things the child was doing.

The Settling in letter

It’s the first piece of written correspondence most of us are going to have with birth family. It’s natural to feel a bit overwhelmed about putting pen to paper.  It is, however, incredibly important to start as you mean to go on and it’s even more important for our children that we, as the adopters, take the lead in making these letters meaningful. 

Regardless of the situation that has brought our little ones to us and how that might make us feel about their birth families, we owe it to our children to be respectful and considered.

When writing our settling-in letter I took the lead over my husband as I wanted to write it mother-to-mother. Our birth mother didn’t want to meet us during introductions, so I wrote to her initially then; I wanted her to know that her daughter was going to be loved and was so incredibly wanted. But I also attempted to anticipate some of the questions our daughter might ask us when she’s older. 

We asked about her pregnancy, her childhood, favourite tastes, toys – that sort of thing so that we could provide those answers if our daughter came home from school one day asking what her birth mother craved during pregnancy.  Luckily, with the assistance of her worker, we got a response. That meant I could personalise our settling-in letter more easily and observe some of those connections. 

Sharing lots of detail

It was also very important to me that the letter was more than a perfunctory paragraph stating how long she’d been home, that she was feeding and sleeping well and liked to watch TV.  That’s just simply not enough. 

I wrote about all of the trips we’d been on, how much she was developing, about meeting her extended family, and how our daughter reacted to each of these things.  I made sure it was full of emotion and reassurance of how completely besotted we are with her and how incredibly lucky we feel to get to raise her. 

Of course, I spoke about what she was eating and playing with, and because of our earlier exchange, I could relate elements of that back to the birth mother and take the opportunity to ask further questions.  I described our house and her bedroom; spoke about the classes we enjoyed going to and gave a full report on her personality and how she was developing and meeting milestones. 

After I’d written our letter, my husband proofread it and added what he wanted to put in, so that we had both contributed.  I made sure I had no distractions for the period it took me to write it as I wanted to put what was in my heart down on paper. 

A journal of our daughter’s life

I think it’s important to remember that all of these letters are stored in our children’s files. When the time comes for our daughter to read hers, I want her to know that we love her enough to make every effort with letterbox contact.  Moreover, these letters will be like a journal for her to refer back to when she’s older, so she can see what she was up to over the years. 

If it helps to approach these letters like that, then it’s worth considering.  I am storing copies of the letters we write for her. Not everybody finds writing easy. Some might find it challenging to articulate their emotions – try dictating the letter and using an app to transcribe it for you. You can always edit it afterward or ask your social worker to help. Our daughter’s worker proofread our letter for me before I submitted it as I wanted to ensure it was phrased appropriately. 

Adoption is complex

It isn’t easy to make these connections. Adoption is hard and complex. For every happy emotion we have, there’s a moment of sadness for what our children have experienced and lost and perhaps for our own experiences and losses that have brought us together. For us, it was infertility and although we always felt we would complete our family through adoption, there’s not a day that I don’t wish I had given birth to our daughter. 

It would be too easy to demonise the birth family and resent them or feel anger towards them. But it’s not helpful to harbour those emotions.  I try to focus on the privilege of raising our little girl and how incredibly lucky we are to have found each other.  With that comes a realisation that if it hadn’t been for all that we lost, we might not be here now, together.

In that context, spending an hour or two once a year, to write a heartfelt letter to the person who gave birth to our little girl, really is the least we can do.  If we receive a response, then I’ll be glad, particularly for our daughter. But if we don’t then we know we’ve performed our part in the adoption triangle and put our daughter first. 

If you enjoyed reading this article, why not buy me a coffee to help keep the magazine free for everyone to read? If you’d like to read more articles about adoption, health and well-being, and parenting, head over to the home page and have a look at what’s new.

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To help us all find the support we need, I’m going to publish some articles which highlight resources available for some of the issues children who’ve experienced early life trauma sometimes experience. The first of these articles is written by the brilliant Ali who is the mum behind @thefizzykids Ali’s created some great resources which she shares on her website and via her Podcast and newsletter.

In this article, she shares the journey her family have been on which has resulted in them learning a new parenting language to support their children. Ali’s writing a book about their experience. You’ll find details of where to buy some of the chapters in the article.

Change your language, and you change your thoughts (Karl Albrecht)

Like many people who have been through a tough time, there was something compelling about taking pen to paper and starting to write it all down. Way back in time (like, January 2020….well that feels like way back in time with everything that has happened doesn’t it?!), I started writing a book called ‘Don’t Calm Down’ to try and bring together my family’s story and everything we’d learnt about living with and loving traumatised kids with learning difficulties.

It started messily – just a download of feelings and incidents pouring out onto the page.  There wasn’t much about why we adopted, or the adoption process or those first magical moments we captured on camera and in our hearts. If I’m honest, it was all about the years after that which appeared quite unexpectedly; the years of some really dark days as we started to grasp the full reality of helping our children through their trauma and beginning to understand and accept the challenges our children would face in everyday life because of their special needs.

It was raw, it was honest, but that made it incredibly cathartic.  Within eight weeks I’d written 40,000 words.  When I stopped to re-read it I was a little shocked. How could I have not thought that we would have to deal with some of this stuff?

We’d spent a year being grilled by social workers in order to be ‘deemed fit’ as adopters; we’d been on all those courses that show you photos of kid’s brains who have been traumatised; we’d read all the books; we’d connected with other adopters.  And yet somehow, all of that got lost in the first few busy years of life with babies and toddlers when you’re focused on the next feed and nap.

And of course, when they were tiny, they couldn’t talk back! They couldn’t tell us how they were really feeling!  They were probably in ‘freeze’ mode that the experts talk about – frozen in time at the point of going into foster care or adoption and simply hiding those enormous experiences and emotions that go with them.

A new parenting language

During those difficult years, we went on an amazing journey that crafted a new set of parenting skills as we re-learned to be the parents our kids needed us to be.  Our breakthrough moment came as we realised we needed to learn a new parenting language. One that spoke to the trauma, the anger, the grief; not one that shamed or judged or shouted.

And so I refined the book to focus not on the bad days, but on what we’d learnt as a result of the bad days. I did this in the hope it may help just one other person or family to have one better day in the midst of chaos, meltdowns, traumatic outpourings or self-esteem issues.

Like many optimistic writers, I would love to see the full book published someday! Until then, I have turned it into chapters that will help parents of kids with higher emotional or special needs, understand why a new parenting language and approach may be effective. There are also specific chapters on How to Talk to the Angry Child and How to Talk to the Anxious Child.

All chapters can be downloaded on our website: Book – Fizzy Kids and the Introduction is free. I hope to add more chapters over time on language to prevent shaming a child and how to talk to a rude and hyperactive child.

Changing our language really did change the way we viewed our kids’ big feelings and resulting big behaviours and also helped us stay regulated in the face of those very fizzy moments.

You can read more about Ali’s journey in this interview and in this article about The Fizzy Kids Podcast.

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Thankfully, lockdown is a distant memory and hopefully something we’ll never have to repeat. However, finding activities and games that help us connect as a family is always on my radar so, I thought it was a good time to re-share our review of Beacon Family Services resource packs as the games are a lovely, simple way of reconnecting and having fun together. 

My girls are ten and six now and we still use the cards a lot. Our youngest has started to get the “Simon Says” card out when she wants to play with someone. She hasn’t quite grasped the concept of the game yet, but she loves getting us all to do what Simon says.

Living in uncertain times

The past 12 months have been extremely difficult for a lot of us. Uncertainty about the future. Fear of loved ones becoming seriously ill with the virus. Worries about money and jobs. Wondering whether life will ever get back to any kind of normality. All these things have taken up a lot of space in our minds.

Lockdown has meant that we’ve been spending a lot more time at home. Under normal circumstances, extra family time is something we cherish. But lockdown hasn’t been normal. It’s been far, far from it.

I think my family’s experience of the last 12 months is probably quite common. We’ve enjoyed a lot of the extra time we’ve had together. But there have been some really difficult times. Our eldest daughter has struggled to understand why she can’t go out and play with her friends. Or hug her cousins, or her gran and grandma. She’s seven and doesn’t understand what the virus is. For her, it’s something that stopped her from feeling safe and being able to do lots of the things she enjoys.

There’s been so much for her to process. She’s often struggled to do this, which manifests itself in her getting angry. This has, at times, meant we’ve been feeling disconnected as a family. She’s usually very open and talks to me what’s bothering her, but we’re living in unprecedented times and she’s often not been able to articulate how she’s feeling. I’d been looking for some resources to use to try injecting a bit of fun and laughter into our days which would also help both our girls feel safe and secure.

Games to help you connect

I was delighted when I was asked if we’d like to try out the “Games to help you connect” resources which have been developed by Beacon Family Services, as they seemed to fit the bill in terms of what I was looking for.

The resources are a poster and cards which have been designed with the work of Dr Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory and Theraplay-based games and activities in mind. The idea is to use playful activities to help children and their families identify the relationship between how they’re feeling and their behaviours.

The poster helps to explore feelings and identify when you’re feeling ok, and when you’re not. The cards have different games on each one, with an explanation on the back of how to play the game and what the benefits are.

Dealing with big feelings

I’ve been doing some work with our eldest to help her better understand the connection with how she’s feeling and how that sometimes makes her behave. I understand that her feelings about lockdown and the virus are often causing her to be angry, but she doesn’t. That scared her and sometimes caused her to become withdrawn and disconnected from us. The book I’d been using was good, but it didn’t really engage her for long.

I decided to try the cards out one evening when I could see eldest was starting to become dysregulated when she’d been asking when she’d be able to see her cousins and give them a hug. It manifested itself in anger and being mean towards her little sister. To start off with, I suggested they play Row the Boat together. The card suggests it’s a good game to do when your child’s struggling so it seemed a good choice in the circumstances. It’s a game I’ve played often with both of them, but they haven’t really played it together.

Within a couple of minutes, the anger between them had disappeared and they were in fits of laughter as they pulled faces at each other singing the song. As that had gone down well, I decided to try another game.

Simon Said

I read the names of the games out and our eldest picked Simon Said. This game is designed to help a child feel safe.

It’s not a game we’ve played before, (I’m not entirely sure why because I used to love it when I was a kid) and I was a little bit nervous because our eldest can be quite hard on herself if she gets things wrong. I was concerned about how she’d respond if she moved without me saying “Simon Said”, given she’d been on the brink of a meltdown a few minutes earlier. The four of us played the game together, with our youngest (she’s almost three) joining in by copying what her sister did.

I was completely amazed at our eldest’s response to this game. We spent a good half hour playing it which is unheard of as one or other of the kids usually gets fed up with a game well before then. There were no tears from her when she got it wrong, just lots and lots of laughter. When she decided she’d had enough of playing it, she’d completely calmed down and was back to her usual happy, laid-back self. The two of them played beautifully together after that until bedtime.

I’ve tried Simon Said a few times since when things are starting to deteriorate with eldest’s behaviour. It’s worked every time to diffuse the situation and has brought her out of her anger and into laughter.

Different games to play

We haven’t tried all of the games yet, but we will over the course of the next few weeks. I’m particularly looking forward to “Count the Crunch” because it involves biscuits! I’ve been really pleased with the results we’ve had so far from using the cards. The games are simple and things we can all do together. They’ve been great tools to use to get us to connect. I think sometimes we miss the simple things when we’re trying to come up with activities. And because most of the games are ones we know, we can do them anytime, even if we don’t have the cards with us.

The poster is also a great tool to use to explore how you and your child are feeling. Letting our children know it’s ok to feel however they are, is so important. It helps them know different feelings are natural and ok.

Managing change

Last week was challenging because our eldest went back to school full-time. She’s been in three days a week since Christmas because I’m a key worker. But she’s been in a different classroom to her usual one, with a different teacher and only one of her friends. Although she’s missed seeing her friends massively, she’s enjoyed being in a smaller group. So, she was very nervous about going back into the bigger class, even though she knew all of the kids.

We used the poster the day before she went back to look at different types of feelings. We talked about how going back to school was making her feel. We’ve done this many times before, but I think having the poster as a visual tool really helped. It seemed to help her understand her feelings better. She liked talking about how the boat was bobbing up and down on the sea.  She said thought that was how she was feeling because she was happy one minute and then worried the next about going back to school.

Games to help you connect: Beacon Family Services

Beacon Family Services is a not-for-profit agency which provides high-quality therapeutic family support. Their focus is providing therapy through fun and play which helps children to build positive and playful connections with their parents and carers. This type of support is particularly beneficial for adopted children following placement with their new family. It’s also great for children who suffer from separation anxiety.

You can read more about the benefits of Theraplay on Beacon Family Service’s website. The site provides a wealth of information and support for new families to develop their relationship, or for established families to repair or rebuild it if things have gone off track. Their services can still be accessed during the pandemic as they’ve moved online. So, if you feel your family needs some help to get back on track, or advice about how to develop your bond and relationship if you’re child has recently come home, it’s a great place to start.

You can also read about Theraplay from a parent’s perspective in this article written by @mollymamaadopt.

We were kindly gifted a set of the “Games to help you connect” cards and the “How are you feeling” poster so that I could write this article. You can buy them from Beacon Family Service’s shop here. £2 from every pack sold goes directly to Adoption UK to support their work.

Playing games have so many benefits for children. If you’re looking for some more inspiration for simple and easy games not just to connect, but to help your child to learn and develop, check out these ideas from We Made This Life.

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To address this concerning statistic, voluntary adoption agencies VAAs) across the UK have joined forces to find more adoptive parents for children with additional needs who are waiting for a family, and provide them with comprehensive information about the process involves.

ARC Adoption North East is among 21 VAAs from all over the UK who have together created a guide for people considering adoption containing helpful information and advice from parents who have already adopted children with additional needs.

Talking about the experiences of adopters who have adopted children with additional needs, Terry Fitzpatrick OBE, Director at ARC Adoption North East said:

“It may sound daunting for people thinking about adoption to consider a child with additional needs but our adoptive parents who have done so say it is incredibly rewarding. It gives a child the chance to flourish and to grow up with the love and security that every child deserves.

“All children can have additional needs at times. These could be to do with their development, learning, communication, behaviour or emotional wellbeing. There are also children with physical disabilities.

“Many of the thousands of children waiting in care who have additional needs, wait nearly a year longer than other children. We want to change that.

“We are excited to be part of this project sharing first hand, heartfelt experience and advice from families who have already done this incredible thing of adopting a child with additional needs.”

Raising awareness about adopting children with additional needs

ARC Adoption North East recently launched a regional appeal for an adoptive family for two sisters, one of whom has additional needs including a form of cerebral palsy and epilepsy. The agency is urging people to come forward who may be able to offer the stability, care and attention that both children need after a difficult start in life, and almost two years spent in foster care.

It is hoped that the advice guide, will give people who have seen the appeal, or are thinking about adoption generally, an additional insight into adopting a child with additional needs.

Sharing experiences

Parents, Kevin and Deb, went through the adoption process for a second time after Deb met a little girl by chance at an adoption activity day where she was volunteering. They had this to say about adopting a child with additional needs:

“We learnt about her cerebral palsy straight away and started to research the implications. A lot of information was given to us from the Social Work team and were supported well by ARC Adoption to consider the implications for us. We decided that, to be honest, why would we not want to adopt this bundle of joy with such a spirit for life!

“Since adopting again, the best things for us have been having a little girl grow in our family and be the best she can be. Seeing her incredible progress, constantly achieving more than people thought she would. Looking at her character and not her disability. We would 100% recommend adopting a child with additional needs – the rewards and pride are a million-fold more than health appointments and worries.”

Voluntary Adoption Agencies

VAAs are specialists in finding families for children who wait the longest in care. They work in partnership with regional adoption agencies and local authorities to find families for children waiting for a permanent home.

VAAs are independent, not-for-profit organisations who have intensive services to provide families with vital support both when the children are placed and into the future.

Satwinder Sandhu, Chief Executive of the Consortium of Voluntary Adoption Agencies (CVAA) which represents VAAs across the country said:

“We are so grateful to the adoptive parents who have contributed to this new CVAA advice guide to share their personal experiences of the reality of adopting a child with additional needs.

“What is clear from their advice is that there may be challenges but they are far outweighed by pride, joy and love. And so prospective adopters should not rule themselves out of being able to achieve the same in their own families.

“The voluntary adoption sector are specialists in finding families for children who wait the longest to be adopted and being there for them with bespoke, lifelong packages of support.”

Guidance about adopting children with additional needs

The guidance created by the CVAA about adopting children with additional needs provides information about what additional needs can mean. It also shares some of the rewards and challenges of parenting a children with a range of needs from adopters who are doing it every day and wouldn’t change it for anything.

About ARC Adoption North East

ARC Adoption North East is an independent not for profit Voluntary Adoption Agency located in Sunderland in the North East of England.  They use their extensive knowledge and skills to recruit, train and guide potential adopters through the adoption approval process, in order to provide permanent loving homes to looked-after children.

They also operate an experienced, multi-disciplinary team who deliver a wide range of services aimed at supporting adopted children and their families. This has contributed to them being one of the most successful agencies in the North East region for recruiting families and placing children.

Registered and rated Outstanding by Ofsted in 2017 and 2022, ARC works in partnership with Local Authorities and Regional Adoption Agencies to help them deliver high quality services to some of the most vulnerable children in their care.

Through memberships of The Northern Consortium of Adoption Agencies; Coram BAAF Adoption and Fostering Academy; the Consortium of Voluntary Adoption Agencies (CVAA); New Family Social and Adoption UK, ARC makes a major contribution to the adoption process nationally.

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Recently when I introduced myself like this, a child in a training room visibly shuddered. That is a very rare response and absolutely not what we want. But it’s also true that children will have different responses to the word therapy, especially those with any experience of the care system.

I’m also a parent, not a foster or adoptive parent yet, but I’ve been a single parent and one navigating the diagnosis and support systems for my child. I’ve got over 17 years of experience with children as a teacher, a family support worker, and a therapist amongst other roles.

All of this means I know that parenting isn’t for the faint-hearted and how important it is to get the right people around you. Just one area needing support can impact your whole life.

Therapy choices for your child

In this blog, I’m going to share a (very brief!) guide to different therapies you may be offered for your child.

But first things first. If your child needs to see a therapist, that doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent. Fact.

Second. You do have a choice of therapies and therapists, even if your agency only has one working with them.

It’s important you know what is available and that sometimes children need a particular mode of therapy or therapist. Relationships take time to build, and that’s even more important in therapy.

Mollymamaadopt wrote a beautiful article recently for We Made a Wish about Theraplay, which is a form of therapy I offer. I won’t expand as that was such a helpful article but basically, children and their adults are there in the same room for the therapy.

Molly’s article highlighted that the Adoption Support Fund recognises Theraplay, as well as Play Therapy and Child-Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT), so I thought I’d give a professional insight into those for you.

I’m based in Wales where, as you might know, there is no Adoption Support Fund. But that doesn’t mean social services can’t fund this support. It may also be that your foster or adoption agency has a Practitioner who can deliver CPRT as well. If not, I’m running online courses for people all across the UK, and beyond.

Play Therapy and CPRT

In a nutshell, Play Therapy is a medium to long-term intervention that provides a 1:1 space for a child to process their emotions through play. This is really important for children who may have experienced pre-verbal trauma, as many in the care system sadly have.

You will have regular reviews with the therapist, but parents are rarely in the play therapy sessions. That confidentiality can be hard, especially when this child is new to you. I’ve worked with children for as little as three months to two years and a lot of the recommended number of sessions depends on the child’s and family’s complexity of need.

Some schools may have access to their own Play Therapists, and others contract them like with my company Voyage of Hope Therapy Services.

Child-Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT) is a 10-week group program. Up to six families can attend and you choose one child you’ll run special play sessions with. This child won’t come to the sessions (though video recordings might) and you don’t start the play sessions until you are ready and have quizzed us multiple times!

Child-centred play therapy

This play follows the principles of child-centred play therapy which allows children space to express what they need, alongside you. Sometimes this expression of need is through play and previous CPRT participants have shared how helpful it has been to have a play therapist give a new perspective each week.

The whole idea of this is building on the relationship that you already have and it’s an evidence-based approach for foster and adoptive parents. It also gives you the chance to spend time with other parents and carers that are looking to support their children through learning play therapy skills.

What does being evidence-based mean? It means that multiple foster and adoptive parents have had amazing results: seeing their children move from not wanting to spend time with them to creating enjoyable memories is just one example. 

If you’d like some further information, have a look at my blog covering the three things you need to know about CPRT.

Have you been offered CPRT?

Do you think your child would prefer getting to work with you than with a relative stranger?

Get in touch to see how I can help.

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What’s been the hardest part of your adoption journey?

Waiting. Waiting for a match; waiting for social workers to complete paperwork; waiting for social workers to send life story books; waiting for an adoption order; waiting for social workers to complete tasks they’ve promised were done already but never materialise. Our experience with local authorities has confirmed that Coram was the right choice for us as they’ve been able to step in and provide support

It was also very hard to witness the grief our youngest experienced at leaving friends and foster carer. We were expecting it and had prepared ourselves with lots of reading and learning. But it’s still heart breaking to watch your child so upset.

The best parts?

There are so many amazing things about having these two beautiful souls in our family. Regularly being woken up with Lego balanced on my nose to the words ‘Mummy look what I made’. Little notes and paper aeroplanes found around the house with declarations of love for Mummy and Daddy.

Morning huggies. Us all being dragged to look out of the window at the ‘pinky sky’ every time there’s a pretty sunrise or sunset. Friday film and pizza nights. Our youngest copying the words I tell them every night and telling my Nana she is ‘surrounded by love’ after my Grandpa died.

Witnessing the pride they have in their achievements. Hearing giggles of delight from upstairs when they are playing together. Deep philosophical discussions with our eldest. Dancing and singing with our youngest.

What advice would you give yourself knowing what you do now, if you were just starting your adoption journey?

Slow down!

Don’t take anything the kids say personally. None of it is really about you.

Stop caring what other people think about your parenting.

Keep being reflective but don’t overthink absolutely everything. There isn’t always a deeper meaning.

Tell us about your business and what inspired you to set it up

I used to be a teacher and then trained as a forest school leader. Since then, I’ve learned more and more about the impact of being outdoors on our mental health and wellbeing.

Before adopting the second time, I was running intervention and nurture groups for children outdoors following the forest school ethos, but adding extra wellbeing and connection activities. The change in many of the children’s behaviours was startling. The relationships the children built with each other were more robust. We had the time and space to listen to each other and they had a lot more freedom of expression.

Children who joined the group very reluctant to speak or share any of their work, were able to lead games and storytelling sessions by the time I left. Those in the intervention group were recognisably calmer and more able to regulate themselves outside.

I decided I wanted to learn more about this and how to improve my practice. I started a course with The Therapeutic Forest and began to follow the research of Professor Miles Richardson on Nature Connection. He said “Our latest research has revealed there is a need to go beyond activities that simply engage people with nature through knowledge and identification, to pathways that develop a more meaningful and emotional relationship with nature.”

This led me to training as a nature guide and learning about Natural Mindfulness with Ian Banyard. Throughout my learning, I’ve truly experienced the nurturing effect of spending time in nature. But, more importantly, connecting with it more deeply by accessing the ‘Five pathways ‘ formulated by Professor Richardson.

Five Pathways

Through his research and work with the Wildlife Trust, he found these pathways to nature connection have the greatest outcomes in terms of improvement in wellbeing.

Contact

The act of engaging with nature through the senses for pleasure e.g. listening to birdsong, smelling wild flowers, watching the sunset.

Beauty

Engagement with the aesthetic qualities of nature, e.g. appreciating natural scenery or engaging with nature through the arts.

Meaning

Using nature or natural symbolism (e.g. language and metaphors) to represent an idea, thinking about the meaning of nature and signs of nature, e.g. the first swallow of summer.

Emotion

An emotional bond with, and love for nature e.g. talking about, and reflecting on your feelings about nature.

Compassion

Extending the self to include nature, leading to a moral and ethical concern for nature e.g. making ethical product choices, being concerned with animal welfare. (findingnature)

Nature Connection

During the pandemic, it became clear to me that adults, and particularly parents, were just as much in need of experiencing these pathways as children. In fact, if the parents experienced them and felt the benefits, they were more likely to encourage their children to connect with nature in this way.

We all know we’re better parents if we look after our own wellbeing. But sometimes life gets in the way and it seems easier or even necessary to just focus on the children and the never ending to do list. It can seem unattainable to find time to do something we know will help us in the long run but doesn’t necessarily have an immediate effect or tick anything off our list.

Nature connection has been found to reduce blood pressure, muscle tension and stress. Research shows that people who have a connection with nature are more likely to describe themselves as thriving and have the ability to regulate and balance their emotions more easily.

Our connection with nature and relationship with a place becomes deeper and more meaningful if we visit and connect regularly. It allows us to notice the little changes from month to month, season to season and year to year. We become experts in our special space and feel the symbiotic relationship more intensely. You can experience positive feelings from just one interaction with nature. But to feel the long lasting rewards of nature connection, it needs to be part of your ongoing routine.

Inspiration

I was inspired to start  because I knew I needed someone to tell me to look after myself and keep on track of my self-care. And to actually utilise all the strategies and techniques I knew about instead of just collapsing in front of rubbish TV at the end of each day to have ‘me time’ before dragging myself upstairs an hour or so later.

I also decided to focus on adopters and prospective adopters because I know I would have loved being part of a community like this. One which is mainly focused on the parents. And on doing an enjoyable activity together where I didn’t need to worry about any potentially awkward conversations.

Almond Blossom Nature Connections will help adopters and prospective adopters step off the hamster wheel of life. It provides a safe space to use the five pathways to connect to our greater place in nature, each other and themselves allowing them to be free to be the best parent they want to be. I also provide gentle accountability to make it easier to prioritise self-care instead of making excuses for ignoring it.

Membership levels

My website launched on 24th February with a 20% discount on all memberships for the first 20 people who signed up. There are three levels of membership to help adopters connect with nature as part of their self-care routine.

Ash Membership 

1 self care gift per quarter

Weekly self care and nature connection challenge with support

Weekly activity suggestion for connecting to nature with kids

Nature Journaling prompts

Monthly Nature photography competition

Access to the online community in our forum

10% discount on booking one off retreats

Willow Membership

All the benefits of Ash Membership

4 in person nature connection retreats per year

20% discount on any extra retreats

Oak Membership

All the benefits of Ash Membership

10 in person nature connection retreats per year.

30% discount on any extra retreats

There’s also an option to purchase gift memberships.

You can follow Sarah on Instagram or Facebook

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