Written by Emma Post
This is a collaborative post.
NE Family Law is a boutique firm based in Richmond Upon Thames, but we support individuals and families nationally.
What is mediation and how can it help you when divorcing/separating and thinking about the needs of your children?
In our third and final blog in the series, we discuss mediation and how it can help you and your ex-partner navigate and explore the issues you need to agree on. Head to the parenting section to read our first two articles, Navigating separation and divorce after adoption and Parenting through divorce and separation.
In addition to being a specialist family solicitor, Emma Post is also an ‘all issues’ Family Mediator and can therefore support and facilitate discussions in mediation, including:
- formalising your separation and next steps;
- child arrangements;
- arrangements for pets;
- sharing financial information and discussing options;
- helping improve communication;
- working with you to achieve cooperative parenting.
What is mediation?
Mediation is a process that gives you and your former partner/spouse the space to discuss the decisions that need to be made that impact upon you and, if you have them, your children. It is focused on working towards a resolution of the issues between you and looking to the future, not unpicking the past. It is an entirely voluntary process.
What does a mediator do?
Mediators facilitate discussions to
- keep your children at the centre of your decision making;
- help you find solutions;
- ensure both of you have a chance to express your views;
- look for common ground;
- road test ideas; and
- help you make progress, explore solutions and reach decisions that work best for you and your family.
Mediators are impartial and will not take sides. They can give and signpost to information and speak to you both generally about legal principles and procedure, but can not give you legal advice. They will not dictate the issues or the agenda but work with you to set the agenda, understand your interests and priorities and manage the process to ensure it is working for both of you.
Mediators will talk to you about your children, their needs, wants and wishes and can work with you to draft documents reflecting any proposals and progress made within mediation for further discussion with your family lawyer, including Parenting Together Plans.
How does mediation work?
Before proceeding, it is necessary for each of you to attend an individual and confidential meeting with the proposed mediator. They will explain the mediation process, different types of mediation and other out of court processes, explore any questions, worries, concerns you may have. A very important element of the individual meetings is safeguarding and understanding you, your relationship, your children, the dynamics and ensuring that the process would be safe for each of you. The individual meeting usually lasts approximately 1 hour.
These meetings also give you the chance to make sure the mediator is the right one for you. If you both wish to proceed, and it is appropriate to do so, then you can move to joint sessions.
For mediation to be successful it is important for you both to be open and honest about the options, without being ‘strategic’.
Mediation isn’t suitable for everyone and it is important to ensure that it is a suitable option for you as individuals but also the difficulties you are navigating.
What are the different types of mediation?
Traditional: One mediator working with a couple together. Usually online or in person.
Solicitor Inclusive: Each of you has lawyers to support you alongside the mediation sessions.
Hybrid: Particularly suitable for complex or high conflict cases, the mediator can hold confidences. Lawyers often attend to support clients.
Shuttle: Usually in cases where it is not appropriate for you to mediate face-to-face, and be in separate rooms.
Child Inclusive Mediation: where possible and agreed, the mediator or another agreed and suitable professional will meet with child/ren to discuss their wishes and feelings and, with permission, provide feedback to parents.
Co-Mediation: Two mediators working together as a team, often with different backgrounds that complement each other.
You can also agree to bring in other third-party professionals (such as a parenting coach, therapists, IFAs, pension or other experts) to participate in joint meetings.
What is the Children Mediation Voucher Scheme?
This is a Government-backed scheme to offer financial support of up to £500 towards the cost of mediation if eligible. It is specifically for those where the dispute is in relation to child arrangements or family financial matters where you are also discussing and agreeing child arrangements.
What are the benefits of mediation?
There are many benefits to mediation, especially when compared to a court process. The most important is that it is child and future focussed but it also offers:
Flexibility
- You set the agenda.
- Meetings can be at a time convenient to you and your former partner/spouse. You manage the pace and time between sessions.
- Mediation can be paused to enable you both:
- To take ongoing advice
- To obtain further information or support from other professionals such as therapists, counsellors, IFAs, pension experts
- To arbitrate specific issues of contention before returning to mediation
Communication
- You get to speak and be heard throughout the process.
- We can agree how you will both be heard and what you need to do to ensure this moving forward.
- Mediators facilitate dialogue and discussions between you and aid you both through difficult conversations or impasses.
Privacy
- Mediation is a confidential process.
- For couples where one or other may be in the public eye, mediation is an attractive process that will maintain the privacy.
Speed
- It will be quicker and cheaper than a court process.
- You can agree the timing and frequency of sessions to suit you.
- You can use mediation alongside other process options such as arbitration.
Cost effective
- Each participant usually pays their own costs, unless an alternative arrangement is reached between you.
Mediation is not the only out of court dispute resolution option, others include Early Neutral Evaluation, Solicitor Negotiation, One Lawyer-One Couple and Arbitration. Whilst this blog is specific to family mediation we can offer advice, guidance and support on all process options and will discuss with you the one that best suits your needs and circumstances.
If you wish to discuss our family mediation or any other service further, please do not hesitate to contact us.
NE Family Law provides specialist advice and support in all areas of family law. Both Emma and Nicki are members of Resolution committed to promoting a constructive approach to family issues that considers the whole family. Emma is an Accredited Resolution Specialist, a Resolution-trained ‘all issues’ Mediator, also qualified to offer Hybrid Mediation. We are always happy to have an initial call to see how we might be able to assist you and to offer options for taking those next steps.
You can contact us via our website, giving us a call or drop us an email
Our Team, Supporting You.
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