I woke up on Sunday morning to the sound of my daughter shouting “mummy”. There was a time when I didn’t think I’d ever hear that word being directed to me so having a day to celebrate it along with all the other Mothers in the world felt very special.
I feel very proud to be our daughter’s mum. She didn’t grow in my tummy but she definitely grew above it in my heart for a long, long time. Once we met her, it took me a while but I love her more than anything else in the world. I love her infectious laugh and her big blue eyes. I love her cheeky face and her vivid imagination. I love it when she says “dove you mummy” and gives me the biggest bear hug. I love her cute little voice and her sometimes mixed up words like “magicwave”.
She’s a bright, happy, playful little girl and although she takes her time to learn some things, she’s developing as she should. I feel a great sense of pride when I think of how far she’s come from the little baby that crept into our hearts almost two and a half years ago.
Mother’s Day is a day to celebrate mums from all different walks of life. Birth mums, adoptive mums, foster mums, step mums and those that are mums in everything other than name. What about mums who’ve had their children removed from their care? Do they deserve to celebrate?
I try to believe in the good in people and think that there are very few who are just bad without reason. If you take a look at what’s going on under the surface there are usually circumstances, learnt behaviour, bad examples and role models which go a long way to explaining why people are the way that they are.
Our daughter’s birth mother isn’t a bad person. We haven’t had the opportunity to meet her, but what I’ve read about her suggests she is a victim of circumstance which meant she didn’t develop the skills to safely parent. She didn’t have good role models in her early life or a safe and loving childhood. The impact an unstable childhood has on a child growing up and how it affects their development is massive.
I feel very lucky to have experienced the childhood that I did. It was a loving, safe, secure and fun environment to grow up in and one which made me the mum I am today. My parents led by example in my early years and brought my sister and I up to have respect for others. We had boundaries that kept us safe, but that also let us develop and grow as we explored the world around us.
I feel sad that our daughter’s birth mother didn’t experience that kind of childhood. I feel sad that because of that, she won’t be able to see all of the children she grew and nurtured in her tummy, grow up. She won’t get to see her second youngest child sing “Let it Go” almost word perfect complete with actions and dance. She won’t see her twirling around the room in her tutu and wellies. She won’t experience how gorgeous her bear hugs are or the feeling of overwhelming pride when she learns something new.
I think about birth mum a lot, and Mother’s Day brings my feelings towards her to the surface even more. I’m so grateful to her for keeping our daughter safe in her tummy for nine months. I’m also grateful that she came to the heart breaking decision that she couldn’t give our daughter the childhood she deserved, so agreed for her to be taken into care as soon as she was born.
I can’t imagine what she must have been feeling on Mothering Sunday knowing that someone else was celebrating being mum to the children she gave birth to. She will always be our daughter’s tummy mummy and I definitely think that should be celebrated.
